Search & Filter

Find the right provider for you! Search as much or little information as you'd like!

Unrealistic Expectations in Marriage and Their Effects

Possessing expectations is vital for every social relationship because they help you outline goals to achieve and how to achieve them.

However, when these goals become unrealistic, they may lead to constant disappointment in the relationships.

To prevent yourself from getting disappointed, it's essential that you avoid unrealistic expectations in marriage.

One of such expectations is the belief that your partner won't change throughout your marriage.

Humans are dynamic beings and will regularly experience changes based on whatever situation they are going through.

You may also believe that your sex life will be perfect and devoid of any hitch due to the seamless compatibility you expect with your partner.

However, the reality is that most partners usually have different sexual preferences that may take a while to incorporate together.

Similarly, you may expect that you and your partner will engage in all your activities together because you are supposed to be lifelong companions.

But the fact is that you will largely have different interests, resulting in you spending loads of time away from each other.

You can consider the overview of unrealistic expectations in marriage and their effects:

Available Marriage/Couples Counselors in Colorado

0.0 / 5

Joel Harms, MA, LPC

Helping my clients build resilience...

, Colorado

(720) 449-4121

View all

Your Partner Won't Change

The partner you fell in love with is the partner you hope to spend the rest of your life with.

However, this is one of the unrealistic expectations in marriage because of the low chance of humans sticking to the same pattern of thoughts for decades.

Instead of getting disappointed that their behavior and thought patterns have changed, try to understand them and the reason for the change.

They may be spending less time with you because of school or additional responsibilities at work.

If you consider the reasons for their change, it will help you easily adjust to the situation.

Also, you should try to accept your emotions and calm yourself down.

You may be legitimately offended, but it won't help the situation if you have an outburst.

You should try to accept your partner's change, especially when it happens because of some progress in their life.

When you are able to consider your feelings and your partner's together concerning every moment of change, you will be able to adjust easily to the change.

Your Sex Life Will Be Perfect

From pornography to personal fantasies to overblown stories from other people, you may develop unrealistic expectations in marriage concerning sex.

And when these expectations meet reality, you may experience disappointment due to the difference.

You may believe that marital sex will be like porn, where the actors are shown to enjoy sex actively and have the flexibility to try various styles in one sex scene.

However, porn actors are simply actors acting out their scripts for a living.

They don't represent the reality of sexual intercourse and shouldn't be made a focal point.

Also, you may believe that your partner will automatically know how to satisfy you sexually without any prompt or time.

But this isn't how things work since they weren't born with a manual for pleasuring you.

Thus, your partner will need to spend some time with your body to discover what will satisfy you.

If you also believe that things will continue to be regular in your sex life because your partner doesn't have any fetish, you may be wrong.

It's normal for people to have different fetishes, and your partner may simply hide them from you because they fear being judged by you.

You Will Participate in All Activities Together

Spending a lifetime together partaking in every activity together may be something you expect from your marriage.

But when you consider that you and your partner will most likely have different interests, your wish will easily become one of the unrealistic expectations in marriage.

Instead of constantly pushing to spend time together, you should get used to spending time apart chasing your different interests.

You can even actively push for time apart to spend time with other people, gain positivity from them, and bring it back into the relationship.

You can find a group that shares your values stronger than your partner does.

For example, if you are interested in CrossFit and your spouse isn't a fitness junkie, it's better to join a CrossFit community so you may enjoy your time with them.

As you are spending time apart, be sure to also push your partner to do something they like that you aren't so interested in.

And make sure that both of you come home at the end of the day to disclose the day's events and bask in your company.

Poster on a green wall that says change is coming, whether you like or not

Your Partner Will Read Your Mind

At the onset of marriage, you may expect that your spouse will be able to pinpoint your thoughts and understand your desires without verbal communication from you.

But as time goes on, you'll realize that it's one of the unrealistic expectations in marriage.

They won't be able to read your mind or get your emotional cues every time since they don't have telepathy.

Hence, it's your duty to let them know what you want from them.

Understandably, this may open you up to vulnerability, but if you consider your marriage above your feelings, it should be easy for you to do.

If you have told your partner what you need, but they are still not working on it, you may need to talk to them about it.

Your conversation should revolve around the pain you felt from them ignoring your requests and the joy you will feel if they fulfill them.

And if they tell you they can't fulfill the requests due to some reasonable reasons, you should accept those reasons.

It's essential that you understand that their "No" is "No," and you shouldn't force them to do what you want.

Your Partner Can Do Everything for You

A person that can satisfy all that another person wants doesn't exist.

When a person has to help another constantly, they will have no time to satisfy their personal emotional needs, leading to building resentment.

Hence, one of the unrealistic expectations in marriage is your partner being the one who does everything for you.

Instead of constantly expecting your partner to fulfill all your needs, you should try to get out of your sphere of dependence.

Try to be a self-sufficient adult and cover some of your needs yourself.

Also, you can push off the satisfaction of some of your emotional needs to your friends and family.

Your spouse won't be constantly available to make you happy due to their issues; hence, you should keep relationships that will help you get through some difficult times.

And when you help your partner satisfy their needs, don't make it a compulsion to always do so.

Although it's amazing to help them feel good and happy, don't do so to a detriment to yourself.

Conclusion

As delightful as a relationship can be, having unrealistic expectations in marriage can cause problems because you will be expecting more than your partner can deliver.

The most likely unrealistic expectations you will need to snuff out are your beliefs that your partner won't change, the sex life will be perfect, you will participate in activities together, your partner can read your mind, and they can do everything for you.

Resources

https://blogs.webmd.com/relationships/20180516/what-to-do-when-your-partner-changes

https://georgiastatesignal.com/unrealistic-sexpectations/

https://www.ibelieve.com/relationships/10-unrealistic-expectations-that-can-destroy-marriages.html?amp=1

https://www.marthastewart.com/7904868/things-partners-should-do-separately

https://grouptherapyassociates.com/your-partner-cannot-read-your-mind/

https://www.verywellmind.com/emotional-needs-not-filled-marriage-partner-2303305

How do you feel about this post?

About the author

Adewale Ayeni-Bepo

I'm a lawyer and content writer committed to helping people learn how to live mentally healthy lives. My pieces focus on identifying the issues and highlighting their solutions. It's my belief that every person can live a mentally healthy life.