Steps To Take When Your Partner Disrespects You

Steps To Take When Your Partner Disrespects You


Respect matters with couples. 

A respectful relationship is a very important thing. 

It builds trust, value, safety, and connection between lovers. 

If your partner disrespects you, it is important that they understand their behavior is intolerable and unacceptable.

You can start by accessing the situation that led to your partner disrespecting you. 

During your assessment, ensure to separate yourself from the situation and see your partner's disrespect as bad behavior rather than letting it define you. 

If you feel hurt, identify your feelings and give yourself time to recover before reacting.

Also, a healthy approach to being disrespected is talking about your pain. 

Ignoring their disrespectful behavior can give them the impression that it is acceptable.

Likewise, your partner might have unintentionally disrespected you, and they might not realize it if you don't talk to them.

Similarly, you can make your partner respect you by giving them your utmost respect. 

This can be difficult to do especially when you are deeply hurt or embarrassed. 

However, when your words and actions to your partner show admiration and respect, they are encouraged to reciprocate.

Consider this article to learn steps you can take when your partner disrespects you:

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Olivia Woodring, LPCC, NCC

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Assess the Situation

Disrespect can come in many forms in a relationship. 

It could be rudeness, lack of regard for your space and freedom, indifference to your opinion, ridicule, or intentionally crossing your boundaries. 

When your partner disrespects you, identifying how they did and how you feel about it can help you address the situation better.

When your partner hurts your feelings by being disrespectful, take time for yourself to heal from the pain. 

You don't have to give an immediate comeback. 

Do yourself a favor and step out of a situation that makes you feel belittled or sad.

Also, it is important to carefully reflect on the incident that led to your partner's disrespectful behavior. 

Did it suddenly happen, or is it a repeated behavior? 

Assessing the situation will help you understand your partner's intention.
Often, people tend to project their insecurities on other people and take it out on them by being harsh or disrespectful. 

Thus, your partner being disrespectful towards you isn't always a sign that you did something wrong to deserve it.

Talk About Your Pain

When your partner disrespects you, take some time to calm yourself down before responding. 

Responding with an angry outburst will only add fuel to the fire and lead you farther from having a healthy conversation with your partner. 

Taking some time off will also enable you to structure your thoughts and address the disrespect in the best way possible.

When communicating with your partner, your tones and gestures matter. 

Telling your disrespectful partner how you feel with an angry tone can make them defensive and pay more focus on your tone rather than your words. 

Talk calmly about your feelings without getting upset or blaming them.

Similarly, if you are facing difficulty with expressing your pain to your partner, you can write them a note. 

Writing a note is a less confrontational way of expressing yourself to your partner. 

Your partner is able to clearly focus on your words and process them.
People have different styles of communicating. 

Some people prefer to be straightforward and blunt when speaking their mind, it doesn't mean they have the intention to hurt you. 

If your partner is that way, talking about your pain will help them realize how their blunt remarks affect you.

Set Your Boundaries

Even in a loving relationship, you can politely draw a line with your partner and set boundaries in the relationship. 

If your partner disrespects you by doing things that affect your personal beliefs, it is time to set boundaries they should respect. 

Setting boundaries at the onset of your relationship builds proper understanding between you and your partner. 

Many times, we let go of our boundaries because we believe a healthy relationship needs compromise between partners. 

However true that is, it is crucial to find a balance between compromising with your partner without compromising who you are.
Likewise, setting limits between you and your partners go beyond uttering words and having conversations about likes and dislikes. 

You need to constantly emphasize and uphold the integrity of your boundaries with your partner.

Similarly, it is only fair that you place a high value on your partner's boundaries and respect them if you want them to do the same for you.

Try to Connect with Them

Although it might be difficult to attempt to connect with someone that disrespects you, it can help you understand them better and see things from their perspective. 

It will also allow them to be vulnerable and open up about how they feel. 

Thus, if your partner disrespects you, try connecting with them.

When around your partner, be emotionally open and honest with them. 

Discuss your hopes, dreams, fears, and feelings, and give them a chance to speak about theirs too. 

Being vulnerable with your partner will deepen the sense of connection and mutual respect you have for each other.

Suppose you preferred to keep to yourself about your feelings and struggles before getting into a relationship, it will be difficult for your partner to understand and connect with you. 

Rather than suddenly being quiet or emotionally unavailable to your partner, let them know what you're going through.

Also, finding common interests with your partner can also help you connect with them and build mutual respect.

Respect Them

To gain back respect from your partner, treat them with respect and empathy. 

Your partner will likely treat you how you treat them, whether good or bad. 

So if your partner disrespects you, you might need to adjust your attitude towards them and show more respect.

If your partner makes an effort to do things for you, show appreciation to them. 

Shower them with praises and compliments. 

You can also get a small gift to say thank you. 

Giving your partner positive feedback for their contribution will make them happy and encourage them to do better things for you.

Similarly, you can write down a list of things you respect about your partner in a journal. 

Reconnecting with those things can help you appreciate them and regain your feelings of respect. 

Doing this will help you notice more of the positive things about them

Also, the attitude you cultivate during an argument can determine the connection in your relationship later on. 

The first rule is never to get violent or raise your voice at your partner. 

Whether you agree or not, you should validate your partner's feelings and gently communicate your feelings with them.

Examples of Disrespect

Disrespect in a relationship can be emotionally draining and detrimental to one's well being, self esteem, and personal growth. 

It is crucial to notice signs of disrespect early on to protect your mental health and maintain healthy relationships. Some examples include:

  • Verbal Abuse - This involves any form of communication that causes harm, such as overly critical comments or destructive insults, which can erode self-esteem.
  • Emotional Abuse - This can take many forms, such as the silent treatment, manipulation, or unrealistic expectations that make you feel uncomfortable or inadequate.
  • Invasion of Personal Space - Respectful and loving relationships acknowledge the importance of personal space. If one partner refuses to respect your own space, it's a sign of disrespect.
  • Broken Promises - When one partner consistently breaks promises, it undermines trust, a fundamental aspect of a successful relationship.
  • Physical Abuse - Any form of physical harm is a significant sign of disrespect and is never acceptable.

In a romantic relationship, it's important to distinguish between constructive criticism, which promotes growth, and disrespectful behavior, which hinders it. 

If you find yourself in a disrespectful relationship, seeking help from professionals like a family therapist can provide guidance and support. 


You can't build a healthy relationship if you micromanage your partner's disrespectful behavior in a bid to avoid conflict. 

When your partner disrespects you, there are healthy ways you can approach the situation.

Those ways include accessing the situation, talking about your pain, setting boundaries, connecting with your partner, and respecting them.


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Comments 2

Overcomers on Apr 22nd, 2024

Thank you, Adewale really helpful advice 🙏🏾✨

Thank you, Adewale really helpful advice 🙏🏾✨
Adewale Ayeni-Bepo on Apr 22nd, 2024

You're welcome, Nik. Glad it helped you.

You're welcome, Nik. Glad it helped you.
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