How To Know You are Forcing a Relationship

A healthy relationship thrives on mutual commitment, trust, and a genuine interest in each other.If a nagging feeling suggests your relationship isn't...

Marriage
June 26, 2025

A healthy relationship thrives on mutual commitment, trust, and a genuine interest in each other.If a nagging feeling suggests your relationship isn't genuinely fulfilling, it's time to evaluate if you're truly connected or forcing a relationship.It's vital to be on the same page, even when you have differing values, but what happens when your partner's behavior shows a reluctance to compromise?Healthy relationships require effort from both sides - sometimes utilizing couples counseling - and all your efforts can make all the difference.If external factors or a forced relationship cause all the compromises to fall on you alone, reconsider forcing things.A partner doesn't need to be perfect, but they should align with your true self.If you have a gut feeling that you may be forcing a relationship, then review the following signs and see if they relate to you.

1). Unwillingness to Compromise

Compromise is crucial for relationship growth, but knowing when you're forcing a relationship is key.

If you always accommodate your partner's desires, leaving your needs unmet, you might be forcing a relationship.

Here are some signs you are forcing a relationship due to an unwillingness to compromise.

  • Your partner dismisses your opinions and insists their way is always right, making you feel uncomfortable.
  • They prioritize their ego over your happiness, leaving you questioning your self-worth and low self esteem.
  • Your partner shows no willingness to share the decision-making process, frequently overriding your preferences.
  • They expect you to change while they remain inflexible, ignoring the fundamental differences that should be respected.

It's common to have fundamental differences, but relationship work involves finding equilibrium. Genuine compromise leads to outcomes that satisfy all the boxes for both parties involved.If any of these resonate, reassess what the relationship means to you and whether holding on is truly beneficial.

2). You Never Fully Resolve Conflicts

Conflicts are a natural part of any relationship.In a healthy relationship, couples engage in constructive communication to work through disagreements and strengthen their bond.If your partner consistently avoids reconciliation, it could be a red flag of a forced relationship.When disputes arise, they might ghost you or choose other distractions like hanging out with friends, leaving you feeling unsafe and ignored.If they stop reaching out post-argument, it might indicate they're no longer invested.Another red flag is when a partner simply agrees with everything you say during conflicts, avoiding genuine discussion.This indifference to both their own and your feelings shows a lack of commitment.If they're quick to consider ending the relationship over minor issues, it signifies they're more focused on being right than nurturing the relationship.In contrast, a partner embodying healthy love will strive to reconnect, express vulnerability, and work to become the best version of themselves with you.Stop forcing the connection if these warning signs persist.

3). You Keep Hoping for Change

Constantly hoping your partner treats you better and does better in certain situations is a sign that you are forcing a relationship.It doesn't take much for someone in love with you to entirely drop any bad or hurtful habits to make the relationship work.Also, if you think of ways they would have been perfect, they might never be for you.Physical attraction should come naturally for people in love.If you only find them attractive when they wear a particular haircut or hairstyle and outfit, the relationship might not last.Your partner doesn't have to change their looks to be loved by you.Likewise, you don't have to share your partner's values and beliefs to understand and respect them.When you genuinely love your partner, you appreciate your differences and similarities.Continually pressuring your partner to change their values for you will end up hurting them and the relationship.To be in a happy relationship, you must be undeniably attracted to your partner and willing to accept their values, beliefs, and past.Your partner should also be willing to let go of bad habits that can hurt your relationship.

4). A Future Together Does Not Excite You

When the thoughts of starting a family and growing old together don't excite you, your partner is not the one. Spending a lifetime with someone you love should be something you look forward to with utmost excitement. Feeling otherwise means you are forcing a relationship not meant to be.Picture a future with your partner and ask yourself some critical questions. Do you feel happy, sad, or indifferent? Does it feel like the life you want, or it just seems wrong? Finding the answers to these questions will help you know whether or not to continue the relationship.In thinking of the future, you also have to consider the current relationship with your partner. If you both tend to constantly disagree on everything and can't accept each other's differences, it can worsen in the future.Chemistry with someone worth spending the rest of your life with won't feel forced. There will be natural chemistry, and you will both tend to share similar values, humor, and intimacy.

Forever spelled in out in scrabble letters in the palms of 2 peoples hands

5). They Aren't Your Friend

Friendship is an excellent start to a strong, lasting relationship. Being friends before lovers allow you to connect deeply, bond, and know each other well. There's love in friendship, and when that love leads to something bigger, it blossoms more beautifully. However, when you're unable to see your lover as your friend, you are forcing a relationship that might not last.Friendship allows you to discover each other's thought processes and lifestyles without strings attached. It is always advisable to start as friends with your partner so that you learn about each other and decide if you are compatible.Not enjoying unromantic time, joking, laughing, and playing with your partner can mean you lack chemistry. Just like friends, your partner should bring out your silliest self and be able to enjoy different emotions with you.Also, if you have to change who you are or become self-conscious around your partner, the relationship is not meant to be. Rather than walking on eggshells, you need to feel comfortable expressing yourself to your partner to have a happy and fulfilling relationship.

Conclusion

Love grows better when it is between two people willing to make it work. If you constantly doubt your partner and feel distant from them, you might be forcing something not meant to be.Signs you are forcing a relationship with your partner include unwillingness to compromise, never fully resolving conflicts, your partner isn't your friend, a future together doesn't excite you, and you keep hoping for change.

Author
Jennifer Luttman, LPC, ACS

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, and owner of Overcomers Counseling. I'm dedicated to helping individuals find strength and healing through life’s challenges. With a deep understanding of mental health and years of professional experience, I specialize in fostering hope and resilience while equipping her clients with tools to thrive. Passionate about empowering others, she creates a safe, supportive space where everyone feels seen, valued, and capable of overcoming obstacles on their path to well-being.

Common Questions about Marriage

Do we have to go to counseling together?

No, you don't necessarily have to go to counseling together. In some cases, it may be more helpful for each spouse to meet with the counselor individually. This can be a good way to address specific issues that one spouse may be struggling with.

How long does couples therapy usually last?

The length of therapy can vary depending on the couple's needs and the specific issues being addressed. Some couples might find a few sessions helpful, while others may continue for several months.

Where can I find more information about Tricare coverage for marriage counseling?

For more detailed information, you can visit the official Tricare website or contact a Tricare representative. You can also seek our resources at the defense health agency.

How can I find my love language?

There are many resources available online, including quizzes and assessments, that can help you find your love language. Gary Chapman's book, "The 5 Love Languages," is also a great resource to help you identify and understand your love language.

Are there scientific foundations supporting EFT couples therapy?

Yes, EFT is supported by research in behavioral and brain sciences, showing its effectiveness in improving relationship satisfaction and emotional bonds. Studies highlight its impact on creating lasting positive changes in couples' relationships.

Should we tell our friends and family we're going to counseling?

This is a personal decision that each couple will need to make for themselves. Some couples feel more comfortable sharing this information with their close friends and family, while others prefer to keep it to themselves. Ultimately, the decision is up to you.