How to Help a Spouse with Low Self-Esteem

Dealing with a spouse's self-esteem issues requires understanding and patience. I was talking with a friend recently and they were talking about their...

Marriage
June 26, 2025

Dealing with a spouse's self-esteem issues requires understanding and patience. I was talking with a friend recently and they were talking about their marriage.

"My partner has low self esteem," they said. "And I don't know what to do."While some people naturally have healthy self esteem, others face challenges with very low self esteem and negative self talk. These negative feelings can undermine their self confidence and self worth, affecting their self image.

I wanted to help, so I started off with the basics. Encouraging your spouse to embrace self love and self respect is vital in helping them develop a positive self image. Using positive affirmations can enhance their own self esteem and contribute to a more confident life.Here are four practical methods to support your spouse in boosting their self-esteem and strengthening their self-worth. You can learn more about couples therapy at Overcomers Counseling.

Do you Know Why Your Spouse has Low Self-Esteem?

Before helping a spouse with low self-esteem, identifying the reasons behind it is crucial.Factors may include childhood experiences, frequent comparisons to others, or past negative relationships.Address these issues by promoting self acceptance and maintaining a healthy relationship.I like to encourage self care and practice self love to help them gain confidence in their own life.With a little self esteem, they can begin to feel more secure and fairly confident.Supporting these efforts can greatly improve their self-esteem.

Show Your Spouse that You Care and Want to Help Them

Showing your spouse that you care about them and want to help them is an important step in helping them address their low self-esteem.Often, people with low self-esteem feel like they are not worth other people's time and effort.Assuring your spouse that you see their worth and want to help them improve their self-image can be a powerful motivator for change.

Additionally, it is important to avoid coming across as judgmental or critical when talking to your spouse about their low self-esteem.Remember, this is a sensitive issue for them, and they are likely already feeling insecure and vulnerable.Approaching the conversation with empathy and understanding will create a safe space for open dialogue and ultimately lead to more productive results.

Encourage Them to Seek Professional Help if Needed

If your spouse's low self-esteem is severe or is impacting their day-to-day life, encourage them to seek professional help.You may also consider attending a marriage therapy intensive.A therapist can help your spouse identify the root cause of their low self-esteem and develop healthy coping mechanisms.In some cases, medication may also be recommended to help address any underlying mental health conditions that may be contributing to your spouse's low self-esteem.

inspirational text on a page that talks about having to face the past

Be a Listening Ear and Offer Support When Needed

This means being patient and giving your spouse the time and space to express how they're feeling.It's also important to offer support when needed, whether that means words of encouragement or simply being there for a hug.

A few ways you can communicate this are:

  • I'm here for you and I want to help.
  • You're not alone in this, I'm here with you.
  • It's okay to feel however you're feeling, we can work through this together.
  • I love you no matter what.

Remember, though, helping your spouse with low self-esteem is about empowering them to find their strength and confidence.This is a process that takes time, patience, and understanding.But if you're willing to put in the work, it can be an immensely rewarding experience.

Don't Criticize or Judge Your Spouse - This Will Only Make them Feel Worse about Themselves

If you're married to someone with low self-esteem, you may find yourself in a difficult situation.On the one hand, you want to help your spouse feel better about themselves; on the other hand, you don't want to say or do anything that will make the situation worse.So what's the best way to proceed?It's important to understand that criticizing or judging your spouse will only make them feel worse about themselves.If you want to help, you must be supportive and understanding.

Try to avoid any behavior that might be interpreted as condescending or belittling.Instead, focus on positive reinforcement - let your spouse know when they've done something well, and express your admiration for their accomplishments.Remember that change takes time.It's going to take effort, but with enough dedication, you can help your spouse overcome their low self-esteem and make the marriage even stronger than ever.

Celebrate Each Accomplishment, No Matter How Small, to Help Boost Their Confidence

One key way to help a spouse with low self-esteem is to celebrate each accomplishment, no matter how small.This helps to boost their confidence and show them that you are on their team. When they feel supported, they are more likely to tackle bigger goals. Here are some other ways to help:Encourage positive self-talk: Help your spouse identify the negative thoughts that are holding them back and replace them with positive self-talk.

For example, instead of saying "I'm such a screw-up," they can say "I made a mistake, but I'm learning from it."Build a supportive network: Spend time with people who make your spouse feel good about themselves. These could be friends, family members, or even a therapist.Encourage healthy habits: Help your spouse develop healthy habits that will improve their overall well-being. This could include exercise, eating right, and getting enough sleep.

Set realistic goals: Help your spouse set realistic goals that they can achieve. This could be anything from making the bed every day to starting their own business.Focus on the positive: When you're talking to your spouse, focus on the things that are going right in their life. This will help them to see the glass as half full, rather than half empty.

a guy with his hand across his chin

Seek Professional Help if Necessary

If you've been working on helping your spouse with low self-esteem, but the situation isn't improving, it may be time to seek professional help.A therapist can provide guidance and support to help your spouse work through their issues.If you're not sure where to start, ask your doctor for a referral.

Disclaimer

The information presented in this post is meant for informational purposes only. The content presented here should not be used as a substitute for medical advice from a licensed professional.

Conclusion

If you're married to someone with low self-esteem, it's important to be supportive and understanding.Avoid any behavior that might be interpreted as condescending or belittling. Instead, focus on positive reinforcement.Encourage positive self-talk, build a supportive network, and encourage healthy habits.If you've been working on helping your spouse with low self-esteem, but the situation isn't improving, it may be time to seek professional help.A therapist can provide guidance and support to help your spouse work through their issues.

Author
Jennifer Luttman, LPC, ACS

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, and owner of Overcomers Counseling. I'm dedicated to helping individuals find strength and healing through life’s challenges. With a deep understanding of mental health and years of professional experience, I specialize in fostering hope and resilience while equipping her clients with tools to thrive. Passionate about empowering others, she creates a safe, supportive space where everyone feels seen, valued, and capable of overcoming obstacles on their path to well-being.

Common Questions about Marriage

What if one partner is reluctant to attend therapy?

It can be challenging when one partner is hesitant about therapy. It can help to have open discussions about the potential benefits of therapy and to reassure them that it's a supportive and non-judgmental environment.

Can couples therapy make things worse?

It's possible for therapy to bring up difficult feelings or conflicts. However, this is often part of the process of resolving issues and improving your relationship. It's important to communicate with your therapist if you're finding sessions too difficult.

Why is trust important in a marriage?

The first step is to take responsibility for your actions and apologize. Next, be honest with your thoughts and feelings. Show that you're willing to change and be a better partner. Finally, set some Trust is essential for a happy and healthy marriage. It allows couples to feel safe and secure with each other. Without trust, couples may feel anxious, resentful, and disconnected from one another. to help prevent future hurt. Remember to be patient as it takes time to rebuild trust.

What are some signs that trust is present in a relationship?

Trust is built over time through positive experiences and interactions. However, it can be difficult to say how long it will take to build trust in a particular relationship as it varies from couple to Some signs that trust is present in a relationship include feeling safe to be yourself, being able to rely on your partner, and feeling like you can share anything with them..

Where can I find more information about Tricare coverage for marriage counseling?

For more detailed information, you can visit the official Tricare website or contact a Tricare representative. You can also seek our resources at the defense health agency.

Can love be rekindled in a marriage?

Yes, love can be rekindled in a marriage. It takes effort and commitment, but it's not impossible. By prioritizing communication, quality time, and showing appreciation and gratitude, it is possible to reignite the spark in your marriage.