Healthy Boundaries in a Marriage

There are many factors that contribute to a happy and healthy marriage. Quality time together, forgiveness, compromise, and honest communication are just a...

There are many factors that contribute to a happy and healthy marriage. Quality time together, forgiveness, compromise, and honest communication are just a few. And yet, healthy boundaries in a marriage are just as important. Knowing how to designate, communicate and respect healthy boundaries in a marriage is crucial to a deep and lasting relationship.

Together we will look at five healthy boundaries in a marriage that you and your significant other can establish, to better appreciate and respect one another.

Healthy Boundaries in a Marriage: Time Apart

Marriage is about choosing a person you want to spend time with, a friend and companion you share life with. Quality time is an important part of any marriage. And yet, quality time apart can be just as important. Making time for your own interests, hobbies, and/or personal goals makes you feel inspired, independent, and psychologically fulfilled. The same is true for your significant other. Establishing healthy boundaries in a marriage means making personal time for yourself. It also means helping your significant other make time for themselves too. Healthy boundaries in a marriage mean that each of you feels empowered and independent, while at the same time depending on each other.

Marriage is ultimately about two different individuals coming together to work, live, and love each other. Setting healthy boundaries in a marriage means making sure you and your significant other preserve your own individuality. Schedule a date night once a week, but also try scheduling an evening or just a few hours where you each pursue individual interests. Maybe you want to write a short story while your significant other wants to listen to a podcast. Time apart can make you both appreciate each other more. Time apart makes you miss each other, which cultivates love. Time apart can also be a powerful aphrodisiac. Time apart is one of the key healthy boundaries in a marriage.

Healthy Boundaries in a Marriage: Time Alone

Time alone is different from time apart. Sometimes when you argue or begin to fight, it's best to give your significant other some space—time alone. When an argument begins, allowing yourself or your significant other time alone to cool off is one of the crucial healthy boundaries in a marriage. Time alone can often make the difference between a small disagreement and a major argument or fight. Establishing healthy boundaries in a marriage means learning to diffuse anger and frustration before it escalates.

It's important for you and your significant other to honor healthy boundaries in a marriage, which means giving each other space when needed. Often, one partner wants time alone to cool off, and the other will not leave them alone. Each partner must respect and honor the other's desire for time alone, even if it means keeping quiet for the time being. Healthy boundaries in a marriage begin with mutual respect and compromise. Time alone doesn't have to mean separation or fleeing the scene.

Time alone can simply mean going into the other room, outside for a walk, or putting on your headphones for a brief period of time. Remember, time alone means cooling off for a brief time so that you can both come back together and work it out. Healthy boundaries in marriage help each partner communicate better, and time alone can make communication more constructive. Time alone is not about avoiding the issue but creating space for healthier resolution.

Healthy Boundaries in a Marriage: Verbal Agreements

Part of healthy boundaries in a marriage is establishing verbal agreements, especially when you argue or fight. Everyone has triggers that set them off. We're human, and our emotions are an important part of our psychological health. It can be easy to say hurtful things to each other when we argue. And who better than your significant other to know exactly what gets to you, sets you off, or really bothers you?

That's why verbal agreements are a vital part of setting healthy boundaries in a marriage. Open and honest communication is the foundation for any healthy marriage relationship. This means agreeing beforehand, that is before you have an argument, that certain words or phrases should be avoided. For example, if there has been infidelity and then forgiveness, it shouldn't be brought up every time you argue or fight. Or, some people don't like being reminded that they sometimes mimic the bad habits of their parents.

Keeping a list of your partner's failures or mistakes and bringing them up is a harmful habit too. A verbal agreement to avoid triggers like these opens the way for constructive communication and diffuses anger. Verbal agreements are a means for establishing trust between partners and are crucial to healthy boundaries in a marriage. When you agree on certain boundaries beforehand, it ensures that arguments don’t get out of control.

A couple with their pinkies interlocked

Healthy Boundaries in a Marriage: Agree to Disagree

Marriage is about two people, often from different walks of life, coming together. No two people are the same, and no two partners in a marriage are the same. This means each of you has your own opinions and perspectives on life based on your individual experiences. Part of healthy boundaries in a marriage is learning to honor and respect each other's viewpoints. Agreeing to disagree is one of the key healthy boundaries in a marriage.

Learning to agree to disagree can help you cultivate respect for each other as individuals. Realizing that you don't always have to agree on everything can strengthen the marriage bond because you acknowledge each other as individuals. Agreement in a marriage is important: shared values, goals, and dreams. However, practicing healthy boundaries in a marriage means discerning when it's okay to disagree. Your unique opinions and perspective make you who you are and help you contribute in a unique way to making your marriage work.

Healthy Boundaries in a Marriage: Compromise

Being willing to compromise is one of the key healthy boundaries in a marriage. Let's face it, nobody likes to be wrong. We like things our way. But remember, being willing to compromise is not admitting you're wrong. Compromise is about meeting in the middle, about taking into consideration how your partner feels. Empathy, the ability to truly put yourself in your partner's shoes, is necessary for compromise.

Compromise is about moving forward together, about progress. If you're going to establish healthy boundaries in a marriage, you must overcome stubbornness. Compromise is about seeing the bigger picture—about moving on and choosing the future over some petty disagreement in the present.

Conclusion

With patience, empathy, and understanding you and your partner can establish healthy boundaries in a marriage.

However, establishing new patterns of behavior in a marriage can be challenging, especially with all of life's distractions. As they say, old habits die hard. A licensed professional counselor can help you and your partner create a plan for setting healthy boundaries in a marriage. The professional advice of a licensed counselor can help you implement an effective strategy for establishing and practicing healthy boundaries in a marriage. Together, you and your partner can learn to appreciate each other more, and experience a new kind of happiness.

Resources

https://www.amazon.com/HEALTHY-MARRIAGE-BOUNDARIES-COUPLES-relationship-ebook/dp/B0B66DWVT5/ref=sr_1_1?crid=V53KNY6FIN4Z&keywords=healthy+boundaries+in+a+marriage&qid=1658503572&sprefix=healthy+boundaries+in+marriage%2Caps%2C105&sr=8-1

https://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Boundaries-Without-Maintain-Relationships/dp/B097BJTHSW/ref=sr_1_2_sspa?crid=V53KNY6FIN4Z&keywords=healthy+boundaries+in+a+marriage&qid=1658503596&sprefix=healthy+boundaries+in+marriage%2Caps%2C105&sr=8-2-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEyU05IMzFDTlNURDQ1JmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwNjM1MzMzMUVKVTBPT1laRlZXUCZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUEwMDQ2MTExMUFYT0hRNlVUUjBINCZ3aWRnZXROYW1lPXNwX2F0ZiZhY3Rpb249Y2xpY2tSZWRpcmVjdCZkb05vdExvZ0NsaWNrPXRydWU=

https://www.amazon.com/Savage-Marriage-Triumph-Betrayal-Addiction/dp/B09W7FFCDR/ref=sr_1_3_sspa?crid=V53KNY6FIN4Z&keywords=healthy+boundaries+in+a+marriage&qid=1658503596&sprefix=healthy+boundaries+in+marriage%2Caps%2C105&sr=8-

Author

Jennifer Luttman, LPC, ACS

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, and owner of Overcomers Counseling. I'm dedicated to helping individuals find strength and healing through life’s challenges. With a deep understanding of mental health and years of professional experience, I specialize in fostering hope and resilience while equipping her clients with tools to thrive. Passionate about empowering others, she creates a safe, supportive space where everyone feels seen, valued, and capable of overcoming obstacles on their path to well-being.

Common Questions

Questions about Marriage

What if my spouse refuses to get help?

If your spouse is resistant to treatment, you might need to get help from a professional. An interventionist can work with you and your family to plan a confrontation that will encourage your spouse to seek help.

Where can I find more information about Tricare coverage for marriage counseling?

For more detailed information, you can visit the official Tricare website or contact a Tricare representative. You can also seek our resources at the defense health agency.

Can love be rekindled in a marriage?

Yes, love can be rekindled in a marriage. It takes effort and commitment, but it's not impossible. By prioritizing communication, quality time, and showing appreciation and gratitude, it is possible to reignite the spark in your marriage.

Can talking to my partner help me overcome overthinking?

Yes! Communicating openly and honestly with your partner can help you gain perspective and understanding about any concerns or worries you may have. It can also help build trust and strengthen your bond as a couple.

What can I do if my spouse isn't interested in rekindling the relationship?

While it can be challenging when one partner isn't on board with working on the relationship, it's important to have open and honest communication. Express your feelings and why it's important to you to work on the relationship. It may also be helpful to seek the guidance of a therapist to work through any issues or to navigate the situation.

Why is it important to address relationship issues?

Addressing relationship issues is crucial because unresolved problems can significantly impact your emotional well-being, overall satisfaction, and the longevity of your partnership. Left unaddressed, these issues can lead to increased conflict, emotional disconnection, and even the end of the relationship.

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