7 Things a Narcissist Does When You Go No Contact


The 'No Contact' rule is a widely recommended strategy when dealing with a narcissist

It involves cutting off all forms of communication and interaction with the narcissist, providing a much-needed break from their toxic influence. 

This strategy is crucial as it not only provides immediate relief from the manipulation and emotional abuse but also begins the process of healing and regaining one's self-worth. Implementing 'No Contact' can be challenging, given the narcissist's knack for manipulation and control, but it's an essential step in reclaiming your life from its grip.

Understanding how narcissists may react to this strategy and preparing yourself for those reactions can make the journey toward healing smoother and more manageable. 

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Understanding the Narcissist's Reaction to 'No Contact'

Narcissists thrive on attention and validation, which they often seek from others in their immediate circle. 

This need for constant admiration and affirmation is a core component of their self-esteem and identity. When someone implements the 'No Contact' rule, it directly contradicts the narcissist's inflated sense of self-importance. 

They are suddenly faced with a reality where someone is actively choosing to ignore them, which can be immensely challenging for them to comprehend or accept.

Moreover, narcissists often see people in their lives as extensions of themselves, rather than individuals with their autonomy. 

The 'No Contact' rule disrupts this perception, as it asserts the other person's independence and control over their own life. This can lead to a sense of loss of control for the narcissist, which is deeply unsettling for them. 

As a result, they may react in various ways to regain the lost control and attention, ranging from heightened attempts at communication to more manipulative tactics like smear campaigns and playing the victim. 

1. Heightened Attempts at Communication

When faced with the 'No Contact' rule, narcissists may escalate their attempts to get in touch with you. 

They are used to getting attention and validation, and your sudden silence can trigger an intense reaction. They might feel rejected, which is something they aren't accustomed to handling. 

To regain control and attention, they may decide to increase their efforts to communicate with you.

These heightened attempts at communication can take many forms. For instance, they may start flooding your inbox with emails, ranging from pleas for reconciliation to angry accusations.

You might also receive incessant text messages at all hours of the day and night, or they might repeatedly call you, leaving voicemails if you don't pick up. In some cases, they might even show up at your home or workplace unannounced. 

These attempts reflect their need to regain the lost control and attention. 

2. Love Bombing

Love bombing is a manipulative tactic often employed by narcissists where they shower their targets with excessive affection, praise, and attention. 

This can include grand gestures of love, constant compliments, and an overwhelming amount of communication, often early in a relationship or after a period of conflict or distance. 

Narcissists use this tactic to regain control and manipulate their targets into reciprocating their feelings or forgiving their past actions.

It's an attempt to reestablish their dominance and influence by making the target feel special and valued. However, it's important to remember that this sudden overflow of affection is typically not genuine but rather a calculated move to serve their own needs and agenda. 

3. Smear Campaigns

A smear campaign refers to a calculated attempt to tarnish a person's reputation by spreading false, misleading, or damaging information about them. 

For a narcissist, this can be an effective tactic to discredit those who have decided to cut ties with them. They might start spreading rumors or half-truths about you to mutual friends, family members, or even your workplace, painting themselves as the victim and you as the perpetrator. 

The goal is to isolate you, make others doubt your credibility, and swing public opinion in their favor. It's a manipulative strategy designed to regain control and power, particularly when they feel threatened by the 'No Contact' rule. 

4. Playing the Victim

Playing the Victim is a common tactic employed by narcissists when faced with a 'No Contact' situation. Narcissists are known to portray themselves as the victim in an attempt to manipulate others and gain their sympathy.

They may depict scenarios where they were wronged, misunderstood or unfairly treated. This can be particularly prevalent when someone they were close to cuts off contact, as it threatens their sense of control and superiority. 

In response, they might exaggerate or fabricate stories of their suffering to sway mutual friends, family members or anyone who would listen.

This victim-playing is not rooted in genuine hurt but is a strategic move to regain power, attention, and control. It serves to paint them as the innocent party and the one implementing 'No Contact' as the villain, thereby discrediting the latter's actions and decisions. 

5. Stalking and Invasion of Privacy

Narcissists, in their pursuit of power and control, may resort to stalking or invading the personal space and privacy of others. 

This can manifest in various ways, such as constantly showing up at your home or workplace uninvited, incessant messaging or calling, monitoring your online activities, or even going through your personal belongings. 

They might justify these actions under the guise of concern or affection, but in reality, it's a blatant disregard for boundaries and an attempt to maintain control. 

From a legal perspective, such behavior can have serious implications. Stalking and invasion of privacy are generally considered criminal offenses in many jurisdictions, with potential penalties ranging from fines to imprisonment. It's crucial to document these incidents and seek legal counsel if one finds themselves subjected to such behavior.

6. Recruiting Flying Monkeys

The term 'flying monkeys' is derived from the winged creatures in The Wizard of Oz that do the bidding of the Wicked Witch. 

In the context of narcissistic abuse, flying monkeys are individuals who are manipulated or recruited by the narcissist to aid in their campaign against you. 

This can be anyone from friends and family members to co-workers or mutual acquaintances. Narcissists cleverly manipulate these individuals, often painting themselves as the victim, to get them on their side. 

The flying monkeys might then maintain contact with you on behalf of the narcissist, relay information about you back to them, or even participate in the smear campaign.

It's a strategic move to extend their influence and control, ensuring they remain a part of your life indirectly, even when direct contact has been cut off.

7. Moving On Quickly

Narcissists are notorious for moving on quickly and finding a new target almost immediately after a relationship ends. 

This behavior is often driven by their need for constant attention, validation, and a sense of superiority, which they derive from the people around them. 

When one source of narcissistic supply (the person they were previously involved with) is cut off, they feel compelled to find another as quickly as possible to maintain this influx of admiration and control. Psychologically, this quick transition can be seen as a defense mechanism. 

Narcissists struggle with handling rejection or perceived criticism, and replacing the old source of supply with a new one allows them to avoid confronting any feelings of inadequacy or abandonment. It's less about the person they're moving on with and more about filling a void and maintaining their inflated self-image.

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In conclusion, a narcissist's reaction to 'No Contact' can manifest in various ways, including stalking and invasion of privacy, recruiting others as 'flying monkeys' to maintain contact or manipulate you, and moving on quickly to a new target. 

These behaviors, while disturbing, are driven by the narcissist's need for control, attention, and validation. 

Understanding these potential reactions is crucial for personal healing and growth after ending a relationship with a narcissist. It allows you to anticipate their actions, protect yourself, and seek appropriate support if needed. 

Moreover, this understanding can also help you regain your sense of self-worth and autonomy, providing a foundation for healthier relationships in the future. The journey to recovery may be challenging, but it is possible and worthwhile. 

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June 17th, 2024

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