How Narcissists Manipulate You?

A narcissist is someone who has an inflated sense of their importance, a deep need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. They may come across as...

A narcissist is someone who has an inflated sense of their importance, a deep need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. They may come across as cocky or conceited, boastful or pretentious. Narcissists often use manipulation tactics to maintain control in relationships, exploiting their narcissistic traits to create an abusive relationship dynamic. Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder frequently employ tactics that can exacerbate mental disorders and lead to low self-esteem in their victims. Narcissists are often charming at first- but the charm wears off very quickly. Using the skills of spending time shifting blame and avoiding taking responsibility, these self-absorbed individuals may even drive others to self harm through their relentless and harmful actions. Narcissists can be difficult to deal with and they often try to manipulate the people around them.

Emotional Manipulation

One of the ways that narcissists manipulate is by playing on your emotions. They may try to make you feel guilty or ashamed, to control you.

Some examples of how this can look are:

  • They might say something like, "You're so selfish! How could you do this to me?" to make you feel guilty.
  • They might play the victim and say things like, "I can't believe you would do this to me, after everything I've done for you."
  • They can try to make you feel sorry for them, by saying things like, "I can't believe how hard I've had it, no one ever understands me."
  • They might try and say something designed to make you question your sanity or memory, such as "I never said that," or "You're just imagining things."

These are just a few examples of how a narcissist might try to manipulate you emotionally. If you're dealing with a narcissist, it's important to be aware of their tactics so you can protect yourself.

a sticker on a wall that says a culture of narcissism

Physical Manipulation

In addition to emotional manipulation, narcissists may also try physical manipulation. This can involve using their physical presence to intimidate or control you. For example, they might stand too close to you, invade your personal space, or even threaten you physically. They might also try to control your behavior by using physical force or violence. This is one way how a narcissist manipulates.

a young man with an intimidating look on his face

Psychological Manipulation

Narcissists may also try to manipulate you psychologically. This can involve trying to control how you think or feel about yourself or the situation. For example, they might try to gaslight you- which means they try to make you question your own reality or memory. They might say things like, "You're just imagining things," or "I never said that." They might also try to convince you that you're not good enough, or that you're to blame for whatever problems they're experiencing. This is another way how a narcissist manipulates.

Other Common Narcissistic Manipulation Tactics

Understanding how narcissists manipulate you can help you recognize and protect yourself from narcissistic abuse in various relationships.

Tactic

Example

Blame Shifting

The narcissist creates scenarios where they blame you for their own actions, leaving you questioning your self worth.

Love Bombing

In the beginning of romantic relationships, they may overwhelm you with affection to gain control and make you overly sensitive to their needs.

Silent Treatment

They may ignore you completely to maintain control and make you feel insignificant, leading to constant fear of rejection.

Smear Campaign

Narcissists often spread rumors about you to ruin your reputation and isolate you from your support network.

Emotional Blackmail

They use your emotions against you, threatening to harm themselves or others to manipulate your actions.

Projection

A tactic where they accuse you of having the same negative traits they possess, making you question your mental state and self esteem.

Triangulation

They involve a third person in conflicts to create jealousy and rivalry, further maintaining control over the relationship.

Minimizing Your Feelings

Narcissists often downplay your feelings and experiences to make you feel overly sensitive and unimportant.

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a type of psychological manipulation that can be very damaging. It involves making someone question their own reality or memory, to the point where they doubt themselves. Gaslighting can be extremely harmful and it's important to be aware of it if you're dealing with a narcissist. The name gaslighting comes from the 1938 play Gas Light, in which a husband tries to make his wife think she's going crazy by dimming the gas lights and then denying that he did it. Be mindful of those who try to gaslight you- it's a form of control and manipulation that can have a serious impact on your life. Gaslighting is different than lying in that it's not just about deceiving someone, it's about making them doubt their own reality or memory.

Learn the Warning Signs of a Narcissist

Narcissists can be difficult to deal with and they often try to manipulate the people around them. If you're in a relationship with a narcissist, it's important to be aware of their tactics so you can protect yourself.

Some warning signs of narcissism are:

  • They have a sense of entitlement and expect special treatment.
  • They need constant attention and admiration.
  • They are very self-centered and always think they are right.
  • They can be manipulative and use tactics like guilt, shame, and gaslighting to control others.
  • They can be volatile and have a short temper.
  • They may also be physically abusive.

These are a few things to look out for when identifying. This is an important part of learning how a narcissist manipulates.

Tips for Dealing With a Narcissist

It can be a challenge to have to share space with a narcissist. If you have to deal with a narcissist, here are some tips:

  • Try to get them to see things from your perspective
  • Don't engage in arguments or power struggles. Keep your distance.
  • Set boundaries and stick to them
  • Make sure you have a support system of friends or family you can rely on
  • Document everything and keep records of any abusive behavior

If you're in a relationship with a narcissist, it's important to get out of it if possible. If you can't leave, there are still things you can do to protect yourself.

Seek Professional Help If Necessary

If you're struggling to deal with a narcissist, it's important to seek professional help if necessary. A therapist can help you understand the situation and give you the tools to deal with it.

Disclaimer

The information in this article is for informational purposes only. This content should not be considered professional medical advice. If you need help please seek medical attention from a licensed medical professional, therapist, counselor, or psychologist. They can help you by offering professional advice and giving you the tools you need to navigate challenging mental health situations.

Conclusion

If you're in a relationship with a narcissist, it's important to be aware of their tactics so you can protect yourself. Try to get them to see things from your perspective and avoid arguing with them. Set boundaries and stick to them. Make sure you have a support system of friends or family you can rely on. If you're struggling to deal with a narcissist, it's important to seek professional help if necessary. A therapist can help you understand the situation and give you the tools to deal with it.

Author
Jennifer Luttman, LPC, ACS

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, and owner of Overcomers Counseling. I'm dedicated to helping individuals find strength and healing through life’s challenges. With a deep understanding of mental health and years of professional experience, I specialize in fostering hope and resilience while equipping her clients with tools to thrive. Passionate about empowering others, she creates a safe, supportive space where everyone feels seen, valued, and capable of overcoming obstacles on their path to well-being.

Common Questions about Narcissistic Personality

What is causing narcissistic injury and how does it relate to a narcissist ignoring you?

Causing narcissistic injury means hurting a narcissist's ego or self-importance. Even the smallest mistake or criticism can cause this injury. When injured, a narcissist might ignore the person who caused the injury to protect their inflated self-image...

What are the different types of narcissists?

There are many different kinds of narcissists, but the six main types are The Narcissistic Victim, The Covert Narcissist, The Malignant Narcissist, The Exhibitionist Narcissist, The Somatic or Cerebral Narcissist, and The Toxic Parent.

Do all narcissists tend to cheat in relationships?

Not all narcissists cheat in relationships. While many do exhibit traits such as an inflated ego and poor impulse control, not every individual with narcissistic traits will engage in infidelity. It's important to remember that narcissism is a spectrum, and behavior can vary greatly among individuals.

Can a narcissist feel remorse after cheating?

While it's possible for a narcissist to feel remorse, it's not typically associated with their behavior. Due to their inflated sense of self and lack of empathy, narcissists may not feel guilty after cheating. Instead, they might use manipulation tactics, or other forms of narcissistic abuse, to justify their actions or shift the blame onto others.

What are some common narcissistic traits?

Common narcissistic traits include self-importance grandiosity, self-indulgences that they imagine unlimited success and a belief that they are "special" and unique. They often require excessive admiration and have a sense of entitlement. These traits can be particularly damaging in sibling relationships.

How does a narcissistic sibling impact family relationships?

A narcissistic sibling can destroy family relationships. Their need for narcissistic supply often leads them to create divisive family dynamics and foster sibling rivalry. This can result in other siblings feeling neglected or abused.