Are Narcissists Controlling?

If you're wondering whether narcissists control those around them, it's likely you suspect someone in your life exhibits narcissistic traits. You might even feel that this individual is trying, or succeeding, to maintain control over you. The straightforward answer is yes, narcissists are very controlling. It is a defining feature of such personalities. Narcissistic relationships, whether romantic or otherwise, often involve manipulative behavior and narcissistic abuse. When narcissists feel they're losing control, they may resort to tactics like a smear campaign or display narcissistic rage to secure their narcissistic supply. In an abusive relationship with a narcissist, recognizing the signs of their manipulative behavior is crucial. Learn more about how narcissistic parents or partners react and manage their own behavior can be the first step toward addressing the dynamics of these relationships.

Are Narcissists Controlling? Love Bombing

One common manipulation tactic that narcissistic individuals use to gain control in romantic relationships is love bombing. In a narcissistic relationship, these individuals often seek out partners with codependent tendencies, exploiting their fears of abandonment and rejection. Narcissists control by overwhelming their partner with affection, making them feel extraordinarily special and cherished. This tactic of narcissist control initially boosts the victim's self esteem, creating a false sense of self-worth tied to the narcissist's validation. Narcissists might mimic interests and behaviors to further entrench their influence, creating an illusion of deep connection. This manipulation invades the victim's emotional space, leaving them vulnerable to the whims of the narcissist. As the relationship progresses, the victim's sense of self becomes increasingly reliant on the narcissist, allowing the narcissist to react with control and dominance, typical of certain mental disorders.

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Are Narcissists Controlling? Hot and Cold

Narcissists often start a relationship with love bombing to establish control, showering the person with overwhelming affection. Once the victim is on an emotional high, many narcissists begin to retreat their attention, using this withdrawal as one of their key manipulation tactics. This sudden change leaves the person feeling destabilized and more susceptible to being controlled. Narcissists react by subtly guilt tripping and prioritizing their own needs, reinforcing their self importance. This shift places them in a dominant position, making it easier to try to control others. For those with codependent tendencies, this dynamic is particularly damaging, as they may lack self compassion and fear rejection. It is important for individuals in such relationships to recognize these patterns and seek professional help to regain a sense of self and autonomy.

Are Narcissists Controlling? Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a way that narcissists control the narrative. Since they don't acknowledge independent thought, narcissists must control the narrative. They will control how you think, feel, and perceive events. This is intended to undermine the victim's confidence and self-trust. A narcissist won't allow you to have your own experiences. They want you to have their experiences. If you ever confront them about their behavior, they will deny that it happened.

Are Narcissists Controlling? Minimizing

One way narcissists are controlling is through minimizing. Once they deny that something happened - or, they can't deny that it happened - a narcissist will move on to minimizing. They do this most strongly with things that might make them look or feel bad. Narcissists care extremely about their image. But, they also care about protecting their feelings. They minimize their behavior so that they can continue to pretend that they're perfect. This is also a controlling tactic. Not only do they gaslight, narcissists control by denying and minimizing as well. There is often a double standard involved. A narcissist won't acknowledge hurting others but will feel devastated if accused of hurting others. This means that they will often overreact to perceived slights. You may feel like you're always walking on eggshells around them. You may never be able to predict when they're going to lash out again.

Are Narcissists Controlling? Shaming

Another controlling tactic used by narcissists is shaming. Clinicians argue that narcissism is driven by shame. The inability to deal with this shame drives a lot of the narcissist's behavior. And, a desire to deny this shame drives a lot of a narcissist's controlling behavior. They don't want to experience their own shame, so they project that shame onto others. Projection is accusing someone of doing what you're doing and it's one of the hallmarks of narcissistic behavior. They will be quick to point it out when others fail or struggle. They will often seem as if they are enjoying the difficulties that others may experience. If you're in a controlling relationship with a narcissist, then they'll seek out ways to undermine your confidence and increase your feelings of shame. This makes them feel better about themselves.

Conclusion

Narcissists are controlling. It's one of their primary characteristics. And, they use these manipulative tactics to exert their control and dominance over others. People in relationships with narcissists start to feel out of control because the narcissist has taken that away from them. If you identify with any of the tactics described in this article, you should seek help. Professional help can help you retake control of your life back from a narcissist.