It's important to take note of how mental illness can be associated with childhood trauma and learned maladaptive behaviors, but how much of those symptoms...
It's important to take note of how mental illness can be associated with childhood trauma and learned maladaptive behaviors, but how much of those symptoms are attributed to abusive behavior, if at all? It is important to note the distinction between the two that abuse is a learned behavior that comes in many forms. It can be social, economic, physical, spiritual, sexual, racial, and ability-based.
Mental Illness is symptoms experienced that we are not necessarily in control of and can choose to cope with, whereas behavior we are always in control of.
Having a mental illness can also be an emotional manipulation tactic used by abusers.
They essentially receive a 'label' by a mental health professional and automatically believe it excuses them from accountability and responsibility for their past and or current abusive behaviors. It can also be used to gaslight victims and survivors into thinking "that wasn't the person being abusive, it was their mental illness,' which can then lead them back into an abusive relationship they may have previously departed from.
Common mental illness diagnoses where abusive behavior is common are:
While these are serious mental health conditions, it is important to continue to be mindful that mental illness is not a direct cause of abusive behavior. Someone can be angry, sad, or manic and still behave kindly towards their partner, friend, etc.
A lot of times in social settings, abusive partners are very skilled at behaving in ways that do not exemplify or indicate their behaviors that they engage in at home when it is just them and their partner. This can increase difficulty in the victim/survivor receiving validation for their experiences, and if mental illness is present, a lot of times the blame is assuaged onto the diagnosis.
"Oh since your partner is Bipolar, they are probably just manic right now. I would just be extra careful what you say or do so they don't become irritable with you."
Unfortunately, these statements from family and friends can be all too common and further blur the lines between abusive behavior and mental illness.
If your partner has diagnosed with a mental illness and engages in behavior such as
It is important to be mindful of separating those behaviors from emotions/symptoms like irritability, hopelessness, apathy, excessive worrying.People can experience those emotions and symptoms without engaging in the above behaviors, especially if it is a partner or friend who is exclusively targeting you and no one else.
For anyone suspecting that they might be in an abusive relationship, there is an excellent resource in the form of a book entitled, "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft.
If you decide to purchase this book, it is important to make sure your partner does not know about it as it could lead to them to read it in order to manipulate/gaslight or endanger physical safety if you are experiencing physical abuse as well.
Tessa is a great resource in Colorado Springs for those currently experiencing domestic violence/abuse or who have past experiences of it.
I am a Licensed Professional Counselor and owner of Overcomers Counseling. I'm dedicated to helping individuals find strength and healing through life’s challenges. With a deep understanding of mental health and years of professional experience, I specialize in fostering hope and resilience while equipping my clients with tools to thrive. Passionate about empowering others, I create a safe, supportive space where everyone feels seen, valued, and capable of overcoming obstacles on their path to well-being.
Yes, EFT is effective in addressing long-standing relationship issues by focusing on the underlying emotional and attachment needs. It helps partners break free from negative cycles and build a more secure and satisfying relationship.
During your first couples counseling session, your therapist will likely gather information about your relationship history, current challenges, and individual backgrounds. They may also ask about your goals for therapy and what you hope to achieve. This initial session serves as an opportunity for you and your partner to become comfortable with the therapist and begin building trust in the therapeutic process.
No, you don't necessarily have to go to counseling together. In some cases, it may be more helpful for each spouse to meet with the counselor individually. This can be a good way to address specific issues that one spouse may be struggling with.
The first step is to take responsibility for your actions and apologize. Next, be honest with your thoughts and feelings. Show that you're willing to change and be a better partner. Finally, set some boundaries to help prevent future hurt. Remember to be patient as it takes time to rebuild trust.
Teaching persistence is a long-term process that requires patience and commitment.
It may take months or even years to help your child develop persistence, but the rewards are worth it in the end.
Yes, it's completely normal. Starting therapy can feel daunting as it often involves discussing sensitive topics. It's important to remember that it's okay to feel this way and that your therapist is there to support you.
