How to Tell Your Spouse They Drink Too Much

Addressing a spouse's excessive drinking can be challenging, yet it's essential for their well-being. If you're concerned about alcohol addiction, whether...

Marriage
June 26, 2025

Addressing a spouse's excessive drinking can be challenging, yet it's essential for their well-being. If you're concerned about alcohol addiction, whether it's "my husband drinks too much" or "my wife drinks too much," it's time to initiate an honest dialogue.

Recognizing that alcohol use disorder and alcohol misuse can escalate over time highlights the urgency of addressing the issue. Partner's drinking habits can impact the entire family, making it vital to explore available addiction treatment options.

Consider engaging with resources like the Mental Health Services Administration can offer guidance.

You can also consider addiction counseling, couples therapy, or family therapy.

Here are some tips to help you talk to your spouse about their drinking alcohol and encourage them to stop drinking before it's too late.

Communication Strategies

Strategy

Description

Choose the Right Time and PlaceInitiate the conversation with your partner when both are calm, away from stress or activities that involve drinking. Ensure the setting is private and free from other family members.

Express Concerns with Empathy

Use positive language to express your worries about substance abuse. Mention how your husband's drinking or wife's drinking impacts your own health and the well-being of other family members.

Be Honest and Direct

Clearly describe specific instances of binge drinking or alcohol use disorders. Highlight the importance of quitting drinking for the health of the alcoholic spouse and the family.

Listen Actively

Encourage open dialogue by allowing your alcoholic husband or wife to share their feelings. Listen to their perspective on substance use disorders without interrupting.

Avoid Blame and Judgment

Focus on healthy boundaries, avoiding blame for their alcohol use disorder. Offer encouragement and stress that you are addressing the issue of drug abuse together.

Offer Support and Solutions

Seek support for your family member by exploring treatment options. Suggest professional help or support groups to help them quit drinking and improve their health.

Follow Up and Stay Engaged

Continue the conversation with your partner regularly. Remain supportive and involved as they work on quitting drinking, ensuring a positive and encouraging environment.

The Signs That Your Spouse has a Drinking Problem

If you're unsure whether your spouse has a drinking problem, there are a few key signs to look for.

First, consider how much your spouse drinks.

  • Are they drinking more than they used to?
  • Are they drinking every day?
  • Do they need to drink to feel relaxed or happy?

Next, take note of how your spouse acts when they're drinking.

  • Are they more aggressive or argumentative?
  • Do they have trouble controlling their emotions?
  • Have they been blackout drunk or done things they can't remember?

Lastly, pay attention to the effect that drinking has on your spouse's life.

  • Have they been neglecting their work or family responsibilities?
  • Have they lost interest in hobbies or activities they used to enjoy?

If you're seeing any of these red flags, it's important to talk to your spouse about their drinking. They may be struggling with alcoholism and need help getting treatment.

a neon sign that says bar

How Alcohol Can Affect Your Relationship

If your spouse has a drinking problem, it will undoubtedly have a negative impact on your relationship. It's important to understand how alcohol can affect your partner's behavior and your own emotional state. Heavy drinking can lead to changes in personality, anxiety, and depression. It can also lead to financial problems, job loss, and legal issues.

It can lead to risky behaviors like driving drunk. If you're married to someone with a drinking problem, you may find yourself constantly walking on eggshells, feeling like you have to tread carefully to avoid triggering a possible outburst. You may feel like you're always cleaning up the messes caused by your spouse's drinking.

If this sounds familiar, it's important to get help. There are resources available to assist you in dealing with a spouse with a drinking problem. Don't suffer in silence - reach out for help today.

What You Can Do to Help Your Spouse Get Treatment

If you're worried that your spouse is drinking too much, it's important to take action. Left untreated, alcohol abuse can lead to a variety of health problems, including liver damage, heart disease, and cancer.It can also result in accidents, violence, and financial ruin.Fortunately, there are things you can do to help your spouse get treatment.The first step is to talk to your spouse about your concerns.

If they're open to talking, try to express your worries in a non-judgmental way. You might say something like,

  • "I've noticed that you've been drinking more lately and I'm worried about you"
  • "I'm worried about your health"
  • "I'm worried that you're going to get hurt"
  • "I'm worried that your drinking is going to ruin our relationship"

If your spouse is resistant to treatment, you might need to get help from a professional. An interventionist can work with you and your family to plan a confrontation that will encourage your spouse to seek help.Treatment for alcohol abuse often includes counseling, support groups, and medication.With the right help, your spouse can recover from alcoholism and go on to lead a healthy and happy life.

a hand holding a drink

How to Cope with the Situation Until They Get Help

Many people find themselves in the position of having to tell their spouse that they drink too much.This can be a difficult conversation to have, but it is important to remember that you are not alone.

  • Talk to your spouse about your concerns in a non-judgmental way.
  • Encourage them to seek professional help.
  • Don't enable their drinking behavior by covering for them or making excuses.
  • Make sure you take care of yourself emotionally and physically.

If you are facing this situation, remember that you are not alone and there is help available. With the right support, you can get through this.

Seek Professional Help if Needed

If you need professional help contact a therapist, counselor, or interventionist in your area. They can give you the tools and resources you need to deal with this situation.You can also find support groups in your area that can help you cope with having a spouse with a drinking problem.Reach out for help today so you can get the support you need.

Disclaimer

The content in the blog post is meant for informational purposes only. This blog post should not be used as a substitute for official medical advice from a licensed therapist, counselor, or other professional.

Conclusion

If you are worried that your spouse is drinking too much, it's important to take action.Left untreated, alcohol abuse can lead to a variety of health problems.With the right help, your spouse can recover from alcoholism and go on to lead a healthy and happy life.In the meantime, make sure to take care of yourself emotionally and physically.If you need professional help, there are many resources available. Reach out for help today so you can get the support you need.

Author
Jennifer Luttman, LPC, ACS

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, and owner of Overcomers Counseling. I'm dedicated to helping individuals find strength and healing through life’s challenges. With a deep understanding of mental health and years of professional experience, I specialize in fostering hope and resilience while equipping her clients with tools to thrive. Passionate about empowering others, she creates a safe, supportive space where everyone feels seen, valued, and capable of overcoming obstacles on their path to well-being.

Common Questions about Marriage

When Should I Talk to a Professional?

If you've tried everything and you're still not sure how to help your codependent husband, it may be time to seek professional help. This is a big decision, but it may be the best thing for your husband and your relationship. If you're not sure where to start, you can talk to your husband's doctor or mental health professional. They will be able to provide you with more information on codependency and how to help your husband.

How does EFT couples therapy address negative emotions and interactions?

EFT helps couples identify and de-escalate negative emotions and interactions, replacing them with positive cycles of communication and support. This process fosters a deeper understanding and emotional responsiveness between partners.

What are some common mistakes to avoid in striving for interdependence?


Common mistakes include neglecting personal growth, failing to communicate openly, not respecting boundaries, and overlooking the importance of individual interests.

Do we have to go to counseling together?

No, you don't necessarily have to go to counseling together. In some cases, it may be more helpful for each spouse to meet with the counselor individually. This can be a good way to address specific issues that one spouse may be struggling with.

What are the common outcomes of EFT couples therapy?

Couples who undergo EFT often experience improved emotional connection, reduced conflict, and a stronger secure attachment. The change process promotes healthier interactions and greater satisfaction in the relationship.

How often do we need to go to counseling?

This is something that you'll need to discuss with your counselor. In some cases, weekly sessions may be appropriate. In other cases, you may only need to meet every other week or once a month.