Parenting without Yelling

Parenting without Yelling

When your parenting journey begins, you spend a lot of your time striving to figure out how your ideal relationship should be with your child. 

You keep striving to devise strategies for positive parenting, so that you can instill discipline, good values and morals to the maximum in your children.

But often the tough challenges break your good resolve. 

Instead of positive parenting, you turn somewhat into Godzilla for your children. 

Your patience stretches to such limits that you convince yourself that yelling is the only way to discipline your children, but that's not right.

You see, children are similar to a garden of different flowers. 

The entire garden comes alive with blossoms, colors and perfumes when the gardener tends to each seed lovingly. 

Similarly, you need to develop a loving approach from the start so that your child's personality blossoms without you needing to yell at them at all.

Positive parenting takes a positive, disciplined and cultured approach towards strengthening a child's values.

Let's take a look at some of the ways how you can do it:

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1. Deliver a warning

Instead of yelling right away at the first sign of disobedience, start with a warning instead. 

For example, if your kid is stalling bedtime or throwing tantrums for nothing, you could warn saying, "You're compelling me to yelling at you and I don't want to do that to make you obey me. 

One more time and I will not contain myself any longer too."

A sober warning can work successfully too in making your kid obey. 

2. Identify Red Flags

You don't yell out of the blue, there is usually some behavior that triggers it and you must identify what those are.

If you can spot your triggers, you will perhaps be more successful at preventing them in future.

Trigger can be leaving office bone-weary and still having to cook dinner and similar frustrations. 

These can add up and any slight tantrum from your kid in such a mood can cause you to explode. 

When you identify triggers piling inside you, it is best to make better choices, like preparing a simple dinner, ordering a healthy take-out or distracting the kids with some movie or artwork while you cook peacefully. 

3. Set Clear Rules and Consequences from the start

If you set household rules right from the start, you will not have to resort to yelling for the rest of the days.

It is a great idea to prominent display your household rules as well as the consequences of breaking them so that the children know their ultimate boundaries.

When they do break a rule despite being well aware of it, follow it up immediately with a consequence. 

Try to eliminate nagging, yelling and lecturing from your parenting methodology because we believe actions are more impactful than words. 

The more you yell and try to lecture your children for disciplining them, the lesser impact and meaning your words will have for them.

Essentially, when you are introducing the household rules to your children, you must also explain the negative consequences of breaking them. 

Do this ahead of time and explain there will be no lenience in the consequences. 

You could try taking away privileges, use time out or whatever seems fit to you to help them learn their lesion for slipping up. 

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4. Yes List 

Along with pasting household rules all over the house, you must also prepare a yes list and paste it alongside.

In many households, you will already see this practice in use. 

A yes list consists of things your children can which will be acceptable for you, before you start yelling at them.

A yes list will teach the children how far they can do something before they enter the red zone and you are part negotiations with them. 

5. Use Positive Reinforcement

Positive reinforcement will prove a super helpful tool in motivating your children to follow the rules.

It is far more effective and impactful than yelling.

If you can make negative consequences for breaking the rules, why can't you offer positive consequences too for obeying them?

Hence, make sure to always praise your children why you see their concerted efforts to obey you. 

Never fail to thank them for things like completing their homework before you have to force them to it, completing some house chores before you're home from work and stuff like that.

You could even have some reward systems like a sticker chart, small treat or ten extra minutes of cartoons to encourage good behavior. 

6. Do not teach in moments of anger 

When you're yelling at your kids, remember you're not communicating with them. 

You are only unleashing your anger, impatience and frustration and that will never deliver the lesson you want them to learn.

You may think your child needs to learn in the moment they have broken a rule but they're not like puppies who can forget what happened ten minutes ago. 

First of all, you must exercise self-control in the moment.

When you calm down, only then is the time to have the much important discussion with them. 

When you're wrath is under control, then explain what your behavior expectations are and what consequences they will suffer if they don't behave accordingly. 

7. Keep Realistic Expectations 

This is key to positive parenting. 

You cannot set unrealistic expectations for their age and then yell when the kids fail to keep up with them.

Parents often become so ambitious is rearing perfectly disciplined kids that they forget there is only so much children can do and understand according to their age.

Issue one disciplinary directive at a time so that your child can adjust, cope and practice accordingly. 

You cannot expect your daughter to enjoy a day trip or outing like an adult when jet lag or the summer heat can make a child tired and cranky.

There are many simple scenarios too where parents tend to complicate behavioral matters with their unrealistic expectations.

Final Thoughts

Parenting is one of the toughest, if not the only toughest, job in the world. 

Each day with your child demands limitless patience, perseverance and understanding. 

When frustrations keep mounting up with behavioral problems, parents resort to yelling as the only solution, but that's not how it needs to be.

With certain strategic approaches, you'd never have to yell at your kid to make them obey you and behave well.

Positive parenting will refine your child into the most polished individual, without having to yell like a maniac at all. 

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August 13th, 2022

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