Are you in a relationship with someone who's cheating on you?

It's quite possible that they're a narcissist.

The sad truth is that narcissism and cheating tend to coexist in relationships.

Even when it's a long-term relationship where they've been caught, a narcissist may continue cheating. 

There are many reasons for this.

Narcissism and Cheating Occur Because the Narcissist Lacks Empathy.

People who are narcissistic lack empathy, which means they struggle to understand and relate to their partner's emotions.

They also can't put themselves in their partner's "shoes" and consider things from their point of view.

The reason narcissism and cheating coexist: Narcissists can't consider how their actions will affect their partner.

While you may think that this merely means that they don't care, it's more than that.

They can't experience empathy.

Instead, they live in the moment and focus on having their needs met without considering or concerning themselves with their partner's needs.

Narcissism and Cheating Occur Because the Narcissist has Low Self-Esteem.

Although narcissists want you to think that they function well and are highly competent, this is their way of hiding their low self-esteem. 

This is important for them.

They need to feel superior, but they can't bring themselves to behave in this fashion.

They also can't validate their own self-worth, which is why they must seek validation from others.

The narcissist's partner will continually need to reassure them they're a great person.

When this doesn't happen, they'll seek this validation from someone else without considering or caring about how it'll affect their partner.

All they want is for their own needs to be met.

Why Do Narcissists Cheat? Because the Narcissists Feel the Need to Devalue Their Partner.

With narcissism and cheating, it isn't bad enough that the narcissist is seeking validation from someone else, but they'll also start devaluing their partner at the same time.

By attacking their partner, they're increasing their own self-esteem and making themselves feel better.

However, once the partner finds out about it, the narcissist won't show any remorse.

Instead, they'll use this as another way of devaluing their partner.

Narcissism and Cheating Occur Because the Narcissist Needs Their Own Needs Met While Also Controlling Their Partner.

This is a type of gaslighting. When the narcissist is caught, they don't seem to care.

Instead, they use their own controlling and manipulative behaviors to pull you back into the relationship while also building themselves up.

When a partner has proof that they've been cheated on and confronts their narcissistic partner about it, they'll deny this behavior.

In this way, they further their use of gaslighting.

This has a way of making you question your reality.

In this "game" of narcissism and cheating, you become the narcissist's pawn.

Narcissistic Cheating Occurs Because the Narcissist Believes the Rules Don't Apply to Them.

Narcissists create a world around them that gives their ego a boost. In this world, rules don't apply to them.

Instead, they continually search to have their own needs met.

When this is combined with their lack of empathy, you see that they play by their own rules with no regard as to how this may affect other people.

As they make their way through this world, they don't take anyone else into consideration.

When your partner cheats on you, it's natural to consider what caused them to cheat or how you could have prevented it.

However, if you're dating a narcissist, the cheating has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

Your partner chose to cheat, and you shouldn't take responsibility for it.

Frequently Asked Questions about a Cheating Narcissist

What is a cheating narcissist?

A cheating narcissist is an individual who possesses narcissistic traits and engages in infidelity. They often display an inflated sense of self-importance, poor impulse control, and use manipulation tactics to maintain relationships while pursuing other romantic or sexual interests.

What are some key narcissistic traits that might lead to cheating?

Narcissistic traits that may lead to cheating include an exaggerated sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy for others, a need for constant admiration, and poor impulse control. These individuals may feel entitled to pursue other relationships without considering the feelings of their current partner.

How does poor impulse control relate to narcissism and cheating?

Poor impulse control is a common trait among narcissists. This can manifest as a tendency to act on whims or desires without considering the potential consequences. In the context of a relationship, this may lead to infidelity if the narcissist is attracted to someone else.

Do all narcissists tend to cheat in relationships?

Not all narcissists cheat in relationships. While many do exhibit traits such as an inflated ego and poor impulse control, not every individual with narcissistic traits will engage in infidelity. It's important to remember that narcissism is a spectrum, and behavior can vary greatly among individuals.

Is narcissism a personality disorder or a mental disorder?

Narcissism is considered a type of personality disorder known as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). However, it is also part of the broader category of mental disorders. It's crucial for a mental health professional to diagnose these conditions, as they require specialized knowledge and experience with personality disorders.

Can a narcissist feel remorse after cheating?

While it's possible for a narcissist to feel remorse, it's not typically associated with their behavior. Due to their inflated sense of self and lack of empathy, narcissists may not feel guilty after cheating. Instead, they might use manipulation tactics, or other forms of narcissistic abuse, to justify their actions or shift the blame onto others.

How can I deal with a cheating narcissist?

Dealing with a cheating narcissist can be challenging due to their manipulation tactics and lack of remorse. It's recommended to seek support from a mental health professional who can provide strategies and tools for managing the relationship and your emotions. They can also help you decide whether it's in your best interest to stay in the relationship or leave. 

Conclusion

Unfortunately, when a narcissist cheats, they're unlikely to stop out of concern for you and your feelings.

Although this is hard to understand, it is important to do so because you don't want to continually be cheated on.

Instead, get out of the relationship and restore stability in your life.

At Overcomers Counseling, we understand the complexities of narcissism and cheating.

Our therapists are available to meet with you and help you get back on your feet again.

When you're ready, set up an appointment with us.

We look forward to helping you feel better about yourself and move forward with your life.

Resources 

Conceit and deceit: Lying, cheating, and stealing among grandiose narcissists - ScienceDirect

Shades of narcissistic dishonesty: Grandiose versus vulnerable narcissism and the role of self-conscious emotions - ScienceDirect

Narcissism and academic dishonesty: The exhibitionism dimension and the lack of guilt (sakkyndig.com)