Are you in a relationship with someone who's cheating on you? It's quite possible that they're a narcissist. The sad truth is that narcissism and cheating...
Are you in a relationship with someone who's cheating on you? It's quite possible that they're a narcissist. The sad truth is that narcissism and cheating tend to coexist in relationships. Even when it's a long-term relationship where they've been caught, a narcissist may continue cheating. There are many reasons for this.
People who are narcissistic lack empathy, which means they struggle to understand and relate to their partner's emotions. They also can't put themselves in their partner's "shoes" and consider things from their point of view. The reason narcissism and cheating coexist: Narcissists can't consider how their actions will affect their partner. While you may think that this merely means that they don't care, it's more than that. They can't experience empathy. Instead, they live in the moment and focus on having their needs met without considering or concerning themselves with their partner's needs.
Although narcissists want you to think that they function well and are highly competent, this is their way of hiding their low self-esteem.
This is important for them.
They need to feel superior, but they can't bring themselves to behave in this fashion. They also can't validate their own self-worth, which is why they must seek validation from others. The narcissist's partner will continually need to reassure them they're a great person. When this doesn't happen, they'll seek this validation from someone else without considering or caring about how it'll affect their partner. All they want is for their own needs to be met.
With narcissism and cheating, it isn't bad enough that the narcissist is seeking validation from someone else, but they'll also start devaluing their partner at the same time. By attacking their partner, they're increasing their own self-esteem and making themselves feel better. However, once the partner finds out about it, the narcissist won't show any remorse. Instead, they'll use this as another way of devaluing their partner.
This is a type of gaslighting. When the narcissist is caught, they don't seem to care. Instead, they use their own controlling and manipulative behaviors to pull you back into the relationship while also building themselves up. Sometimes, narcissists say things to themselves to make this feeling justified. When a partner has proof that they've been cheated on and confronts their narcissistic partner about it, they'll deny this behavior. In this way, they further their use of gaslighting. This has a way of making you question your reality. In this "game" of narcissism and cheating, you become the narcissist's pawn.
Narcissists create a world around them that gives their ego a boost. In this world, rules don't apply to them. Instead, they continually search to have their own needs met. When this is combined with their lack of empathy, you see that they play by their own rules with no regard as to how this may affect other people. As they make their way through this world, they don't take anyone else into consideration. When your partner cheats on you, it's natural to consider what caused them to cheat or how you could have prevented it. However, if you're dating a narcissist, the cheating has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. Your partner chose to cheat, and you shouldn't take responsibility for it.
Sign
Explanation
Love Bombing
Many narcissists start a relationship with excessive compliments and grand gestures to secure a good supply.
Silent Treatment
When upset, they may give the silent treatment to manipulate and control the other person.
Constant Need for Attention
Narcissistic partners often crave constant attention and external validation to maintain their self-image.
Cheating
A cheating partner looking for new supply and more money often exhibits narcissistic infidelity.
Sudden Change in Behavior
A sudden change in behavior, such as becoming distant, might indicate they're seeking a new supply.
Lack of Empathy
Overt narcissists typically lack empathy, making it difficult to connect on an emotional level.
Controlling Behavior
Malignant narcissists often exhibit controlling behavior to ensure their source of narcissistic supply remains stable.
Gaslighting
In narcissistic relationships, gaslighting is common to make the victim feel wrong or doubt their reality.
Excessive Charm
Most narcissists use excessive charm to win over others and maintain their self-image.
Jealousy and Possessiveness
Many narcissists are jealous and possessive to keep their partner from finding a better supply or leaving.
Eye Contact Avoidance
Avoiding eye contact during important conversations can be a tactic used to exert power and control
.Devaluing and Discarding
After the initial love bombing phase, a narcissistic partner may devalue and eventually discard you for another person or new supply.
Blame Shifting
In a narcissistic relationship, your partner may often shift blame onto you to avoid taking responsibility.
Unfortunately, when a narcissist cheats, they're unlikely to stop out of concern for you and your feelings. Although this is hard to understand, it is important to do so because you don't want to continually be cheated on. Instead, get out of the relationship and restore stability in your life. At Overcomers Counseling, we understand the complexities of narcissism and cheating. Our therapists are available to meet with you and help you get back on your feet again. When you're ready, set up an appointment with us. We look forward to helping you feel better about yourself and move forward with your life.
Conceit and deceit: Lying, cheating, and stealing among grandiose narcissists - ScienceDirect
I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, and owner of Overcomers Counseling. I'm dedicated to helping individuals find strength and healing through life’s challenges. With a deep understanding of mental health and years of professional experience, I specialize in fostering hope and resilience while equipping her clients with tools to thrive. Passionate about empowering others, she creates a safe, supportive space where everyone feels seen, valued, and capable of overcoming obstacles on their path to well-being.
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