How to Reconcile the Present With What Could Have Been

How to Reconcile the Present With What Could Have Been

It is possible to have deep regrets about the past that you might feel.

Some of these regrets might feel like mourning what could have been.

In some situations, you might need to receive grief therapy to finally reconcile the present with what could have been.

One of the first steps to take when you want to reconcile the present with what could have been is to let go of the past.

The past can contain significant emotional baggage that you carry with you.

The emotional barrier can trap your mind in the past.

Some people live with the idea of what the past could be rather than the present.

A complicated part of reconciling with what could have been is that you have to accept the present.

Although the present could be challenging for many people to accept, it is important to remember change can only come from the present.

You can reconcile the present with the past by shifting your expectations.

Sometimes, you can discover that the expectations you had in the past were unrealistic.

Approaching the past with different expectations can make positive differences in reconciling the present and past.

Find how to reconcile the present with what could have been below:

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Alex Wiley, LPC

What will you overcome?

Colorado Springs, Colorado

(719) 452-4374

Understand That the Past is Gone 

Reconciling what is with what could have been can be difficult.

You might have to relive challenging moments in your life again.

However, you can rely on the fact that the past is gone to find a way to reconcile the present and the past.

The dominant emotion that people that struggle to accept the present feel is regret.

Regret can be in many different forms.

Sometimes, it could be focused on sadness about previous decisions, and sometimes, regret can be focused on the way life turned out.

The truth about regret is that the past can not be altered in any form.

This means that any act that is based on trying to change the past in the past is not helpful to the present of a person.

Only the present can be effective in changing what the past will be.

It is possible to find comfort in regret.

However, try not to forget that no matter how often you let the past affect the present, it can not affect any changes.

However, you can learn from the past and apply the lessons to the present.

Let Go of the Past

Not all things we carry on us are physical.

Most people carry some form of emotional baggage that dominates their minds and bodies.

The past can be a big source of emotional baggage to carry.

A key step to being able to reconcile the present with what could have been is to let go of the past.

Consider the various methods you can use to address the emotional baggage.

Sharing can be an effective method to decrease emotional baggage for most.

Sometimes, our emotional baggage can obstruct us from reconciling with the past.

Some types of emotional baggage have physical mementos or souvenirs that keep us dominated in the past.

You can go through your property to let go of remnants of the past.

Try to distinguish between the past as a whole and the parts of the past you have to let go of.

It is essential to acknowledge that letting go of the past can be difficult.

You might feel like you are mourning the death of some parts of you.

Accept the Present 

The present is the most powerful state of time.

It is also the most difficult state of time we have.

One of the ways to reconcile the present with what will be is to accept the present.

It is possible you are unaware of existing subconscious attempts to resist the present.

This might mean you spend most of your time thinking about your past.

For some, most of their free time goes into looking at the past.

For example, you could be dealing with a loss you suffered by dwelling on your past with the person you lost.

Although remembering your lost loved ones is an important part of grief, persistence in the past can block your healing process.

A healthy way to grieve is to acknowledge changes and the current state of things.

The act of surrendering to the forces of the present is essential to reconcile with the past.

You have first to acknowledge the changes that come with the present.

Then you can likely influence your present in a manner you want.

Understand the Need for Reconciliation 

It is also important to acknowledge why you need a reconciliation of what could have been and the present.

Regret is closely associated with interacting with the past instead of the present.

Regret can cause feelings similar to grief by mourning the past and its opportunities.

You can be motivated to reconcile the present with what could have been when you analyze the effects of regret on your health.

Regret can damage your mental health with strong negative emotions.

There can be a trap of avoiding everything to avoid further regret.

If you let the past dominate you, you might be unable to explore and try new things.

The old feelings of what happened could cripple you with fear.

For example, you could struggle to consider new romantic partners because you regret how an old relationship ended.

Gradually, avoiding reconciling your present with the past can destroy your life.

Although reconciliation might appear to be difficult, in truth, it is easier than living in fear and regret.

Try to accept the present and the past to create a future that pleases you.

Shift Your Expectations 

The perspective you approach life from is usually pivotal to your life.

How you choose to view the past is crucial to have you feel about the past.

If you have challenges with the past, you could consider reevaluating your expectations from your past.

A shift in expectations can be an effective method to reconcile the present with what could have been.

Consider the use of more realistic goals and expectations.

Some ideas you believe about what the past should have been were always unrealistic and likely to cause disappointment.

For instance, most people dream of being wealthy in their youth.

Although you could choose to grieve and mourn your lost dreams, you could also appreciate the little pleasures in your youth.

It is vital to have a nuanced take on how reality operates.

The unfortunate truth is that the past is unalterable.

One of the control mechanisms you have is to determine how to look at the past.

This might help you to find peace in the past and present. 


Thinking about what could have been can be emotionally consuming.

Some people might need grief support for the past they mourn.

You can reconcile the present with what could have been by understanding the past is gone, letting go of the past, accepting the present, understanding the need for reconciliation, and shifting your expectations.


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January 28th, 2023