What to Do When You Feel Neglected by Your Wife After Having A Baby

What to Do When You Feel Neglected by Your Wife After Having A Baby
As a husband, when your bundle of joy comes into the world, you feel ecstatic to become a father, especially when you have been anticipating the moment. 

However, as thrilling as fatherhood can be, you might begin to feel neglected by your wife as the months go by.

When you have such feelings, discussing them with your wife carefully is essential. 

Emotional neglect in marriage can be saddening and scary, and these feelings are valid. 

However, your wife might not know you feel this way if you don't discuss it with her. 

Gather your thoughts and communicate your feelings with her carefully to redirect her gaze.

Similarly, your wife can unintentionally neglect you when she does all the parenting and is unhappy with the situation. 

It is your cue to step up to be a responsible father and be involved in the parenthood journey.

Being watchful of your expectations when you feel neglected is also crucial. 

Depending on your wife to feel loved and happy at all times is unhealthy for your marriage.

Practice self-care and meet your needs. 

This way, when you want to discuss with your wife how you feel, you are in a good state of mind.

Consider this overview to gain a deeper understanding of steps to take when you feel neglected by your wife:

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Carefully Tell Your Wife How You Feel

Motherhood comes with a lot of responsibilities. 

Asides from performing her motherly duties for the newborn, she also has to recover emotionally and mentally from her pregnancy journey and childbirth. 

So, it is important to gently communicate your needs when you feel neglected by your wife.

When telling your wife how you feel, use positive styles of communication. 

Your tone and language matter greatly if you want your wife to hear you and change for the better. 

Regardless of your frustrations, avoid calling your wife names, blaming her, shouting at her, or using curse words.

You can start by praising her for being a good mother, showing her you notice and appreciate her. 

Let your wife know how much you value her and how great she is at being a mother. 

Showering her with compliments will make her feel elated and reduce the stress or pressure she might be facing, thus making her emotionally available to you.

Despite your feelings of hurt and neglect, you must take some time to gather your thoughts and know precisely what your needs and expectations are from your wife.

Be a Responsible Father 

When your wife handles all household responsibilities alongside taking care of a baby, she will likely get overwhelmed and extremely stressed, thus making her emotionally unavailable to you.

At this moment, it is not a good idea to demand more from her. Instead, step up and be a responsible father when you feel neglected by your wife.

You can start by being actively involved in taking care of the child.

Taking care of a baby requires effort from both parties.

Asides from the duties only your wife can do, such as nursing, you should be involved in other aspects of catering for your child.

Also, don't assume your wife knows what to do or will do it better if you leave it all to her. 

Nobody gets handed an automatic manual for raising a child after childbirth. 

She is learning on the job like you too.

Similarly, it is vital to discuss parenting styles with your wife. 

There is no right way to raise a child; however, it helps when you can agree on some areas. 

Discussing parental styles allows you to be involved in the important decisions you have to make concerning your child, thus making your wife feel supported and less anxious when making decisions. 

Be a Responsible Husband 

The emotional and physical changes your wife experiences before and after childbirth might cause her to retract from you. 

You have to show up for her, support her and make her know you love her. 

When you feel neglected by your wife, pull her attention back to you by being a better husband.

While your wife settles after a baby, you can volunteer to take over a considerable part of the household responsibilities.

You can divert your wife's attention and energy by taking over some of the household responsibilities that can stress her.

Also, you can encourage your wife to share her feelings.

Avoid disregarding her discomforts or telling her they are "normal". 

If your wife doesn't readily open up, ask her questions about how she feels. 

Though important to focus on your child, your wife needs attention too.

Similarly, practice simple acts of kindness and love. 

You can offer to massage, pat her, hug her and get her favorite snacks or drink. Be attentive to her mood and body language and show up for her without her needing to ask. 

Suggest Weekly Rituals to Reignite Your Bond

When you feel neglected by your wife after childbirth, you can help her reconnect by suggesting rituals.

Having a baby shouldn't stop you from doing all the activities that made you thrive as a loving couple. 

Having routines strengthens your bond as lovers and parents.

Also, it is essential to be reasonable in your suggestions.

Ensure your wife has the time and energy to participate so she can do it wholeheartedly. 

You should also be open to compromising with each other when you have clashing interests.

Similarly, you can date your wife all over again. 

You can take her on a romantic date weekly to reignite your passion and intimacy as lovers. 

To survive the difficulties you face from being neglected, hit the reset button on your relationship.

You can also partake in rituals of non-sexual intimacy after a baby. 

You can start to kiss her every morning, cuddle her to sleep, pat her as she nurses, and\or touch her. 

When you make such activities a ritual, you encourage your wife to do the same. 

It also allows you to align the path to sexual intimacy after a baby.

Check Your Expectations 

Life after a baby is undoubtedly going to be different. 

Even when you adjust to becoming better couples, some things just won't remain the same, and that's okay. 

When you feel neglected by your wife, take a step back to reanalyze your expectations from her.

You might have had a dependency on your wife to make you feel attractive, noticed, special, and loved, before the baby.

However, after childbirth, you tend to feel lonely and neglected if she no longer has the energy or time to do those things.

Although it is normal to want to feel loved by your wife, it is your responsibility to make yourself happy.

A relationship indeed excels when the spouses show love and value for each other. 

However, it excels even more significantly when both partners meet their needs and meet each other in a happy place.

Do your best to meet your needs first. 

Make your meal, do your laundry, and do things that make you happy.

In essence, practice lots of self-care and take charge of your happiness. 

This way, when you approach your wife about feeling neglected, you don't seem demanding or needy. 

Conclusion

As delightful as parenthood can be, it takes effort from both partners to give attention to each other and remain emotionally connected. 

When you feel neglected by your wife, it is important to tackle such emotions at an early stage.

You can do so by carefully communicating how you feel, becoming a responsible father, being a responsible husband, suggesting weekly rituals to reignite your marriage bond, and checking your expectations.

Resources 

https://postpartumbrain.com/feel-neglected-by-husband-after-baby/

https://www.mamalette.com/feeling-neglected-after-childbirth/

https://issuesiface.com/magazine/new-baby-distant-husband

https://www.fatherly.com/love-money/feeling-neglected-in-relationship

https://gulfnews.com/parenting/mums-dads/8-ways-to-support-your-wife-after-shes-just-had-a-baby-1.1586433891792

https://www.whattoexpect.com/pregnancy/for-dad/life-after-childbirth.aspx#chores

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December 2nd, 2022