Let's talk about the story of Ken and Amanda. Ken and Amanda have been married for 5 years. During those five gruesome years, it seemed like they fought every day about something.
Ken and Amanda can't stand each other anymore so they separate. Now they've been separated for 3 months and have realized distance truly makes the heart grow fonder. They decided to give each other and their marriage a second chance.
So the question is how do they revive their marriage?
Separation isn't an easy time for both parties. It can take an emotional, physical and mental toll on the people involved.
But Most times it is the deciding factor for whether a marriage will end or be revived.
If just like Ken and Amanda, you and your partner are separated for whatever reason but want to get back together. Here are a few tips to help revive your marriage after separation.
Do not be in a hurry to move back in with your partner. Take your time to understand your emotions and your partner's emotions. Do not make hasty or impulsive decisions, because in most cases you are bound to regret them eventually.
It is key to keep in mind that reigniting the fire you both once had will take effort, patience, and time.
In the process of reviving what you and your partner once shared, you must accept your mistakes. Not only accepting but also learning from them.
Find the act, event or personality trait that caused a rift between you and your partner. Only then can both of you move forward. Uprooting the source of your problems is the first step towards reviving the marriage.
Sometimes the source of your problems can be pretty obvious. Like in the cases of infidelity, and addiction. Accepting and taking responsibility for your actions is the only way you and your partner can make progress.
It's one to accept responsibility and it's another thing to change for the better. Working towards reviving an already extinguished flame requires action.
There is no denying that it can be quite difficult to change a habit but remember you are doing it for the greater good.
One way to help yourself and your partner enact change is through marriage counseling or couples therapy. Sometimes involving a third party can help set you and your partner on the right track.
Always be ready to apologize and forgive. You and your partner must let go of past hurt and disappointment.
It is easy to become blind-sighted when in love or a relationship. You may not realize you are causing your partner discomfort or unhappiness by the actions you take. This is why it is important to communicate and discuss your expectations from each other.
Boundaries need to be set financially, sexually, and emotionally. When these boundaries are set, you and your partner must strive to adhere to them meticulously.
After staying apart from each other for some time, the romance that once existed would be barely there. This is why you must show your partner you still feel very strongly for them.
You can start with little displays of affection like buying flowers and gifts, going on dates, or spending quality time with each other.
Do not bring up the past during any of these dates or outings. It is also best to spend short periods together, as you are both still just getting back together.
It would take effort to bring back the love that existed. So you must care, love, and attend to your partner the way they would appreciate.
If you are giving your relationship another go, be ready to see it till the end. Make it a priority by always showing up and putting in the work and effort. Be dedicated, serious, and responsible.
Communication is key. This saying is extremely important for couples looking to reignite their love. Openly express your emotions. Be it love, fear, or worries. Say whatever you feel when you are feeling it.
This is one sure way of bringing back intimacy into a relationship. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Talk about everything, even the minute details you assume are irrelevant. It should feel like you are dating all over again.
Although rekindling a relationship is a serious thing. Ensure you have fun while doing it. Take time to spoil your partner, make them happy, smile and laugh.Be a source of joy in their lives. Have a little adventure together. This is a great way to establish a new bond.
Addressing what tore you apart may stir up some anger and resentment. It is important that during those times remain as respectful as possible so as not to hurt your partner's feelings. You may feel hurt and pained but address each issue respectfully.
Remember it's as hard on your partner as it is for you.
While reading a book, you cannot open a new chapter if you keep reading the previous one. The same thing goes for relationships: whatever steps you take, decisions you make should only be meant to take your relationship forward.
Leave past hurt, problems, and grievances behind, you won't need them where you are going.
Starting afresh with your partner after a separation is not a walk in the park. You must put in the effort, make the change and forgive the mistakes.
Focus on where you want your relationship to be and do everything you can to get there.
If you feel your relationship needs additional support, please don't hesitate to reach out to schedule an appointment with one of our licensed marriage/couples counselors.
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