The Stages of Forgiveness in Marriage

The Stages of Forgiveness in Marriage
Moving on after an argument or after talking about what your spouse did to you may be somewhat tricky if you are the type not to let go quickly. 

However, if you learn the stages of forgiveness in marriage, you will realize there is a simple path to moving on.

The initial step is to choose to forgive your partner

Generally, forgiveness comes as a choice rather than a feeling because it may not be easy for the mind to forget the pain subconsciously. T

Therefore, you should try to think about your partner and the issue and choose to forgive for peace to reign.

After making your choice, you should begin a conversation with them where you tell them how hurt you felt. 

The purpose of doing this is to elicit remorse from your partner. If they feel bad for what they did, that will help you get more inclined to forgive them.

If your partner feels remorseful, the next thing is to discuss how to make things better. 

Your partner may even suggest things to do before you think of them due to their remorse. 

However, it's essential to think of the way forward together, to ensure well-rounded change.

If you want to learn more about these stages of forgiveness in marriage, be sure to read on:

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Choosing to Forgive 

As with most emotional decisions, forgiveness begins with a proactive thought that directs the action. 

To start the path of forgiveness in marriage, you have to choose to forgive your partner for their transgression.

Bad things happen regularly, and our responses to the events determine our views in life.

If your partner does something small and wrong to you and you keep malice against them, you will be seen as aggressive because you didn't choose to forgive.

As hard as it may be to forgive, you should understand that choosing not to allow negative feelings to take a rein in your relationship is a top-tier mindset. 

You should focus on achieving a blissful marriage and understand that one way to reach this goal is to choose to forgive your partner.

You can try to talk to other people about your feelings, or journal your thoughts, to help you structure how to go about the decision to forgive your partner. 

Sharing the Pain 

Keeping the pain in without telling your partner may be a deliberate act by you to avoid being vulnerable to them. 

It may also be your subconscious defense mechanism to pain. 

Notwithstanding the reason for keeping it in, it's essential to share your pain if you want to continue with forgiveness in marriage.

When you want to tell your partner about your pain, it's essential that you begin with why the conversation is vital. 

Telling them that you want them to understand your pain and how to prevent a repeat is sure to get them to be invested in the conversation.

Then, move on to narrate the incident in which you got hurt. 

Take them through what happened, what they did, and the pivotal points where they hurt you. 

Recreating the scene from your perspective will help them understand the scenario better.

After narrating the incident, focus on the impact of their behavior on you. 

Talk about the betrayal or pain you felt. 

Be sure to include the ways you have handled getting past the pain, as this information adds to the credibility of the pain's existence. 

Planning to Change 

After sharing your pain with them, the next stage for forgiveness in marriage is to discuss change. 

Your partner's behavior that you don't like should be mentioned, and you should talk to them about how you would prefer them to act.

Talk to them about the preferred change, seeking their opinions.

Their opinions are important because the change will only be effective if it's something they can do easily and won't cause resentment.

Then list the goals you want to achieve. 

Having goals will enable both of you to look forward to something. 

The goals may include having an improved communication method or a stronger emotional connection.

After setting the goals, it's paramount that you create a roadmap of steps to reach the goals. 

The roadmap will consist of specific milestones to enable you to see that you are proceeding on the right path. 

Moving Past the Pain 

Once you have created the plan for change, you should now focus on moving past the hurt. 

As an essential stage of forgiveness in marriage, moving on includes forgetting the incident and fully activating your decision to forgive them.

You can try to let go of the pain by practicing mindfulness tactics. 

Rather than indulging yourself in a recreation of the painful scenes, you can focus on breathing exercises that will enable you to gain self-awareness and lose yourself in your body.

Similarly, you can try focusing on the positive parts of the relationship. 

Since your partner has promised to change, savor the change that has begun and watch them try to make things better.

Be sure to appreciate their efforts instead of thinking of the past.

You can also engage in some self-care to help you take your mind off your thoughts and focus on the fun you are getting. 

Self-care techniques like getting a massage, going to the cinema, or indulging in sports can help you lose track of the painful events. 

Giving Yourself Time to Heal 

The final step of forgiveness in marriage is giving yourself some time to heal from the debacle.

Healing will enable you to get back to being a usual partner in traditional happy marriage without fights and issues.

To give yourself healing time, you should accept all that has happened and take it in stride. 

Accept what they did, how you told them about it, their remorse, their apology, and their desire to change.

If you feel you can't do the healing yourself, you can seek help from friends, family, or professionals. 

Your loved ones can give you emotional support, while a professional counselor can help you look at the issue objectively and offer practical ways to get over it.

At the end of it all, be sure to gain something from the experience. 

You may better understand yourself or your partner's motives and behavior. 

Whatever you have gained, ensure that you put such knowledge to good use later. 


Forgiveness can be a tough nut to crack because of possible constant reminders of pain, but once you know the steps of forgiveness in marriage, you will be able to forgive your partner easily.

The steps to follow include choosing to forgive your partner, sharing the pain with them, planning to change, moving past the pain, and giving yourself time to heal.


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March 27th, 2023