The Stages of Forgiveness in Marriage

Letting go of hurt feelings in a marriage can be challenging, but understanding the steps to forgiveness in marriage can make the process clearer.Choosing...

Marriage
June 26, 2025

Letting go of hurt feelings in a marriage can be challenging, but understanding the steps to forgiveness in marriage can make the process clearer.

Choosing marriage forgiveness is a significant factor contributing to marital satisfaction, as true forgiveness is a conscious choice rather than an emotional response. Engaging in honest communication about hurt feelings is crucial, as it helps rebuild trust and fosters a healthy relationship.

Couples therapists at Overcomers Counseling can provide guidance on how to practice forgiveness and achieve an environment to help foster forgiveness that leads to a successful marriage. Our marriage intensive counseling in Colorado offers support for those looking to overcome negative emotions and withhold forgiveness.

Focusing on forgiveness can promote physical health and ensure long-term happiness for couples.

Choosing to Forgive

Forgiveness in marriage starts with a conscious decision to grant forgiveness. Choosing to forgive your spouse is a significant step in the reconciliation process.

  • Grant forgiveness to move past toxic hurt and unresolved bitterness.
  • Recognize the significant factors contributing to close relationships.
  • Avoid seeking revenge for negative feelings, as it hinders the reconciliation process.
  • Family therapy can aid in resolving conflicts and strengthening bonds.
  • Forgiveness means letting go of negative emotions for peace of mind.

Forgiving your spouse is one of the most significant factors in maintaining healthy and close relationships.

Sharing the Pain

Sharing your pain with your partner is crucial for finding forgiveness and healing. Keeping it inside can hinder the restoration process and delay building a stronger bond.

  • Understand that forgiveness is important for a healthy way forward.
  • Explain why the conversation is vital for feeling connected and making amends.
  • Narrate the incident clearly, highlighting the pivotal points.
  • Discuss the impact on you to foster compassion and understanding.
  • Mention the steps you've taken towards healing and building trust.

In the long haul, sharing and forgiving are essential steps for a lasting and compassionate relationship, as forgiveness takes time and effort.

Planning to Change

After sharing your pain with them, the next stage for forgiveness in marriage is to discuss change. Your partner's behavior that you don't like should be mentioned, and you should talk to them about how you would prefer them to act. Talk to them about the preferred change, seeking their opinions.

Their opinions are important because the change will only be effective if it's something they can do easily and won't cause resentment. Then list the goals you want to achieve. Having goals will enable both of you to look forward to something. The goals may include having an improved communication method or a stronger emotional connection.

After setting the goals, it's paramount that you create a roadmap of steps to reach the goals. The roadmap will consist of specific milestones to enable you to see that you are proceeding on the right path.

Woman looking at two different colored doors

Moving Past the Pain

Once you have created the plan for change, you should now focus on moving past the hurt. As an essential stage of forgiveness in marriage, moving on includes forgetting the incident and fully activating your decision to forgive them.

You can try to let go of the pain by practicing mindfulness tactics. Rather than indulging yourself in a recreation of the painful scenes, you can focus on breathing exercises that will enable you to gain self-awareness and lose yourself in your body.

Similarly, you can try focusing on the positive parts of the relationship. Since your partner has promised to change, savor the change that has begun and watch them try to make things better. Be sure to appreciate their efforts instead of thinking of the past.

You can also engage in some self-care to help you take your mind off your thoughts and focus on the fun you are getting. Self-care techniques like getting a massage, going to the cinema, or indulging in sports can help you lose track of the painful events.

Giving Yourself Time to Heal

The final step of forgiveness in marriage is giving yourself some time to heal from the debacle. Healing will enable you to get back to being a usual partner in a traditional happy marriage without fights and issues.

To give yourself healing time, you should accept all that has happened and take it in stride. Accept what they did, how you told them about it, their remorse, their apology, and their desire to change.

If you feel you can't do the healing yourself, you can seek help from friends, family, or professionals. Your loved ones can give you emotional support, while a professional counselor can help you look at the issue objectively and offer practical ways to get over it.

At the end of it all, be sure to gain something from the experience. You may better understand yourself or your partner's motives and behavior. Whatever you have gained, ensure that you put such knowledge to good use later.

Conclusion

Forgiveness can be a tough nut to crack because of possible constant reminders of pain, but once you know the steps of forgiveness in marriage, you will be able to forgive your partner easily. The steps to follow include choosing to forgive your partner, sharing the pain with them, planning to change, moving past the pain, and giving yourself time to heal.

Resources

https://tinybuddha.com/blog/choose-to-forgive-and-grow-from-your-pain-because-you-deserve-to-be-happy/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/wander-woman/202103/5-steps-telling-someone-they-hurt-or-disrespected-you?amp

https://www.business.qld.gov.au/running-business/employing/staff-development/managing-change/planning

https://www.imom.com/5-steps-to-forgiveness-in-marriage/

https://thedailymind.com/why-you-must-give-yourself-time-to-heal-and-how-to-do-it/

Author
Jennifer Luttman, LPC, ACS

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, and owner of Overcomers Counseling. I'm dedicated to helping individuals find strength and healing through life’s challenges. With a deep understanding of mental health and years of professional experience, I specialize in fostering hope and resilience while equipping her clients with tools to thrive. Passionate about empowering others, she creates a safe, supportive space where everyone feels seen, valued, and capable of overcoming obstacles on their path to well-being.

Common Questions about Marriage

How do I make my spouse feel special over text?

Here are some ideas:

  • Send a sweet and heartfelt message in the middle of the day
  • Tell them how much you love and appreciate them
  • Send a cute photo with a loving message attached
  • Plan a surprise for later in the day or week
  • What are some thoughtful things to do for your spouse?

Some thoughtful things you can do for your spouse are:

  • Write them a heartfelt letter expressing your love and appreciation for them
  • Make them breakfast in bed
  • Plan a surprise weekend getaway
  • Do something that they've been wanting to do but haven't had the time for
  • What are some romantic things to do for your spouse?

How Do I Know if My Husband is Codependent?

There are many different signs of codependency, but some common ones include: feeling responsible for your partner's happiness or well-being, enabling your partner's bad behavior, feeling like you can't function without your partner, and being overly dependent on your partner.

How can we keep things fun and spontaneous in our marriage?

Be open to trying new things and be spontaneous in your everyday life. Plan dates or activities that are out of the norm, even if they are simple. Keep things light and don't be afraid to be silly or playful.

Should we do anything between sessions?

It can be beneficial to reflect on what was discussed during sessions and try to implement any strategies or actions suggested by your therapist.

What should I do if I'm in an emotionally unhealthy relationship?

If you're in an emotionally unhealthy relationship, the best thing that you can do is seek professional help. A trained therapist can help you to identify the unhealthy patterns in your relationship and work with you to develop healthier ways of interacting with each other.

What if my spouse refuses to get help?

If your spouse is resistant to treatment, you might need to get help from a professional. An interventionist can work with you and your family to plan a confrontation that will encourage your spouse to seek help.