The Stages of Forgiveness in Marriage

Letting go of hurt feelings in a marriage can be challenging, but understanding the steps to forgiveness in marriage can make the process clearer.Choosing...

Marriage
June 26, 2025

Letting go of hurt feelings in a marriage can be challenging, but understanding the steps to forgiveness in marriage can make the process clearer.

Choosing marriage forgiveness is a significant factor contributing to marital satisfaction, as true forgiveness is a conscious choice rather than an emotional response. Engaging in honest communication about hurt feelings is crucial, as it helps rebuild trust and fosters a healthy relationship.

Couples therapists at Overcomers Counseling can provide guidance on how to practice forgiveness and achieve an environment to help foster forgiveness that leads to a successful marriage. Our marriage intensive counseling in Colorado offers support for those looking to overcome negative emotions and withhold forgiveness.

Focusing on forgiveness can promote physical health and ensure long-term happiness for couples.

Choosing to Forgive

Forgiveness in marriage starts with a conscious decision to grant forgiveness. Choosing to forgive your spouse is a significant step in the reconciliation process.

  • Grant forgiveness to move past toxic hurt and unresolved bitterness.
  • Recognize the significant factors contributing to close relationships.
  • Avoid seeking revenge for negative feelings, as it hinders the reconciliation process.
  • Family therapy can aid in resolving conflicts and strengthening bonds.
  • Forgiveness means letting go of negative emotions for peace of mind.

Forgiving your spouse is one of the most significant factors in maintaining healthy and close relationships.

Sharing the Pain

Sharing your pain with your partner is crucial for finding forgiveness and healing. Keeping it inside can hinder the restoration process and delay building a stronger bond.

  • Understand that forgiveness is important for a healthy way forward.
  • Explain why the conversation is vital for feeling connected and making amends.
  • Narrate the incident clearly, highlighting the pivotal points.
  • Discuss the impact on you to foster compassion and understanding.
  • Mention the steps you've taken towards healing and building trust.

In the long haul, sharing and forgiving are essential steps for a lasting and compassionate relationship, as forgiveness takes time and effort.

Planning to Change

After sharing your pain with them, the next stage for forgiveness in marriage is to discuss change. Your partner's behavior that you don't like should be mentioned, and you should talk to them about how you would prefer them to act. Talk to them about the preferred change, seeking their opinions.

Their opinions are important because the change will only be effective if it's something they can do easily and won't cause resentment. Then list the goals you want to achieve. Having goals will enable both of you to look forward to something. The goals may include having an improved communication method or a stronger emotional connection.

After setting the goals, it's paramount that you create a roadmap of steps to reach the goals. The roadmap will consist of specific milestones to enable you to see that you are proceeding on the right path.

Woman looking at two different colored doors

Moving Past the Pain

Once you have created the plan for change, you should now focus on moving past the hurt. As an essential stage of forgiveness in marriage, moving on includes forgetting the incident and fully activating your decision to forgive them.

You can try to let go of the pain by practicing mindfulness tactics. Rather than indulging yourself in a recreation of the painful scenes, you can focus on breathing exercises that will enable you to gain self-awareness and lose yourself in your body.

Similarly, you can try focusing on the positive parts of the relationship. Since your partner has promised to change, savor the change that has begun and watch them try to make things better. Be sure to appreciate their efforts instead of thinking of the past.

You can also engage in some self-care to help you take your mind off your thoughts and focus on the fun you are getting. Self-care techniques like getting a massage, going to the cinema, or indulging in sports can help you lose track of the painful events.

Giving Yourself Time to Heal

The final step of forgiveness in marriage is giving yourself some time to heal from the debacle. Healing will enable you to get back to being a usual partner in a traditional happy marriage without fights and issues.

To give yourself healing time, you should accept all that has happened and take it in stride. Accept what they did, how you told them about it, their remorse, their apology, and their desire to change.

If you feel you can't do the healing yourself, you can seek help from friends, family, or professionals. Your loved ones can give you emotional support, while a professional counselor can help you look at the issue objectively and offer practical ways to get over it.

At the end of it all, be sure to gain something from the experience. You may better understand yourself or your partner's motives and behavior. Whatever you have gained, ensure that you put such knowledge to good use later.

Conclusion

Forgiveness can be a tough nut to crack because of possible constant reminders of pain, but once you know the steps of forgiveness in marriage, you will be able to forgive your partner easily. The steps to follow include choosing to forgive your partner, sharing the pain with them, planning to change, moving past the pain, and giving yourself time to heal.

Resources

https://tinybuddha.com/blog/choose-to-forgive-and-grow-from-your-pain-because-you-deserve-to-be-happy/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/wander-woman/202103/5-steps-telling-someone-they-hurt-or-disrespected-you?amp

https://www.business.qld.gov.au/running-business/employing/staff-development/managing-change/planning

https://www.imom.com/5-steps-to-forgiveness-in-marriage/

https://thedailymind.com/why-you-must-give-yourself-time-to-heal-and-how-to-do-it/

Author

Jennifer Luttman, LPC, ACS

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, and owner of Overcomers Counseling. I'm dedicated to helping individuals find strength and healing through life’s challenges. With a deep understanding of mental health and years of professional experience, I specialize in fostering hope and resilience while equipping her clients with tools to thrive. Passionate about empowering others, she creates a safe, supportive space where everyone feels seen, valued, and capable of overcoming obstacles on their path to well-being.

Common Questions

Questions about Marriage

Are there any limitations or restrictions on Tricare's coverage for marriage counseling?

Yes, Tricare only covers marriage counseling when diagnosed with mental health conditions. Marriage counseling services sought for general relationship issues not tied to a recognized mental health disorder will not be covered.

How does EFT couples therapy address negative emotions and interactions?

EFT helps couples identify and de-escalate negative emotions and interactions, replacing them with positive cycles of communication and support. This process fosters a deeper understanding and emotional responsiveness between partners.

Can EFT help with long-standing relationship issues?

Yes, EFT is effective in addressing long-standing relationship issues by focusing on the underlying emotional and attachment needs. It helps partners break free from negative cycles and build a more secure and satisfying relationship.

How long does it take to overcome overthinking in relationships?

The time it takes to overcome overthinking will vary depending on each individual's situation. Some people may see improvement after just a few sessions with a therapist, while others may need more time to work through underlying issues that contribute to their overthinking patterns. The important thing is to be patient with yourself and stay committed to taking steps toward overcoming overthinking in your relationship.

When should I consider going to therapy?

If you're struggling with abandonment issues, it may be helpful to seek professional support. Consider consulting a mental health professional if your feelings of fear or insecurity are impacting your relationships or daily functioning. No matter what, it's important to remember that seeking help is a sign of strength. Taking this step can be an important part of overcoming abandonment issues and improving overall well-being.

What should I do if my child continues to give up easily?

If your child continues to struggle with persistence, try to understand the root cause of their resistance.

This could be a lack of self-confidence, fear of failure, or other underlying issues. Provide support, consult with a teacher or counselor, and consider engaging in activities that promote persistence.

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