Signs You are Not Putting Effort Into Your Marriage

Signs You are Not Putting Effort Into Your Marriage
At the beginning of a marriage, there's an automatic display of bliss and relentless efforts from both parties to express love to each other.

However, as you spend more time together, there may be a reduction in how intensely you are putting effort into your marriage.

Despite this being an observable fact in many marriages, it should not be the case because to make a marriage stay in perpetual bliss; you have to constantly make efforts to gladden your partner and improve the emotional and romantic connection between you.

Understandably, you may not notice that you are not putting effort into your marriage because you are overwhelmed by life's issues.

But if you begin to take note of events consciously, you may see signs that indicate that you have not been putting much effort.

A prominent sign of you not putting effort is when you notice that being vulnerable with your partner is now demanding.

If you find it hard to tell them you are sorry or you love them, that's a sign that you are not trying to consider their feelings anymore.

You can consider these signs that show you are not putting effort into your marriage:

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Being Vulnerable is Difficult for You

Maintaining a solid emotional bond in your marriage is vital for achieving a blissful union, and to get that strong bond, there has to be some form of vulnerability you show your partner that will indicate that you are true to your intentions about loving them.

Saying "sorry" or "I love you" are two ways of being vulnerable to your partner because one of them means that you are submitting to guilt and picking the relationship over your feelings, while the other means that you are expressing what you feel about them without the fear of what they would say in return.

When you notice that you are finding it difficult to say these words to them, it may mean that you are no more putting effort into your relationship. 

This is because taking the blame for situations and expressing how you feel is emotionally taxing, and they require mental effort before you can utter them.

Once you notice that you are exhibiting this sign, try to think about how vulnerability can help your marriage become better. 

Consider that vulnerability can help you build trust in your relationship because it will show your partner that you are putting some effort into making them know you more intimately.

You No Longer Spend Time Together 

Spending quality time with your partner can help you ward off accumulating stress from work and home. 

It can also benefit your relationship by helping you deepen your bond and create avenues to know each other more.

You can spend quality time together by doing food exploration across various restaurants, visiting a local museum, going to a concert of your favorite musician, taking an evening walk, going to the cinema, or playing board games at home.

If you realize that you have not been spending much time together due to you always avoiding the moments or never initiating them, it may indicate a noncommittal response to your marriage. 
It will also show your partner that you are not putting effort into your marriage.

As a reasonable adult, it's expected that you should try to rectify issues you caused immediately you discover you are the cause.

Therefore, you should apologize to your partner profusely so they may forgive you and give you another chance to show your efforts.

You are Not Interested in Knowing More 

The older we get, the more layers of ourselves we discover.

Since this happens to everyone, it means that the more time you spend with your partner, the more things you will have to learn about them. 

However, if you have reached a point where you no longer wish to know more about them, that may be a sign that you are no longer putting effort into your marriage.

Reducing communication between you is a sign that you no longer wish to know more about them.

For instance, if you were a frequent texter but you now only text when you need them to do something and not when you want to know what they are doing, you are likely no more putting effort into your marriage.

Similarly, if you used to talk to them for hours physically or over the phone about their day and goals, and you now opt for shorter conversations between both of you, that's a strong indication that you are not interested in knowing more about them.

Since constantly updating your knowledge about your partner will help you know the best ways to make them happy, you should consider getting back to the periods you used to be crazy about them.

Ensure you start engaging in lengthy conversations with them once again.

The Thought of Being Intentional Stresses You 

In certain loving moments, you may realize that you are not putting effort into your marriage, and you need to.

However, instead of planning how to make efforts, you will give excuses about how your work and home responsibilities are preventing you from making efforts to make your marriage better.

When you create such excuses for yourself, that's a sign of you not wanting to put effort. 

If you are conscious about not making efforts in your relationship, you will apologize to your partner and promise to do better rather than give excuses.

When you promise your partner to make efforts, it's essential that you start to think of ways to make them happy in the marriage. 

Consider cooking or ordering their favorite meals occasionally, getting them flowers, or buying accessories they would love.

Once you make a conscious decision to make efforts to improve your marriage, it will become easy for you to regularly make your partner happy and strengthen the emotional bond between you.

Your Partner Wants to Leave 

A prime indicator of you not putting effort into your marriage is your partner seeking a divorce. 

Generally, a partner seeking a divorce will say why and if your partner tells you it's because you are not making efforts to improve the relationship, it's likely the truth.

Usually, a partner will stay through many ups and downs before embarking on a divorce journey because it's not easy to move on after a divorce or let a companion go. 

Therefore, if your partner is leaving you because you are not making an effort, they likely got tired of begging for your attention.

It's possible that you took the relationship for granted, feeling safe that your partner will always stay with you.

It's also possible that you have different expectations for how to give and receive attention.

Whatever behavior may have caused you to put little effort into your relationship, it will only matter if you can convince your partner that you will change the behavior so they can forget the divorce papers and move on with you in the relationship.


It's essential that you know that a successful marriage is the contribution of the partners' efforts. 

If you notice that you are finding it challenging to be vulnerable to your partner, no longer spending time together, no longer interested in learning more about them, finding it stressful to make efforts, and finding out that your partner wants to leave, then it's very likely that you have not been putting effort into your marriage.


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March 30th, 2023