How to Share Household Chores Fairly in Marriage

How to Share Household Chores Fairly in Marriage
Household chores are one of those things almost no one enjoys.

In most marriages, there is usually a feeling that one spouse does an unfair amount of chores. 

All you need to address this feeling are ways to share household chores fairly in marriage.

To share household chores fairly in marriage, you can start by listing all the household chores in marriage. 

This will allow you and your partner to determine the chores to be subsequently divided. 

It will also reveal the number of household chores a spouse performs.

Remember to take your personal preferences into cognizance.

Some people are hesitant about certain chores and might even enjoy certain chores.

In this scenario, you will have better luck with how to share household chores fairly in marriage.

Our expectations generally get the best of us as humans. 

Ambiguity as to the details will only lead to an unfair division of household chores. 

You could share household chores fairly in marriage when you set certain expectations.

You can consider these methods to share household chores fairly in marriage:

Marriages & Couples Therapists in Colorado

Hailey Gloden, MA, LPC, NCC

Hailey Gloden, MA, LPC, NCC

Colorado Springs, Colorado
(719) 602-1342
Jessica Gutierrez-Gaytan, SWC

Jessica Gutierrez-Gaytan, SWC

(719) 345-2424
Margot Bean, LCSW

Margot Bean, LCSW

Colorado Springs, Colorado
(719) 345-2424
Heather Comensky, LPC

Heather Comensky, LPC

Aurora, Colorado
(720) 449-4121
Jennifer Luttman, LPC, ACS

Jennifer Luttman, LPC, ACS

(719) 345-2424
Olivia Woodring, LPCC, NCC

Olivia Woodring, LPCC, NCC

(719) 345-2424
Kevin Kessell, SWC

Kevin Kessell, SWC

Colorado Springs, Colorado
(719) 602-1342
Katie (Kate) Castillo, MS, LPCC

Katie (Kate) Castillo, MS, LPCC

Colorado Springs, Colorado
(719) 345-2424
Randal Thomas, SWC

Randal Thomas, SWC

Colorado Springs, Colorado
(719) 602-1342
Melanie Klinke, MA, MFTC, LPCC

Melanie Klinke, MA, MFTC, LPCC

(719) 345-2424

Draw Up a List of Chores

A significant first step to sharing household chores fairly in marriage is drawing up a list of household chores. 

Even though it may seem daunting writing the list, it would be worth it. 

This list of household chores will identify each chore that would be fairly assigned to the spouse.

If it seems complex to note down all the household chores, consider taking a week to note down each chore you do.

Since most people have similar chores, an internet search for a list of chores will also help list all household chores. 

Do not be ashamed to add a new chore to the list.

Some people call their chore list- the chore audit. 

Each spouse can also note the frequency and the difficulty with every chore they have. 

Couples often overestimate the number of chores they do; a list of chores will reveal the actual work done.

If you or your partner feel like they do the bulk of the household chores in marriage, it might lead to conflict and resentment in the marriage.

A comprehensive list of chores could allow you and your partner to agree on splitting the household chores.

Have Honest Conversations 

Chores are generally one of the heated topics between a couple.

It is understandable to feel you are persecuted by your partner. 

However, to resolve this issue and share household chores fairly in marriage, you need to have honest conversations with your partner.

Let's acknowledge that it is understandable to be agitated if you feel your partner isn't doing enough or doesn't give you credit for your work.
However, to ensure a fair distribution of the household chores, it is necessary to have a calm and honest conversation about it.

Communicate to your partner about how the imbalance of chores makes you feel. 

Make suggestions about what you think would be fairer.

Try to avoid shouting or yelling.

Be honest and acknowledge the chores you do and what your partner does.

Directly ask for your partner to pick up more chores.

Sometimes, your partner might assume you don't need help.

Clarify Expectations 

There are multiple ways to do laundry or vacuum the house. 

We all had different standards in our childhood homes with chores.
To share household chores fairly in marriage, you'll want to clarify the expectations attached to each chore.

'How often should your partner mow the lawn?' is a question that your partner should already know what your answer is.

If you don't set certain expectations for each chore, then your partner might feel cheated to do certain chores. 

Lack of expectations could cause a strain on the marriage.

Setting certain expectations can also help you.

It could save you from thoughts that your partner did not do a chore well.

A clear understanding of a chore will save both parties from misunderstandings.

These expectations may allow you and your partners to pick chores that suit you.

Be willing to share your expectation on the chores selected. 

Clarity on your expectations will help prevent tension and conflict.

Consider External Engagements 

Fairness in splitting household chores will mean different things in different marriages. 

Most marriages have partners engaged in different activities and jobs. 

To share household chores fairly in marriage, consider your and your partner's other engagements.

When you have identified the household chores, the question of what is a fair share of the chores arises. 

For instance, if one spouse has a more demanding job or has performed other responsibilities. 

Well, there is no exact answer to this question.

Often, the partner will the less demanding career will take on more household chores. 

There might also be taking periodic turns on chores depending on the schedules. 

The important thing in this instance is an agreement between spouses on what is fair.

A 50/50 distribution of household chores is not the correct determinant of fairness.

In marriage, the right balance is always left between spouses. 

Simply be considerate of your partner's external circumstances.

Recognize Your Preferred Choices 

We all have household chores we despise and chores we enjoy.

Take cognizance of the choices. 

A clever method to share household chores fairly in marriage is to recognize your preferred chores.

It is easier for you and your partner to do an enjoyable chore.

If you enjoy cooking, it might be best to have that chore assigned to you. 

The important thing is to play to the strengths of the couple.

Where your partner clearly despises a chore, you might take that upon yourself. 

The reverse should happen with your partner.

If you can convince yourselves that chores aren't chores, it is much easier to accomplish.

Also, be willing to outsource household chores that are too stressful for the couple. 

Forcing your partner to do a chore will likely lead to resentment.

Sometimes, it is worth the extra bucks spent having someone else do a chore.


Fairly sharing the household chores in marriage is likely to keep everyone happy.

Household chores can be a source of conflict, especially when a spouse feels unaided in chores.

This is why it is important to share household chores fairly in marriage.

You can share household chores by drawing up a list of chores, having an honest conversation with your partner, clarifying expectations, considering external engagements, and recognizing your preferred chores.


Stay Informed

When you subscribe to the blog, we will send you an e-mail when there are new updates on the site so you wouldn't miss them.

Related Posts



No comments made yet. Be the first to submit a comment
Already Registered? Login Here
June 17th, 2024

overcomers counseling logo

Explore local counseling and psychiatry services to find the tailored support you require. Embark on a journey towards resilience and become an Overcomer with the right professional assistance by your side!

Contact Us

5585 Erindale Dr. Ste 204
Colorado Springs, CO 80918 mailing
(719) 345-2424 office
(719) 888-5022 text
(855) 719-2549 fax

Business Hours (Provider's hours may vary)

 Sunday   Closed
 Monday   8:00am - 5:00pm
 Tuesday   8:00am - 5:00pm
 Wednesday    8:00am - 5:00pm
 Thursday   8:00am - 5:00pm
 Friday   8:00am - 5:00pm
 Saturday  Closed