How to Share Household Chores Fairly in Marriage

Household chores are one of those things almost no one enjoys...

Marriage
March 21, 2025

Household chores are one of those things almost no one enjoys.In most marriages, there is usually a feeling that one spouse does an unfair amount of chores. All you need to address this feeling are ways to share household chores fairly in marriage.To share household chores fairly in marriage, you can start by listing all the household chores in marriage. This will allow you and your partner to determine the chores to be subsequently divided. It will also reveal the number of household chores a spouse performs.Remember to take your personal preferences into cognizance.Some people are hesitant about certain chores and might even enjoy certain chores.In this scenario, you will have better luck with how to share household chores fairly in marriage.Our expectations generally get the best of us as humans. Ambiguity as to the details will only lead to an unfair division of household chores. You could share household chores fairly in marriage when you set certain expectations.You can consider these methods to share household chores fairly in marriage:

Draw Up a List of Chores

A significant first step to sharing household chores fairly in marriage is drawing up a list of household chores. Even though it may seem daunting writing the list, it would be worth it. This list of household chores will identify each chore that would be fairly assigned to the spouse.If it seems complex to note down all the household chores, consider taking a week to note down each chore you do. Since most people have similar chores, an internet search for a list of chores will also help list all household chores. Do not be ashamed to add a new chore to the list.Some people call their chore list- the chore audit. Each spouse can also note the frequency and the difficulty with every chore they have. Couples often overestimate the number of chores they do; a list of chores will reveal the actual work done.If you or your partner feel like they do the bulk of the household chores in marriage, it might lead to conflict and resentment in the marriage.A comprehensive list of chores could allow you and your partner to agree on splitting the household chores.

Have Honest Conversations

Chores are generally one of the heated topics between a couple.It is understandable to feel you are persecuted by your partner. However, to resolve this issue and share household chores fairly in marriage, you need to have honest conversations with your partner.Let's acknowledge that it is understandable to be agitated if you feel your partner isn't doing enough or doesn't give you credit for your work.However, to ensure a fair distribution of the household chores, it is necessary to have a calm and honest conversation about it.Communicate to your partner about how the imbalance of chores makes you feel. Make suggestions about what you think would be fairer.Try to avoid shouting or yelling.Be honest and acknowledge the chores you do and what your partner does. Directly ask for your partner to pick up more chores.Sometimes, your partner might assume you don't need help.

Clarify Expectations

There are multiple ways to do laundry or vacuum the house. We all had different standards in our childhood homes with chores.To share household chores fairly in marriage, you'll want to clarify the expectations attached to each chore.'How often should your partner mow the lawn?' is a question that your partner should already know what your answer is. If you don't set certain expectations for each chore, then your partner might feel cheated to do certain chores. Lack of expectations could cause a strain on the marriage.Setting certain expectations can also help you. It could save you from thoughts that your partner did not do a chore well.A clear understanding of a chore will save both parties from misunderstandings.These expectations may allow you and your partners to pick chores that suit you.Be willing to share your expectation on the chores selected. Clarity on your expectations will help prevent tension and conflict.

A man with sticky notes all over him.

Consider External Engagements

Fairness in splitting household chores will mean different things in different marriages. Most marriages have partners engaged in different activities and jobs. To share household chores fairly in marriage, consider your and your partner's other engagements.When you have identified the household chores, the question of what is a fair share of the chores arises. For instance, if one spouse has a more demanding job or has performed other responsibilities. Well, there is no exact answer to this question.Often, the partner will the less demanding career will take on more household chores. There might also be taking periodic turns on chores depending on the schedules. The important thing in this instance is an agreement between spouses on what is fair.A 50/50 distribution of household chores is not the correct determinant of fairness.In marriage, the right balance is always left between spouses. Simply be considerate of your partner's external circumstances.

Recognize Your Preferred Choices

We all have household chores we despise and chores we enjoy.Take cognizance of the choices. A clever method to share household chores fairly in marriage is to recognize your preferred chores.It is easier for you and your partner to do an enjoyable chore.If you enjoy cooking, it might be best to have that chore assigned to you. The important thing is to play to the strengths of the couple.Where your partner clearly despises a chore, you might take that upon yourself. The reverse should happen with your partner.If you can convince yourselves that chores aren't chores, it is much easier to accomplish.Also, be willing to outsource household chores that are too stressful for the couple. Forcing your partner to do a chore will likely lead to resentment.Sometimes, it is worth the extra bucks spent having someone else do a chore.

Conclusion

Fairly sharing the household chores in marriage is likely to keep everyone happy.Household chores can be a source of conflict, especially when a spouse feels unaided in chores.This is why it is important to share household chores fairly in marriage.

You can share household chores by drawing up a list of chores, having an honest conversation with your partner, clarifying expectations, considering external engagements, and recognizing your preferred chores.

Resources

https://www.marriage.com/advice/family/how-to-divide-household-chores-fairly/https://theeverygirl.com/split-chores-with-your-partner/https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-ideas/how-to-give-partner-constructive-criticismhttps://www.goodhousekeeping.com/uk/lifestyle/a32333390/housework-division-expert-advice/https://www.godfreys.com.au/blog/how-to-split-the-household-chores-fairly-with-your-spouse/

Author
Jennifer Luttman, LPC, ACS

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, and owner of Overcomers Counseling. I'm dedicated to helping individuals find strength and healing through life’s challenges. With a deep understanding of mental health and years of professional experience, I specialize in fostering hope and resilience while equipping her clients with tools to thrive. Passionate about empowering others, she creates a safe, supportive space where everyone feels seen, valued, and capable of overcoming obstacles on their path to well-being.

Common Questions about Marriage

How does interdependence differ from co-dependence?

Interdependence involves a balanced give-and-take dynamic where both partners benefit and grow. In contrast, co-dependence features an imbalanced relationship dynamic, where one partner's needs and behaviors excessively dictate the other's actions, often leading to unhealthy dependency.

My spouse and I are having serious marriage problems. What should we do?

If you are having serious marriage problems, you may want to seek professional help. This can be in the form of marriage counseling or therapy. Therapy can also be helpful for couples dealing with marriage problems. This type of therapy is often called couple's therapy.

Is it possible to overcome abandonment issues completely?

While complete recovery from abandonment issues may not be possible for everyone, it is possible to manage symptoms effectively with the help of professional support, self-care practices, and ongoing personal development. With time and effort, it is possible to build healthier relationships and increase overall well-being.

Should we tell our friends and family we're going to counseling?

This is a personal decision that each couple will need to make for themselves. Some couples feel more comfortable sharing this information with their close friends and family, while others prefer to keep it to themselves. Ultimately, the decision is up to you.

Can interdependent relationships face challenges?

Yes, like any relationship, interdependent ones can face challenges such as power imbalances, external pressures, and conflicts. Addressing these challenges requires open communication, empathy, willingness to compromise, and sometimes seeking external guidance to navigate through difficulties.

Is everything we discuss in therapy confidential?

Yes, therapists are bound by confidentiality rules, and anything you discuss in therapy is kept private, with a few exceptions related to safety and legal issues.