Periods of detachment and discontent may occur in marriage, but how do you overcome these rough patches in your marriage?

In these rough periods, you may not feel connected and in love with your partner.

You may also begin to envision a divorce and fantasize about a new life with someone else or as a single person.

You may believe you are alone in the overwhelming negative emotions you have to battle, but this happens to many couples.

Usually, couples experience rough periods, overcome them, and become better partners.

It may sound imaginary, but the challenging period can end, and the good times can commence once more. 

You only have to commit to changing the situation, plan the steps, and execute your plan diligently.

You can consider these methods to overcome the rough periods.

State Your Needs Gently

It’s essential that you talk to your partner about your unmet needs to initiate a discussion about the rough patches in your marriage and create awareness of how to overcome them.

When trying to state your needs, let them know you desire to speak to them about something and ask for an appropriate time they would be willing to converse.

Upon selecting a good time, begin by complimenting them and praising something good they have done for you to show that you identify the positives they contribute to the marriage.

Then state how you feel and why you feel that way; for example, it may be caused by a lack of intimacy, absence of adventure, inability to share responsibilities at home equally, or lack of communication. 

From that point, clarify how vital the need is to you, explain how you would prefer it done, thank them for listening to you, and ask them if there’s any opinion they have regarding your conversation.

Get the Marriage Back on Track

Rough patches in marriage can stem from a lack of continuity in the beautiful acts of love from both of you, which may be caused by mentally relaxing after tying the knots or getting burdened by work and family responsibilities.

You can get your marriage back on track by validating both perspectives and understanding that you both have various pursuits that may have been keeping you both apart, preventing a balance with family time, friends, and work.

By validating the perspectives, you can link the consequences of pursuing different interests to your marital bond and focus on how you have been discontent with the other’s interests that don’t allow for time together.

After identifying the demerits of not spending time together, you may shift to what may be done to create more time together for both of you, such as going out to the same place or picking the time to get into bed together.

Ensuring the compromises are beneficial to both of you is crucial, so your suggested line of action mustn’t benefit only you because this may lead to your partner feeling discontent and reverting to old ways.

Identify Your Faults 

Generally, we are slow to take an introspective look and will rather blame another person for arising issues despite the big chance that looking inwards may solve the problems. 

You may be hot-headed and mean to your partner, causing the rough patches in your marriage while maintaining they are the one at fault instead of enrolling in anger management classes to help alleviate your combative nature.

Similarly, you may believe you are superior to your partner, enabling you to develop contempt for them and ridicule them when you are around other people or alone, acts that can make your partner lose touch with you.

If you occasionally fail to take responsibility for your acts, you may find that your partner has become uninterested in talking about their expectations for fear of you not fulfilling them. 

If constantly complaining about their behavior may not change anything in your marriage, it may be time for you to become self-aware and discover your faults that may have been causing the unpleasantness.

Remember the Positive Moments

Recalling the beautiful moments may help you smoothen the rough patches in your marriage by igniting the feelings you had when creating the memories with your partner.

You can spend some time searching your memories for the moment you fell in love with your partner and the accompanying emotions that came at that moment to actively begin your reminisce into the past.

From that integral memory, trace your other positive events that contained exciting emotions, such as your dates, roller-coaster rides, food adventures, sports events, and foreign vacations.

Share the reminisce period with your partner, inviting them to check your old photos and videos with you, think about your decisions about kids' names and home location, and remember private jokes from family vacations.

The happy memories can help you weather the rough storms, create rekindling moments, relieve accumulated stress, see your lives' big pictures and accomplishments, and kick-start your desire to make more memories.

Have Fun Together 

Having fun together can create shared positive emotions that add a new layer of positivity to your relationship, creating an opportunity to clear the rough patches in your marriage.

Playing is not only for the kids; you can also imbibe the playful nature of children and create playtime with your spouse, having fun through charades, bowling, mini-golf, board games, or multiplayer video games.

Another form of having fun is laughing together because humor is a vital part of a healthy marriage, and you can accomplish it by watching funny movies and comedy shows, attending comedy events, or playing pranks on each other.

Similarly, you can bond through physical intimacy and affectionate touch by tousling your partner’s hair playfully, holding holds during walks, making conscious efforts to rub your partner’s shoulders, and giving hugs.

You can even enjoy a fun time together by planning meals you both like, experimenting with new recipes, cooking together, and eating meals together with great attention to the exquisite tastes and aromatic scents.

Conclusion

When rough periods happen in marriages, it’s understandable to feel sad, disconnected, and unsure of the possible steps to get out of the challenging moments.

Regardless of how bad the situation is, you can overcome rough patches in your marriage by stating your unfulfilled expectations gently, getting the marriage back on its previous track, identifying your faults, remembering the joyous times, and having fun with your partner.

Ensure you undergo these recovery methods with your partner because a joint effort is more productive than a solo effort. 

Resources 

https://www.womansday.com/relationships/dating-marriage/advice/a5529/10-ways-to-get-your-marriage-back-on-track-116392/

https://www.mudcoaching.com/blog/2021/5/11/how-to-talk-to-your-partner-about-your-unmet-needs

https://www.today.com/health/8-signs-you-re-problem-relationship-t116533

https://connectedmarriage.org/5-ways-to-validate-couples-and-reframe-a-conversation/

https://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/relationships/how-to-keep-having-fun-together-in-marriage.html

https://www.gottman.com/blog/are-rough-patches-in-relationships-normal/