How to Overcome Resentment in Marriage

Resentment is a natural reaction to a perceived injustice. It can be fueled by things like an affair, one spouse feeling ignored or unappreciated, or the...

Marriage
June 26, 2025

Resentment is a natural reaction to a perceived injustice.

It can be fueled by things like an affair, one spouse feeling ignored or unappreciated, or the lack of intimacy in the marriage.

Resentment doesn't just hurt your relationship; it also hurts you.

Resentment leads to anger and bitterness which are both toxic emotions that can damage your physical and mental health.

If you're struggling with resentment, there are steps you can take to overcome it.

Identify the Source of Your Resentment

To overcome resentment, you first need to identify what is causing it.

Once you know what the issue is, you can start to address it.

Some common sources of resentment are an affair, feeling unappreciated, or feeling like your needs aren't being met in the marriage.

Talk to your spouse about your feelings.

It's important to communicate with your spouse about how you're feeling. If you're feeling resentful, tell them why.

This will help to start a dialogue about the issue and potentially help to resolve it.

This is the first step in learning how to overcome resentment in a marriage.

a married couple hugging each other

Take Steps to Fix the Problem That Caused the Resentment

Once you've identified the source of your resentment, you can start to take steps to fix it.

For example, if you're resentful because your needs aren't being met in the marriage, talk to your spouse about what you need and work together to find a solution.

Some common needs that are needed are more affection, quality time, and communication.

If you're resentful because of an affair, you'll need to work on rebuilding trust.

This will require time, patience, and effort.

Therapy or working with a professional marriage counselor might be a solution if the resentment is severe.

This is an important step to consider when learning how to overcome resentment in a marriage.

Resolve Any Issues With Yourself Before Addressing Them in Your Relationship

If you're carrying any resentment from your past, it's important to deal with that before trying to fix the issue in your marriage.

A list of things that you might be carrying could be unforgiveness, trust issues, or anger.

If you're holding onto any of these things, it will be difficult to work through the resentment in your marriage.

You might need to seek professional help to deal with these issues.

Resentment can be a result of unresolved anger from your childhood or previous relationships.

If this is the case, therapy might be a good option to help you work through those issues.

Put Things Into Perspective - Remember That Noone is Perfect and That Everyone Makes Mistakes

It's important to remember that everyone makes mistakes and that no one is perfect. This includes you and your spouse.

Some ways to put things into perspective are to think about the good times you've had together, focus on the present, and look toward the future.

If you're feeling resentful, try to put things into perspective.

What may seem like a big deal to you might not be as big of a deal to your spouse.

And vice versa - what may seem like a small thing to you might be a big deal to your spouse.

Try to see things from their perspective.

This is an important step when learning how to overcome resentment in a marriage.

two hands reaching for the other

Communicate With Your Spouse - Let Them Know How You're Feeling and What They Can do to Help

If you're feeling resentful, communicate with your spouse about how you're feeling.

Let them know what they can do to help.

This might be something like giving you more attention or taking on more responsibilities around the house.

Don't expect them to read your mind - tell them explicitly what you need from them.

It's important to remember that your spouse is not a mind reader, and they can't help fix the problem if they don't know what it is.

Instead of bottling up your emotions, try to sit down and have a calm conversation with your partner.

Explain how you're feeling and what they can do to help make the situation better.

With open communication, you can start to address the underlying issues causing resentment and begin to move forward as a team.

Seek Professional Help if Necessary - Resentment Can be a Sign of Deeper Issues in Your Marriage That Need to be Addressed

If you're feeling resentful towards your spouse, it's important to take a step back and assess the situation.

Resentment is often a sign of deeper issues in a relationship, and it can be difficult to work through these issues on your own.

If you're feeling overwhelmed or stuck, seeking professional help may be the best course of action.

A therapist can help you to communicate more effectively with your spouse and identify the root cause of your resentment.

In some cases, resentment is caused by unresolved childhood trauma or feelings of insecurity.

However, with the help of a therapist, you can learn how to address these issues and build a stronger marriage.

Disclaimer


The content in this article is only meant for informational purposes.

It is not meant to be used as a substitute for professional medical advice.

If you need help with your mental health or marriage issues, please seek official medical advice from a licensed professional.

You can find many resources online, including teletherapy.

You can also check your local listings for a professional near you.

Author

Jennifer Luttman, LPC, ACS

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, and owner of Overcomers Counseling. I'm dedicated to helping individuals find strength and healing through life’s challenges. With a deep understanding of mental health and years of professional experience, I specialize in fostering hope and resilience while equipping her clients with tools to thrive. Passionate about empowering others, she creates a safe, supportive space where everyone feels seen, valued, and capable of overcoming obstacles on their path to well-being.

Common Questions

Questions about Marriage

How long does it take to build trust in a relationship?

Trust is built over time through positive experiences and interactions. However, it can be difficult to say how long it will take to build trust in a particular relationship as it varies from couple to couple.

How can I find my love language?

There are many resources available online, including quizzes and assessments, that can help you find your love language. Gary Chapman's book, "The 5 Love Languages," is also a great resource to help you identify and understand your love language.

How can I make quality time for my spouse if we have busy schedules?

Prioritizing quality time together can be challenging with busy schedules, but it's important to make it a priority. Schedule date nights or make the most of the time you do have together, such as during meals or by planning activities that are quick and easy to do.

What are some signs that trust is present in a relationship?

Trust is built over time through positive experiences and interactions. However, it can be difficult to say how long it will take to build trust in a particular relationship as it varies from couple to Some signs that trust is present in a relationship include feeling safe to be yourself, being able to rely on your partner, and feeling like you can share anything with them..

What are some strategies for encouraging children to take risks?

Strategies for encouraging children to take calculated risks include starting small, highlighting the benefits, being supportive, teaching them to evaluate risk, emphasizing learning, celebrating success, and encouraging perseverance.

How can I improve my communication with my spouse?

In order to improve your communication with your spouse, you need to be open to change.This means being willing to change the way you communicate, as well as the way you think about and handle conflict.It is also important to be patient when communicating with your spouse. This means taking the time to listen to what they have to say and trying to understand their point of view. Lastly, it is important to be respectful when communicating with your spouse. This means using kind words and avoiding put-downs or criticisms. When you are open to change, you can learn new ways of communicating that can improve your marriage.

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