How to Maintain a Great Marriage With an Autistic Child

Marriage in itself requires a lot of work to be successful, and parenting an autistic child can take a real toll on the success of the marriage. Children...

Marriage
June 26, 2025

Marriage in itself requires a lot of work to be successful, and parenting an autistic child can take a real toll on the success of the marriage. Children with autism experience several challenges and often need a different parenting approach and extra support from their parents to navigate life.

Due to the high demands of raising an autistic child, parents are often at risk of complete exhaustion, meltdowns, and other challenges, which can affect their marriage. It is thus essential to learn helpful ways to maintain a great marriage while raising an autistic child.

Regular communication is one important habit you must cultivate to maintain a successful marriage with your spouse while raising your autistic child.

Discuss feelings, parenting approach, work, dreams, and every other important information regarding your personal life. Open communication is essential in maintaining a strong relationship, especially when dealing with the challenges of raising an autistic child. Couples must create time to share love, care, and affection with each other, even in the midst of busy schedules and responsibilities.

As an adult, busy schedules and responsibilities can sometimes make spending quality time with your spouse difficult. A simple way to overcome this hurdle is to spend time doing "normal" daily activities with your spouse, such as cooking dinner together, taking a walk, or watching a favorite show. These small moments of connection can help maintain intimacy and emotional closeness.

Furthermore, it is best to educate yourself about your child's needs. In order to provide support for your autistic child and reduce parenting stress, understand your child's autism symptoms. This helps you plan ahead and counter potential problems before they arise, allowing you to create a more structured and supportive environment for both your child and your relationship.

Read on to learn how to maintain a great marriage while raising an autistic child:

Communicate With Your Spouse

Healthy communication is vital for the success of any marriage, especially when parenting an autistic child. The more you communicate with your spouse about your feelings, parenting struggles, and challenges in your marriage, the stronger your bond will grow as a couple. Thus, an effective way to maintain a great marriage with an autistic child is to communicate openly with your spouse.

Everyone responds and reacts in varying ways to an autism diagnosis. Your spouse might be more solution-oriented, while you might be more willing to walk your child through their setbacks slowly. Sometimes your methods might clash, and during this moment, it’s important to take a step back and communicate with your partner. This communication aims to understand your partner’s methods, so it doesn't feel like one person is doing more or less.

Likewise, it is essential to communicate your feelings with your spouse. Let your spouse know exactly how you feel about issues regarding parenting, work, family, finances, and more, and be sure to listen as they share their feelings as well. Ensure to validate their feelings and show empathy, support, and unconditional love.

In addition, healthy communication plays a major role in resolving marital conflicts. Parenting an autistic child can lead to pent-up stress, anger, and frustration, which may increase the frequency of disagreements in your marriage. During your stressful moments, it is important to communicate your needs and expectations to your spouse. Although avoiding disputes with your spouse is impossible, it is essential to make up and treat each other with love and respect after any argument.

Don't Neglect Couple's Time

Parenting an autistic child can be demanding and time-consuming, but it is essential to create time for regular activities with your spouse to reconnect and maintain a healthy relationship. To maintain a great marriage with an autistic child, make time to be together as a couple. Many people believe couples' time requires grand outings and fancy date nights, which can seem impossible for busy parents. However, in reality, you can enjoy quality time with your spouse by doing simple things like going for a walk, reading a book, watching a movie together, or having coffee.

Cherish even the simplest moments with your spouse. Additionally, staying curious about your partner is crucial. Ask about their day at work, their feelings, dreams, goals, and struggles. Staying curious helps you learn more about your spouse, deepening your connection and strengthening your bond.

Furthermore, the time spent parenting your autistic child can also be considered quality time. When you approach parenting as a team effort rather than a strenuous duty, it becomes easier to find joy in every moment with your partner, fostering happiness in your relationship.

A father playing with his kids in a field

Educate Yourselves About Your Child's Needs

Understanding your child's autism diagnosis, challenges, needs, and developments is crucial for adopting the best parenting strategies. This knowledge can significantly reduce stress and help you maintain a great marriage while parenting an autistic child. For example, many autistic children experience sensory difficulties. If your child is sensitive to loud noises, providing headphones can help them cope better with their environment. Small adjustments to accommodate your child’s sensory sensitivities can go a long way in reducing tantrums and your overall stress as a parent.

Additionally, forming healthy friendships is important for children as they grow, but this can be a challenge for children with autism. If your child tends to withdraw or struggles with social interaction, you can support them by teaching communication and social skills. By understanding both the weaknesses and strengths of your child, you can offer the necessary support to help them develop and grow.

You can also educate yourself about autism by studying your child’s specific diagnosis, talking to other parents of autistic children, attending parenting classes, joining support groups, and participating in events related to autism spectrum disorder. This knowledge will better equip you to support your child and maintain balance in your marriage.

Share Responsibilities With Your Spouse

One way to maintain a great marriage with an autistic child is to share responsibilities with your spouse. Raising an autistic child often involves balancing life changes, parenting, and work, which can be overwhelming. However, by dividing responsibilities and working together as a team, you can create a stronger bond with your spouse and manage your daily tasks effectively. Start by discussing household chores, maintenance duties, and other responsibilities necessary to keep the home running smoothly.

Talk about your work schedules and develop a plan to share these duties in a way that doesn't disrupt each other's personal lives. Additionally, parenting an autistic child involves a variety of responsibilities. It's important to have a clear understanding of who will handle tasks like shopping, homework, medical appointments, school events, and therapy sessions.

The goal is not to assign all parenting duties to one partner but to ensure that both of you are equally involved in raising your child. If one parent is left to handle all responsibilities, it can lead to frustration, anger, and resentment. Working together, however, helps strengthen your parent-child relationship, deepens your bond as a couple, and creates a supportive partnership based on mutual effort.

Seek Help

Raising an autistic child is not without its challenges, and when things become overwhelming, don't hesitate to ask for help. Sometimes, the key to maintaining a strong marriage with an autistic child is seeking support from outside sources. Overwhelming feelings, intense anxiety, and stress can negatively impact both your marriage and your relationship with your child. If you or your spouse are struggling, counseling or therapy can provide valuable support to help you cope more effectively.

It's also important to be open to help from friends and family. An occasional family dinner, emotional support, financial assistance, or even just a shoulder to lean on can go a long way in reducing stress. The crucial point is to learn how to ask for help rather than pushing through in unhealthy ways.

Additionally, many communities offer respite care for parents of autistic children who need a break to recharge. Respite care allows you to step away from caregiving duties temporarily, giving you the chance to practice self-care, rejuvenate your energy, and return to your responsibilities feeling refreshed and better equipped to handle the challenges ahead.

Conclusion

Most couples look forward to parenthood with great delight, happiness, and love. Although parenting is a beautiful experience, it can be difficult for couples with children on the autism spectrum. Providing support for your autistic child and keeping your marriage healthy requires much work and effort. It is, therefore, essential to learning how to maintain a great marriage with an autistic child.

To do this, you must communicate with your spouse regularly, prioritize couples time, educate yourself about your child's needs, share responsibilities, and seek help.

Resources

https://www.autismspeaks.org/tool-kit-excerpt/keeping-your-marriage-strong#:~:text=Plan%20some%20alone%20time%2C%20even,homework%20and%20other%20household%20tasks.

https://autismawarenesscentre.com/keep-marriage-strong-raising-child-autism/

https://blog.theautismsite.greatergood.com/cs-strong-marriage-autistic-parents/

https://www.autismparentingmagazine.com/effects-of-autism-on-marriage/

https://blog.stageslearning.com/blog/six-strategies-for-strengthening-your-marriage-for-parents-of-asd-children

Author

Jennifer Luttman, LPC, ACS

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, and owner of Overcomers Counseling. I'm dedicated to helping individuals find strength and healing through life’s challenges. With a deep understanding of mental health and years of professional experience, I specialize in fostering hope and resilience while equipping her clients with tools to thrive. Passionate about empowering others, she creates a safe, supportive space where everyone feels seen, valued, and capable of overcoming obstacles on their path to well-being.

Common Questions

Questions about Marriage

Can interdependent relationships face challenges?

Yes, like any relationship, interdependent ones can face challenges such as power imbalances, external pressures, and conflicts. Addressing these challenges requires open communication, empathy, willingness to compromise, and sometimes seeking external guidance to navigate through difficulties.

How do you rebuild trust in a marriage after betrayal?

The first step is to take responsibility for your actions and apologize. Next, be honest with your thoughts and feelings. Show that you're willing to change and be a better partner. Finally, set some boundaries to help prevent future hurt. Remember to be patient as it takes time to rebuild trust.

Can love be rekindled in a marriage?

Yes, love can be rekindled in a marriage. It takes effort and commitment, but it's not impossible. By prioritizing communication, quality time, and showing appreciation and gratitude, it is possible to reignite the spark in your marriage.

Can EFT couples therapy be used alongside family therapy?

Yes, EFT couples therapy can complement family therapy by addressing the emotional dynamics within the couple relationship, which can have positive ripple effects on family members and overall family well-being.

How often do we need to go to counseling?

This is something that you'll need to discuss with your counselor. In some cases, weekly sessions may be appropriate. In other cases, you may only need to meet every other week or once a month.

Where can I find more information about Tricare coverage for marriage counseling?

For more detailed information, you can visit the official Tricare website or contact a Tricare representative. You can also seek our resources at the defense health agency.

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