How to Maintain a Great Marriage With an Autistic Child

How to Maintain a Great Marriage With an Autistic Child

Marriage in itself requires a lot of work to be successful and parenting an autistic child can take a real toll on the success of the marriage.

Children with autistic experience several challenges and often need a different parenting approach and extra support from their parents to navigate life.

Due to the high demands of raising an autistic child, parents are often at risk of complete exhaustion, meltdowns, and other challenges, which can affect their marriage.

It is thus essential to learn helpful ways to maintain a great marriage with an autistic child.

Regular communication is one important habit you must cultivate to maintain a successful marriage with your spouse while raising your autistic child.

Discuss feelings, parenting approach, work, dreams, and every other important information regarding your personal life.

Also, couples must create time to share love, care, and affection with each other.

As an adult, busy schedules and responsibilities can sometimes make spending quality time with your spouse difficult.

A simple way to overcome this hurdle is to spend time doing "normal" daily activities with your spouse.

Furthermore, it is best to educate yourself about your child's needs.

In order to provide support for your autistic child and reduce parenting stress, understand your child's autism symptoms.

This helps you plan ahead and counter potential problems before it arrives.

Read on to learn how to maintain a great marriage with an autistic child:

Marriages & Couples Therapists in Colorado

Donna Janiec, LPC, NCC

Donna Janiec, LPC, NCC

(719) 345-2424
Hailey Gloden, MA, LPC, NCC

Hailey Gloden, MA, LPC, NCC

Colorado Springs, Colorado
(719) 602-1342
Randal Thomas, SWC

Randal Thomas, SWC

Colorado Springs, Colorado
(719) 602-1342
Heather Comensky, LPC

Heather Comensky, LPC

Aurora, Colorado
(720) 449-4121
Melanie Klinke, MA, MFTC, LPCC

Melanie Klinke, MA, MFTC, LPCC

(719) 345-2424
Jennifer Luttman, LPC, ACS

Jennifer Luttman, LPC, ACS

(719) 345-2424
Abigail Corless, LPCC

Abigail Corless, LPCC

(719) 345-2424
Jessica Gutierrez-Gaytan, SWC

Jessica Gutierrez-Gaytan, SWC

(719) 345-2424
Katie (Kate) Castillo, MS, LPCC

Katie (Kate) Castillo, MS, LPCC

Colorado Springs, Colorado
(719) 345-2424
Olivia Woodring, LPCC, NCC

Olivia Woodring, LPCC, NCC

(719) 345-2424

Communicate With Your Spouse 

Healthy communication is vital for the success of any marriage, especially when parenting an autistic child.

The more you communicate with your spouse about your feelings, parenting struggles, and challenges in your marriage, the stronger your bond will grow as a couple.

Thus, an effective way to maintain a great marriage with an autistic child is to communicate with your spouse.

Everyone responds and reacts in varying ways to an autism diagnosis.

Your spouse might be more solution-oriented, while you might be more willing to walk your child through their setbacks slowly.

Sometimes your methods might crash, and during this moment, you must take a step back to communicate with your partner.

This communication aims to understand your partner's methods, so it doesn't seem like one person is doing more or less.

Likewise, it is essential to communicate your feelings with your spouse.

Let your spouse know exactly how you feel about issues regarding parenting, work, family, finances, and more, and pay attention as they share their feelings as well.

Ensure to validate their feelings and show empathy, support, and unconditional love.

In addition, healthy communication plays a major role in solving marital conflicts.

Parenting an autistic child can lead to pent-up stress, anger, and frustration, thus increasing the frequency of disagreements and conflict in your marriage.

During your stressful moments, it is important to communicate your needs and expectations to your spouse.

Although avoiding disputes with your spouse is impossible, you must never forget to make up and treat each other right after any fight.

Don't Neglect Couple's Time

In truth, parenting an autistic child can be demanding and time-consuming.

However, you must create time to participate in regular activities with your spouse to reconnect and keep your relationship healthy.

Thus, to maintain a great marriage with an autistic child, create time to be together as a couple.

Many believe couples time involves grand outings and fancy date nights, and for busy couples, this can seem like a dream.

In reality, however, you can enjoy quality time with your spouse doing the simplest things.

You can go for a walk, read a book, watch a movie together, or go out for coffee.

Ensure to cherish even the simplest moments with your spouse.

Likewise, it is essential to stay curious about your partner.

Ask about their day at work, friends, feelings, dreams, goals, aspirations, daily struggles, or something that made them happy.

Staying curious helps you learn more about your spouse and strengthens your bond.

In addition, the time spent parenting your autistic child can serve as quality time.

When you view parenting as teamwork rather than a strenuous duty, it becomes easier to find joy in every moment with your partner and remain happy with them.

Educate Yourselves About Your Child's Needs

Understanding your child's autism diagnosis, challenges, needs, and developments will help you know the best parenting strategies to adopt.

This knowledge can help you significantly reduce stress and maintain a great marriage with an autistic child.

For instance, many autistic children experience sensory difficulties.

If such is the case with your child, you help by understanding your child's sensory sensitivities and adjusting to them.

If your autistic child reacts negatively to loud noises, you can help by getting them headphones.

Making a few adjustments in consideration of your child's sensitivities will go a long way in reducing tantrums and your stress as a parent.

Also, forming healthy friendships is vital for children as they grow. However, this might be a challenge for children with autism.

If you know your child is socially awkward or likes to withdraw, you can help by teaching them communication and social skills.

By understanding the weakness and strengths of your autistic child, you can help provide the necessary support for them as they grow.

In addition, you can educate yourself about your child's diagnosis by studying your child, talking to parents with autistic children, attending parenting classes, joining support groups, and attending events on autism spectrum disorder. 

Share Responsibilities With Your Spouse 

One way to maintain a great marriage with an autistic child is to share responsibilities with your spouse.

It can be difficult for couples raising an autistic child to find a proper balance between life changes, parenting, and work.

However, by sharing responsibilities and working together as a team, you get to create a stronger bond with your spouse and manage your responsibilities properly.

You can start by discussing household chores, maintenance duties, and all other responsibilities involved in having a well-maintained home.

Discuss your work schedules with your spouse and devise a plan to share home duties in a way that doesn't hinder each other's individual lives.

Likewise, there are many responsibilities involved in parenting a child.

There should be a clear understanding of who does shopping and homework at a certain time and which parent will attend medical appointments, school functions, therapy sessions, etc.

Remember, the goal isn't to allocate parenting duties to one parent; rather, it is to be equally involved in raising your child.

Leaving all the responsibilities for one partner to carry will eventually lead to frustration, anger, and resentment.

Working together, on the other hand, fosters your parent-child relationship, strengthens your bond as a couple, and helps you rely on each other for support in a healthy way. 

Seek Help

Raising an autistic child is not a walk in the park; when push comes to shove, don't be afraid to ask for help.

Sometimes the only way you can maintain a great marriage with an autistic child is to seek help from an outside party when needed.

Dealing with overwhelming feelings, intense anxiety, and huge amounts of stress can affect the quality of your presence in your marriage and your child's life.

If you or your spouse are struggling, you can seek counseling and therapy to help you cope better.

Also, be open to accepting help from your friends and families.

An occasional family dinner, emotional support from friends, financial support, or a shoulder to lean on can help alleviate the stress.

The key is to learn to ask for help rather than simply coping in ways that may eventually become unhealthy for you.

In addition, several communities offer respite care for parents with autistic children who have exceeded their limit to care and support for their children.

With respite care, you to take a break to rejuvenate your energy, practice self-care, and self-regulate. 


Most couples look forward to parenthood with great delight, happiness, and love.

Although parenting is a beautiful experience, it can be difficult for couples with children on the autism spectrum.

Providing support for your autistic child and keeping your marriage healthy requires much work and effort.

It is, therefore, essential to learning how to maintain a great marriage with an autistic child.

To do this, you must communicate with your spouse regularly, prioritize couples time, educate yourself about your child's needs, share responsibilities, and seek help.


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June 18th, 2024

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