How to Deal With an Alcoholic Partner

Dealing with an alcoholic partner can be a difficult and emotionally draining experience.No matter why you're in this situation, it's important to recognize...

Dealing with an alcoholic partner can be a difficult and emotionally draining experience.No matter why you're in this situation, it's important to recognize the signs of alcoholism and how your behavior might be affecting your partner's drinking.Let's discuss strategies for managing relationships with an alcoholic partner, setting boundaries, dealing with conflict, and taking care of yourself while caring for them.By understanding the dynamics of an alcoholic relationship and exploring helpful tips, you can learn how to effectively manage these difficult situations and thrive as a couple.  

Identify When your Partner is Drinking Too Much


Identifying when your partner drinks too much can be difficult, but learning how to recognize the warning signs can help with managing the situation.

When attempting to identify if your partner is drinking beyond their limit, there are a few key considerations to keep in mind:

  • Look for patterns of binge drinking or heavy alcohol use on weekends or during holidays
  • Monitor how often your partner is purchasing or refilling alcohol
  • Pay attention to mood and behavior changes that may indicate episodes of intoxication
  • Track how long it takes for their drunkenness to wear off
  • Recognize any relationship issues that could be linked to alcohol use, such as emotional distance, potential infidelity, or financial trouble

a person looking at themselves in a mirror

Identifying the Underlying Reasons Behind Their Alcohol Use

Trying to understand why your partner drinks too much can be difficult and complicated.Identifying the underlying reasons for their alcohol use may help you to better manage the situation and support them in making positive changes.

Here are a few key aspects to consider when attempting to identify the motivations behind your partner's drinking habits:

  • Explore any traumatic events or unresolved conflicts that could be causing stress or anxiety
  • Look into potential genetic predispositions or mental health issues that could contribute to drinking
  • Consider if underlying shame or guilt could be fueling their need to drink
  • Observe if they're using alcohol as a coping mechanism for feelings of loneliness, depression, or insecurity
  • Reflect on social pressures like peer influence, situational triggers, or lifestyle norms

alcohol being poured into a cup

Warning Signs That Your Partner's Drinking is Getting Out of Control

There are some key warning signs to watch out for when it comes to determining if your partner's drinking is getting out of control.If any of the following situations apply, it may be time to have an open and honest discussion with your partner:

  • Increased frequency and amount of alcohol consumed
  • Risky behavior such as driving under the influence or engaging in unprotected sexual encounters
  • Neglecting responsibilities like work, family commitments, or maintaining healthy relationships
  • Physically exhibiting signs of inebriation, such as slurred speech, lack of coordination, or extreme mood swings
  • Experiencing negative consequences from their drinking habits, including legal trouble, financial hardship, relationship issues, health problems

Setting Boundaries and Dealing with Conflict


Setting boundaries and dealing with conflict is an essential part of managing your partner's drinking.It's important to be clear about what behaviors are not acceptable and create a plan for what the consequences of those behaviors will be in advance.

Here are some tips on creating healthy boundaries and effectively navigating difficult conversations:

  • Respectfully communicate your concerns, clarify expectations, and remain open to feedback
  • Make it clear that you are willing to support them but won't enable or tolerate unhealthy behavior
  • Give them space when they need it, but stay firm in enforcing boundaries around alcohol use
  • Establish healthy coping mechanisms such as exercise, counseling, or therapy
  • Listen carefully without judgment and be supportive when there is the progress made

When speaking to your partner about their drinking, it is important to approach the conversation with respect and kindness. Here are some examples of things you can say:

"I'm concerned about your alcohol use, and I want to let you know that I am here for you if you need help."

Seek Professional Advice from a Therapist or Counselor regarding the Relationship

Seeking professional help is an important step if your partner's drinking has become difficult to manage on your own.Consult a qualified therapist or addiction specialist who can provide the necessary support and resources.Other sources of help to consider include community-based organizations such as Alcoholics Anonymous and other support groups, inpatient treatment programs, and residential sober living facilities.Don't be afraid to reach out for assistance; you don't have to go through this alone.

Conclusion

Dealing with an alcoholic partner can be challenging, but it is possible to establish healthy boundaries and maintain a constructive relationship.Remember that you are not alone and there is help available if needed.Seek professional assistance as soon as possible, communicate your expectations clearly and respectfully, remain firm in enforcing boundaries around alcohol use, and offer support when progress is made.The most important thing to remember is to never give up hope and keep working towards a healthier future for both of you.

Author

Jennifer Luttman, LPC, ACS

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, and owner of Overcomers Counseling. I'm dedicated to helping individuals find strength and healing through life’s challenges. With a deep understanding of mental health and years of professional experience, I specialize in fostering hope and resilience while equipping her clients with tools to thrive. Passionate about empowering others, she creates a safe, supportive space where everyone feels seen, valued, and capable of overcoming obstacles on their path to well-being.

Common Questions

Questions about Marriage

Is everything we discuss in therapy confidential?

Yes, therapists are bound by confidentiality rules, and anything you discuss in therapy is kept private, with a few exceptions related to safety and legal issues.

When should I consider going to therapy?

If you're struggling with abandonment issues, it may be helpful to seek professional support. Consider consulting a mental health professional if your feelings of fear or insecurity are impacting your relationships or daily functioning. No matter what, it's important to remember that seeking help is a sign of strength. Taking this step can be an important part of overcoming abandonment issues and improving overall well-being.

How does EFT differ from other forms of relationship therapy?

EFT focuses specifically on the emotional bonds and attachment needs in relationships. Unlike other therapies that might focus on behavioral changes alone, EFT addresses the deeper emotional experiences and underlying attachment issues.

How often do we need to go to counseling?

This is something that you'll need to discuss with your counselor. In some cases, weekly sessions may be appropriate. In other cases, you may only need to meet every other week or once a month.

How can mindfulness help me overcome overthinking?

Mindfulness is the practice of being present in the moment and focusing on what's happening right now. When we're caught up in overthinking, our minds are often stuck ruminating on the past or worrying about the future. Practicing mindfulness techniques like meditation or deep breathing exercises can help bring us back into the present moment and reduce feelings of anxiety and stress.

What if my spouse refuses to get help?

If your spouse is resistant to treatment, you might need to get help from a professional. An interventionist can work with you and your family to plan a confrontation that will encourage your spouse to seek help.

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