How to Communicate Effectively With Your Partner During Conflict

How to Communicate Effectively With Your Partner During Conflict
It can be very tough to have misunderstandings with your partner regularly; however, the length and intensity of your conflict depend on how both partners handle the situation. 

Even though it is inevitable to have disagreements in a relationship, learning to communicate effectively with your partner during the conflict will determine how your relationship will progress afterward.

Picking a good time is essential when you want to have a heated conversation with your partner.

You and your partner must be mentally and emotionally available to communicate in a good state of mind. 

This often determines the outcome of the discussion.

Also, you should make sure to allow your partner to speak their mind. 

Interrupting your partner and taking away their chance to voice their opinion will negatively impact your relationship.

Your partner will tend to bottle up their emotions and slowly lose their interest in the relationship when they aren't allowed to speak.

Similarly, communicating with your partner in a kind manner goes a long way in the conversation. 

Showing that you love and respect your partner even when you are upset will ease the tension and allow your partner to do the same.

Communicating with kindness gives room for emotional connection, even during conflict.

Here are various ways you can communicate effectively with your partner during conflict:

Marriages & Couples Therapists in Colorado

Jessica Gutierrez-Gaytan, SWC

Jessica Gutierrez-Gaytan, SWC

(719) 345-2424
Olivia Woodring, LPCC, NCC

Olivia Woodring, LPCC, NCC

(719) 345-2424
Melvin Lee, LPCC

Melvin Lee, LPCC

(719) 345-2424
Abigail Corless, LPCC

Abigail Corless, LPCC

(719) 345-2424
Melanie Klinke, MA, MFTC, LPCC

Melanie Klinke, MA, MFTC, LPCC

(719) 345-2424
Randal Thomas, SWC

Randal Thomas, SWC

Colorado Springs, Colorado
(719) 602-1342
Jennifer Luttman, LPC, ACS

Jennifer Luttman, LPC, ACS

(719) 345-2424
Katie (Kate) Castillo, MS, LPCC

Katie (Kate) Castillo, MS, LPCC

Colorado Springs, Colorado
(719) 345-2424
Margot Bean, LCSW

Margot Bean, LCSW

Colorado Springs, Colorado
(719) 345-2424
Seth Boughton, SWC

Seth Boughton, SWC

(720) 449-4121

Pick a Good Time

Ensure you find the right time and place to disagree with your partner. 

Your partner needs to be in the same space as you to have a fair conflict. 

Suddenly attacking your partner regardless of their mood will have a negative turnout. 

To communicate effectively with your partner during a dispute, pick a good time and place where your partner feels safe and comfortable.

Likewise, avoid starting a quarrel when your emotions are unsettled. 

Take a deep breath and calm yourself down no matter how offended you are. 

When you do this, you will be able to structure your thoughts and emotions and approach the conversation with a clear mind.

When it seems like you and your partner are constantly arguing rather than reaching a conversation, it is advisable to take some time out. 

Go on a walk or tune it to your favorite show. 

Whatever you do, take some time to mediate apart from each other for a while.

Also, attempt to pick a good time to resolve your conflict before the day is over.

Resolving disputes before bedtime doesn't mean you have to rush yourself into forgiving your partner immediately. 

You simply need to make sure you are on good terms with your partner to avoid worse negative emotions the next day. 

Allow Your Partner to Speak

Making an effort to pause and listen to your partner is a sign of healthy communication.

Ensure you're not the only one doing all the talking.

When your partner starts to talk, avoid interfering with their point; instead, wait for your turn to address whatever you disagree with.

It is necessary to show your partner that you are engaged in the conversation when they are stating a point. 

When they notice you paying keen attention, they become forced to stick to the facts only. 

Even when you disagree, avoid cutting them off, hissing, or making gestures that could turn them off.

Also, seek to understand your partner's point of view. 

Recognize that you are in a loving relationship, and they don't intend to hurt your feelings.

You might want your partner to see things in your way and understand you; however, your partner will likely want to speak and listen if they feel heard.

After your partner has shared their point of view on the conflict matter, proceed to ask reasonable questions. 

Defer from offensive or rhetorical questions as it could make your partner defensive, thus worsening the situation. 

Ask meaningful questions relating to the conflict matter.

Know Your Message 

During a dispute with your partner, an essential thing to remind yourself of is the point of the argument. 

Remember, the conflict isn't to fight your partner; instead, it is to pass across a message. 

If you want to learn how to effectively communicate with your partner during a conflict, know your message.

Also, refrain from expecting your partner to read your mind. 

It might be hurtful when your partner doesn't pick on your emotional cues, notwithstanding you need to voice out your thoughts. 

Your partner has a different thought process so help to direct their thoughts and actions by speaking up your mind.

Similarly, avoid beating around the bush when it's your turn to speak during an argument. 

Let your partner precisely know what you feel and why you are upset. 

Understand that your needs are different from your partners', and when they contradict, there will likely be a conflict if there isn't a compromise forehand.

Equally, it is vital to focus on the conflict matter at hand. Let bygones be bygones when arguing with your partner, and avoid bringing up the past. 

Bringing up the past shows you never truly let things go, thus making it difficult for your partner to trust you. 

Be Kind

Using healthy communication techniques during conflicts allows your partner to freely express themself without the fear of being criticized.

One of such healthy techniques is showing kindness even during disputes. 

Showing kindness will enable you to communicate effectively with your partner during the conflict.

When you resort to violence, you risk losing your partner and the relationship. 

The mental and emotional connection becomes broken, making the relationship go downhill. 

When you feel extremely upset or overwhelmed, take a huge breath and ask to postpone the conversation.

Similarly, avoid calling your partner names and body shaming them.

You may lose your intimacy, trust, connection, and your partner's love. Avoid bringing up your partners' triggers and flaws just to silence them.

When responding to your partner, endeavor to get rid of judgemental thoughts. 

Take in their message as a whole and focus on the point.

Passing judgmental comments can hurt your partner and the relationship. 

Seek Closure

The final state of conflict with your partner is reaching a conclusion that satisfies both of you. 

At this stage, you and your partner have made your points and have arrived at a mutual understanding.

Seeking closure is a way to communicate effectively with your partner during conflicts.

When you realize that you are wrong, tame your pride and admit your mistakes to your partner. 

Acknowledge the pain you have caused your partner and take full responsibility by apologizing sincerely. 

Don't fight to be right.

Your partner is more likely to forgive you when you tender a simple, heartfelt apology.

Don't try to blame them for your mistakes or beat around the bush. 

Tell them how much you love them and feel sorry for hurting them.

It is important to forgive your partner to get over conflicts in a relationship. 

When they make efforts to apologize and right their wrongs, bring them closer by truly letting go. 

Unforgiveness can result in resentment, which will affect your connection to your partner. 


Healthy communication when you're upset with your partner isn't always easy. 

It requires a lot of effort to be able to communicate when you feel hurt.

If you wish to learn ways to communicate effectively with your partner during conflicts, you should pick a good time, allow your partner to speak, know your message, remain kind and seek closure.


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July 21st, 2024

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