How to Communicate Effectively With Your Partner During Conflict

Misunderstandings in personal relationships are inevitable, but conflict resolution depends on communication strategies. We cover different approaches in our...

Marriage
March 21, 2025

Misunderstandings in personal relationships are inevitable, but conflict resolution depends on communication strategies. We cover different approaches in our couples therapy intensive. When conflict arises, both partners must be emotionally ready to engage in verbal and nonverbal communication. Picking the right moment to discuss can aid in resolving conflict. Effective communication skills, like active listening, are crucial to manage conflict and enhance relationship satisfaction.

Allowing your partner to express themselves without interruption fosters relationship satisfaction and helps resolve conflicts. Similarly, communicating with your partner in a kind manner goes a long way in the conversation. Using kind words and body language during conflict situations can promote interpersonal conflict management and maintain a positive connection.

Quick Summary Guide

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Summary

Pick a Good Time

Choosing the right moment for discussions is crucial for conflict management strategies. Ensure both partners are calm to avoid conflict escalation and poor communication. This helps resolve conflict effectively in romantic relationships.

Allow Your Partner to Speak

Active listening skills are essential in managing conflict. Let your partner express their views, which aids in resolving conflicts and understanding person's intentions. Avoid interrupting to maintain positive communication.

Know Your Message

Direct communication is key. Clearly convey your thoughts to prevent future conflict. Focus on current issues without bringing up past conflicts, which helps in managing conflict effectively and understanding conflict styles.

Be Kind

Using kindness in interpersonal communication prevents conflict escalation. Avoid negative comments to maintain relationship conflict at a manageable level and encourage positive communication.

Seek Closure

Achieving closure involves understanding conflicting parties and resolving conflicts through apologies and forgiveness. It strengthens romantic relationships and helps manage conflicts that arise.

Pick a Good Time

Ensure you find the right time and place to disagree with your partner. Your partner needs to be in the same space as you to have a fair conflict. Suddenly attacking your partner regardless of their mood will have a negative turnout. To communicate effectively with your partner during a dispute, pick a good time and place where your partner feels safe and comfortable.

Likewise, avoid starting a quarrel when your emotions are unsettled. Take a deep breath and calm yourself down no matter how offended you are. When you do this, you will be able to structure your thoughts and emotions and approach the conversation with a clear mind.

When it seems like you and your partner are constantly arguing rather than reaching a conversation, it is advisable to take some time out. Go on a walk or tune into your favorite show. Whatever you do, take some time to mediate apart from each other for a while.

Also, attempt to pick a good time to resolve your conflict before the day is over. Resolving disputes before bedtime doesn't mean you have to rush yourself into forgiving your partner immediately. You simply need to make sure you are on good terms with your partner to avoid worse negative emotions the next day.

Allow Your Partner to Speak

Making an effort to pause and listen to your partner is a sign of healthy communication. Ensure you're not the only one doing all the talking. When your partner starts to talk, avoid interfering with their point; instead, wait for your turn to address whatever you disagree with. It is necessary to show your partner that you are engaged in the conversation when they are stating a point. When they notice you paying keen attention, they become forced to stick to the facts only. Even when you disagree, avoid cutting them off, hissing, or making gestures that could turn them off.

Also, seek to understand your partner's point of view. Recognize that you are in a loving relationship, and they don't intend to hurt your feelings. You might want your partner to see things in your way and understand you; however, your partner will likely want to speak and listen if they feel heard.

After your partner has shared their point of view on the conflict matter, proceed to ask reasonable questions. Defer from offensive or rhetorical questions as it could make your partner defensive, thus worsening the situation. Ask meaningful questions relating to the conflict matter.

Know Your Message

During a dispute with your partner, an essential thing to remind yourself of is the point of the argument. Remember, the conflict isn't to fight your partner; instead, it is to pass across a message. If you want to learn how to effectively communicate with your partner during a conflict, know your message.

Also, refrain from expecting your partner to read your mind. It might be hurtful when your partner doesn't pick on your emotional cues, notwithstanding you need to voice out your thoughts. Your partner has a different thought process, so help to direct their thoughts and actions by speaking up your mind.

Similarly, avoid beating around the bush when it's your turn to speak during an argument. Let your partner precisely know what you feel and why you are upset. Understand that your needs are different from your partners', and when they contradict, there will likely be a conflict if there isn't a compromise beforehand.

Equally, it is vital to focus on the conflict matter at hand. Let bygones be bygones when arguing with your partner, and avoid bringing up the past. Bringing up the past shows you never truly let things go, thus making it difficult for your partner to trust you.

Staying kind during conflict will aid effective communication.

Be Kind

Using healthy communication techniques during conflicts allows your partner to freely express themself without the fear of being criticized. One of such healthy techniques is showing kindness even during disputes. Showing kindness will enable you to communicate effectively with your partner during the conflict.

When you resort to violence, you risk losing your partner and the relationship. The mental and emotional connection becomes broken, making the relationship go downhill. When you feel extremely upset or overwhelmed, take a huge breath and ask to postpone the conversation.

Similarly, avoid calling your partner names and body shaming them. You may lose your intimacy, trust, connection, and your partner's love. Avoid bringing up your partner's triggers and flaws just to silence them.

When responding to your partner, endeavor to get rid of judgmental thoughts. Take in their message as a whole and focus on the point. Passing judgmental comments can hurt your partner and the relationship.

Seek Closure

The final state of conflict with your partner is reaching a conclusion that satisfies both of you. At this stage, you and your partner have made your points and have arrived at a mutual understanding. Seeking closure is a way to communicate effectively with your partner during conflicts.

When you realize that you are wrong, tame your pride and admit your mistakes to your partner. Acknowledge the pain you have caused your partner and take full responsibility by apologizing sincerely. Don't fight to be right. Your partner is more likely to forgive you when you tender a simple, heartfelt apology.

Don't try to blame them for your mistakes or beat around the bush. Tell them how much you love them and feel sorry for hurting them. It is important to forgive your partner to get over conflicts in a relationship. When they make efforts to apologize and right their wrongs, bring them closer by truly letting go.

Unforgiveness can result in resentment, which will affect your connection to your partner.

Conclusion

Healthy communication when you're upset with your partner isn't always easy. It requires a lot of effort to be able to communicate when you feel hurt. If you wish to learn ways to communicate effectively with your partner during conflicts, you should pick a good time, allow your partner to speak, know your message, remain kind and seek closure.

Resources

https://inspiringtips.com/humble-ways-to-admit-you-wrong/

https://www.aifc.com.au/effective-communication-for-conflict-resolution/

https://www.innermelbpsychology.com.au/how-to-communicate-effectively-with-your-partner-during-conflict/

https://www.thehappinessclinic.org/single-post/how-to-communicate-effectively-in-relationships

https://theeverygirl.com/how-to-communicate-with-your-significant-other-when-youre-arguing/

https://www.verywellmind.com/managing-conflict-in-relationships-communication-tips-3144967

Author
Jennifer Luttman, LPC, ACS

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, and owner of Overcomers Counseling. I'm dedicated to helping individuals find strength and healing through life’s challenges. With a deep understanding of mental health and years of professional experience, I specialize in fostering hope and resilience while equipping her clients with tools to thrive. Passionate about empowering others, she creates a safe, supportive space where everyone feels seen, valued, and capable of overcoming obstacles on their path to well-being.

Common Questions about Marriage

Should we do anything between sessions?

It can be beneficial to reflect on what was discussed during sessions and try to implement any strategies or actions suggested by your therapist.

What are some signs that my relationship is not emotionally healthy?

There are a few key signs that may indicate that your relationship is not as emotionally healthy as it could be. First, do you or your partner feel like you have to walk on eggshells to avoid conflict? Do you find yourself withholding information or emotions to keep the peace? Do you ever feel like your partner is trying to control or manipulate you? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, then it's possible that your relationship could be improved.

Can couples therapy make things worse?

It's possible for therapy to bring up difficult feelings or conflicts. However, this is often part of the process of resolving issues and improving your relationship. It's important to communicate with your therapist if you're finding sessions too difficult.

How does EFT differ from other forms of relationship therapy?

EFT focuses specifically on the emotional bonds and attachment needs in relationships. Unlike other therapies that might focus on behavioral changes alone, EFT addresses the deeper emotional experiences and underlying attachment issues.

Why do I tend to overthink my relationship?

Overthinking can be caused by a variety of factors, such as past relationship experiences, anxiety, low self-esteem or insecurity, or simply a tendency towards perfectionism.

What if one partner is reluctant to attend therapy?

It can be challenging when one partner is hesitant about therapy. It can help to have open discussions about the potential benefits of therapy and to reassure them that it's a supportive and non-judgmental environment.