How To Become A Better Listener In Your Marriage

They say that the key to a good relationship is communication with each other.

That is completely true.

But there is another aspect that is equally as important when you are trying to cultivate a better marriage with your partner.

It is important to be able to listen in marriage as well.

Being a "good listener" does not always exactly mean that you are truly hearing what your partner is saying.

When we truly open up to our spouses and listen with open ears and an open heart, amazing things can happen.

When we slow down from our everyday hustle-and-bustle of life and truly sit down with our partners and make them feel heard, you will be pleasantly surprised at how much you and your partner become closer to each other when you listen in marriage.

Available Marriage/Couples Counselors in Colorado

View all

Be Present In The Moment

When your spouse needs to talk to you about something, they may be a little emotional or nervous about it, which can sometimes send us into a tizzy when we aren't sure what its about.

But its important to take a deep breath, sit back, and allow your partner to speak, fully and openly to you.

To listen in marriage and make it effective, make sure that they know that they have your full attention.

Making eye contact is a great place to start.

Take the time to turn off or turn down your devices to show them that they have the floor and you are ready to listen to what they have to say.

A little gesture like this could mean the absolute world to your partner, knowing that you truly listen in marriage.

Take the time to fully unwind for a few moments, and give your undivided attention to your partner.

Two people sitting with their hands on their laps with their fingers intertwined.

Paraphrase What They Say

Make sure that you are truly listening to what your partner is saying to you.

To assure that you have heard them correctly, try paraphrasing what they are saying.

Give them time to listen to you, and then they will be able to tell you if you heard them right.

This is a very helpful skill in communication and active listening.

If you are wrong in what you heard, you can ask them what you had wrong when you paraphrased them.

When you do this, you are not using their words against them or being a parrot to them, but making absolutely sure that you heard them out.

This is also called "perception checking," assuring that you not only understand what they said but also how they feel.

Take Interest In Them

It can be easy to get caught up in the mundane every day and rattle off tasks like a well-oiled machine, but that does not create a level of intimacy that is needed when everything is so automated these days.

Try to get into a routine with each other, like taking a genuine interest in how their day went, or what happened in that big meeting that happened that day.

The same also goes for them, they should also be doing the same thing and taking an interest in what is going on in your life.

When you both do this, you will find that you will both achieve a higher level of understanding and a new kind of intimacy with each other.

Listen With Empathy

When you both listen with empathy to each other, you are giving each other a glimpse into what it is like to be in each other's shoes.

It gives you a look into their day, and why they may be feeling how they are.

Always listen with an open heart, and allow yourself to imagine what your spouse is feeling.

When you listen with empathy, you are also able to validate your partner's feelings, making them feel more safe and secure.

For example, if your spouse comes home and needs to vent about what happened that day, instead of automatically tuning them out, like many of us often do, become engaged and listen to them wholeheartedly.

Even just venting like that and knowing that the other person is listening can make your partner feel loved.

At the end of the day, that is what we are all looking for, is to feel loved.

So, make sure that your partner knows that they are loved, even before going into the conversation.

It should also go the same way for you, your partner should also make you feel the same way in order for an even conversation.

A woman holding a person's hand while sitting at a table with coffee

Tackle One Issue At A Time

When couples get into arguments, it's often because one or both partners begin throwing in all the issues that they have into the conversation, and it takes a turn for the worse.

When sitting down and getting ready to talk to each other, you should both agree that you will both only tackle one problem at a time.

When you focus on one topic at a time, neither of you will get carried away with other things that you may be wanting to talk to your partner about.

Make sure that you each have a turn at speaking and speaking on the same issue.

Once you have successfully resolved one issue, then you can move on to the next issue, or take a break from the heavy talk for the moment and just sit and be with each other, present in that moment.

Conclusion

There are many ways that you can become a better listener to your spouse or partner.

These are just a few ways that you can do that.

Remember, the most important way to listen is with your heart open.

Allow yourself to sit in your spouse's shoes for a few moments.

Empathy is an endless resource that goes a long way, especially within a marriage.

When you listen in marriage, you are creating a safe space for your partner. If you are ready to speak to a marriage counselor, we can help. Please call (800) 498-8043, and we will assist you in finding the right counselor for you and your partner.

Resources

https://www.symbis.com/blog/5-ways-good-listener-spouse/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/attention-couples-becoming-a-skilled-listener-and-effective-speaker#6

https://www.gcu.edu/blog/language-communication/power-perception-checking

How do you feel about this post?

About the author

Jennifer Passmore

Overcomers Counseling is a counseling service that helps people overcome mental health issues. They provide counseling services to children, adults, couples and families in a non-judgmental atmosphere with care and support. Overcomers Counseling provides more than just therapy sessions; they offer hope to those struggling with depression, anxiety, or addiction by offering them tools to find peace within themselves. Book a counseling session today!