Many factors can make a happy marriage deteriorate into a ghost of itself. Unsurprisingly, one of such factors is a regular blame game by a partner, leading to the other partner seeking what to do to remedy the marriage...
Many factors can make a happy marriage deteriorate into a ghost of itself. Unsurprisingly, one of such factors is a regular blame game by a partner, leading to the other partner seeking what to do to remedy the marriage. If your partner blames you constantly, it's understandable that you will desire to deal with it so you can enjoy a happy home. When your partner is getting comfy with blaming you for everything, something to do is begin to set physical and time-based boundaries.
Avoid indulging them in talks whenever they desire, allowing them to realize that their talks are stressful for you. Also, you should try to get to the root of the matter causing the problem. Whenever they blame you, getting to the source can help you pinpoint the exact reason for their blame game and know how to end it. Nevertheless, you should understand that blame may be their outlet for the pain they don't know how to express. Rather than express it constructively, your partner may begin to blame you because they don't know a good way to let out their true feelings.
For a detailed overview of what to do when a partner blames you constantly, be sure to read on:
Generally, setting boundaries helps deal with uncomfortable or toxic situations by setting clear-cut restrictions on space, words, or time. If your partner blames you constantly, it can be great to set boundaries to prevent them from talking to you until they stop blaming you. Before you tell them, be sure to identify the exact boundaries you want to set. You may realize you need an absolute limit that stops them from talking to you unless they use a neutral tone that doesn't blame you.
You may also want a partial boundary that says they should take 30 minutes to rethink their words before talking to you. Once you identify the boundaries, be sure to let them know. When telling them, make them understand that you are requesting to activate the boundaries because of their constant blame game, which will be removed if they entirely stop blaming you. And if they refuse to obey your boundaries, you should consider limiting interaction and reducing your displays of love in different areas till they understand that you are serious about being mistreated.
As with every argument or fight, getting to the root of the matter is an effective way of ending blame games. If your partner blames you constantly, it may be an excellent idea to analyze why they are blaming you for something. Instead of getting upset when they start blaming you, try to ask for the actual cause. It may turn out that you were at fault and caused the entire matter. If this is the cause, be sure to own up to your errors and apologize for a better marriage.
And if you discover that you had nothing to do with it, be sure to inform your partner that it wasn't your fault. Show them what happened and illustrate how you were not involved in what they thought you did. When you get to the root of the matter, you strip off all irrelevant incidents hiding the truth and revealing it. The revealing allows you to properly understand the circumstances surrounding the blame and how to take charge of the situation.
Typically, people have healthy outlets for their negative emotions from uncomfortable social interactions. But if you realize that your partner blames you constantly, you may see that they don't have a healthy outlet for their emotions, hence the constant blame game. This means that the blame they direct toward you means nothing since they are using you as an outlet. The cause of the blame may be their low self-esteem since a partner with low self-esteem and no way to handle it can try to bring you low, so they may elevate themselves.
Similarly, if they feel out of control or without power in certain situations at home or in other cases, they may begin to blame you to gain some modicum of control over your emotions and reactions. Furthermore, they may blame you because you have something good going for you, and they are jealous that they don't have such. Your good happenings may have built resentment in them, and the blame is their way of reacting.
Speaking up against bad behavior in your marriage is an essential skill that prevents deterioration of the happiness in the union. Thus, if your partner blames you constantly, that's bad behavior that you need to speak against so it can end. The most efficient method to use while speaking up is to let them know in a clear and brief sentence that their behavior is wrong.
Be sure to show your disapproval immediately they blame, giving no space for further allowing the blame game to develop. Also, make sure you let them know the impact of their words on you so they may see how bad you don't want the blame. Therefore, be sure to let them know that you felt hurt hearing their words despite your efforts to make the marriage a great one. Moreover, you can tell them to put themselves in your shoes so they may feel what you felt. You can use this strategy to make them take back their words. The technique is excellent as it forces them to see the situation from your perspective and realize that their approach was terrible.
It's observable evidence that in the event of a problem, focusing on a solution helps to prevent an unnecessary fixation on the issue. Hence, if your partner blames you constantly, it will be helpful to try to solve all the problems they have listed so their mind is no longer in the blame game. Before you start solving the things they have said, be sure to take a short time to calm down and think things through.
Try to understand the exact things they are blaming you for and think of how to make things better. If you have ways to improve things, share the ways with your partner. Even if it turns out that you were not the one at fault even though they blamed you, helping them find solutions depict your maturity and will make them feel bad for blaming you, leading to an end of the blame game. Just make sure you resolve the issue as soon as possible so that if the subject comes up in your partner's mind again, it will be after the problem is solved. This will ensure that they will only have good thoughts toward you.
When your partner blames you constantly, the marriage may get tiring for you because you regularly walk on eggshells not to annoy them for one thing or the other.However, such a situation is unsustainable. You can handle it by setting boundaries, getting to the root of the matter, understanding that the blame may not be about you, speaking up, and focusing on a solution.
https://www.livewellwithsharonmartin.com/set-boundaries-toxic-people/
https://www.psychalive.org/relationship-fights/
https://www.symbis.com/blog/5-ways-to-cope-with-a-passive-aggressive-spouse/
https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/six_tips_for_speaking_up_against_bad_behavior
https://www.ourrelationship.com/how-to-stop-fighting-in-your-relationship/
I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, and owner of Overcomers Counseling. I'm dedicated to helping individuals find strength and healing through life’s challenges. With a deep understanding of mental health and years of professional experience, I specialize in fostering hope and resilience while equipping her clients with tools to thrive. Passionate about empowering others, she creates a safe, supportive space where everyone feels seen, valued, and capable of overcoming obstacles on their path to well-being.
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To get started, locate a certified marriage and family therapist who is covered by Tricare using their "Find a Doctor" tool.
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It can be challenging when one partner is hesitant about therapy. It can help to have open discussions about the potential benefits of therapy and to reassure them that it's a supportive and non-judgmental environment.
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