How do you know that you have a narcissist father?
Many people live in the shadow of a narcissistic father, afraid they will never measure up to his expectations.
Others feel they are constantly seeking the approval of a narcissist father.
There are 5 signs of a narcissist father that will help you better discern your relationship with him.
These 5 signs of a narcissistic father may also help you discover why you're experiencing certain feelings and exhibiting unhealthy behaviors.
5 Signs of a Narcissist Father: Charismatic
One of the 5 signs of a narcissistic father is a charismatic personality.
Many stereotypes surrounding the narcissist father portray him as a cruel, domineering tyrant who rules with an iron fist.
When in reality, the narcissist father is usually charismatic and congenial, especially towards people outside the family unit.
A narcissist father will present a generous, kind persona to others. The narcissist father wants to be perceived as the 'perfect father'.
Part of being charismatic, the narcissist father will never reveal his temper in public. In fact, the narcissist father avoids public conflict and disagreement at all costs.
The narcissist father will be agreeable and often over-friendly to others, particularly strangers, to promote his 'perfect father' persona.
Children may even witness the narcissist father back down from public confrontations, to save face and appear likable.
And yet, in the privacy of the home, children may hear the narcissist father lash out in anger because someone had the audacity to disagree with him.
There is deep and abiding hypocrisy in the public life of a narcissist father.
One of the 5 signs of a narcissist father is his attempt to present to the world the portrait of a perfect family.
First of all, there is no such thing as a perfect family. Therefore, the narcissist father is at heart a liar, living a deception.
For the narcissist father, his family is an extension of himself. The narcissist father believes he is perfect and expects his family to represent and reflect that.
The narcissist father doesn't just present himself to the world, he presents his wife and children as one would present trophies.
It is difficult to realize your own individuality, personality, and free will when you live under the unrealistic expectations of a narcissistic father.
The narcissist father is self-centered, selfish, and self-serving. He is willing to sacrifice his family's mental and emotional well-being for his own sadistic purposes.
One of the 5 signs of a narcissist father is how he manipulates praise from others while rejecting any criticism.
How does a narcissist father manipulate praise?
For example, a narcissist father who only surrounds himself with friends who are of 'lesser intelligence' than him.
When he quotes poets and philosophers, everyone praises him as a great intellectual. And yet, he is not.
The narcissist father creates a bubble around himself, and only allows those inside who will praise and think highly of him.
A narcissist father will often alienate certain family members, such as siblings or parents, who know the real him. The narcissist father is not interested in peers.
For this reason, the narcissist father relishes the often subservient roles played by his wife and children. For the narcissist father, a child's 'hero worship' is something to be exploited.
For the narcissist father, the other side of the manipulative coin is rejecting criticism.
While the narcissist father is agreeable in public, he never agrees to criticism in the privacy of the home. Even when he's wrong.
The narcissist father lives a double life. He manipulates others to praise him and simultaneously refuses to be criticized or 'outed' for his hypocrisy.
The opposite of praise is criticism. Refusal to be criticized means silence.
Children of the narcissist father often learn to be silent, when they should be open and honest about their feelings.
5 Signs of a Narcissist Father: Lack of Empathy
Yet another one of the 5 signs of a narcissistic father is a lack of empathy.
Empathy is different from sympathy.
Sympathy means you feel sorry for someone. Empathy means you feel what they feel because you've experienced something similar.
The narcissist father lacks empathy. Why? Because the narcissist father believes he is perfect, so no one can measure up.
And yet, even when the narcissist father has been through a similar experience, his pride and selfishness will not allow him to admit it.
For example, the narcissist father who once was out of a job and got food from the local food bank. Now that his situation is different, he makes judgmental comments about those who eat from the food bank.
The narcissist father is self-righteous. He refuses to be vulnerable, and his children often learn from his negative example.
When the narcissist father is at home, safe from the prying eyes of the public, his rage emerges.
The narcissist father uses rage to manipulate his immediate family. His wife and children often live in fear of this rage.
It is common for a wife and children to walk on eggshells so that the narcissist father won't get angry and rage against them. For the narcissist father, rage is empowering and a tool for control.
For the narcissist father, rage is not always physical or violent. In fact, it is more common for a narcissist father to manipulate, as we have seen.
The narcissist father is blinded by his rage. It happens suddenly, fiercely, and then quickly dissipates.
After a 'rage incident,' a narcissist father will often act like nothing happened, and expect his family to follow suit. He will not apologize or even acknowledge it.
The narcissist father is the master of 'sweeping things under the rug', especially when it comes to his outbursts of rage or shortcomings.
We have examined 5 signs of a narcissistic father.
The harmful behaviors of the narcissist father can cause lifelong trauma for family members involved in his abuse.
And let's call him by his name- the narcissist father is an abuser. It's healthy to say that.
If you have a narcissist father, please seek professional counseling.
There is healthy life beyond the abuse of a narcissistic father.
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