Narcissist Women: Recognizing the Signs
We tend to think of narcissism as a particular set of characteristics: however, narcissist women often display different traits and behaviors than male narcissists do.
In fact, we often easily apply the label of a narcissist to men.
But, narcissist women are more likely to go under the radar.
Studies estimate that almost 75% of narcissists are men.
However, this could be because of gender biases in diagnoses.
Women are more likely to be diagnosed with borderline or histrionic personality disorders.
As more and more is understood about narcissistic abuse, more and more is understood about these overlooked narcissist women.
In some ways, this could make narcissist women even more dangerous than their male counterparts.
Often, narcissist women use stereotypes about women to shield their narcissistic behavior.
They might cloak themselves in outward roles such as "nurturing mother," "doting grandmother," or, "helpless and naive young woman."
Narcissists are great actors: they play these roles to distract from their malignant behavior.
No one suspects someone who presents as a nurturing mother to abuse or neglects their children.
Underneath these masks, narcissist women are very aggressive and often exert this aggression through different tactics than those that are more commonly associated with narcissistic men.
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Narcissist Women: How She Looks
According to Greek mythology chronicled in Ovid's Metamorphoses, Narcissus is a beautiful young man who sees his own reflection in the water and then falls in love with it.
There's a reason that this myth inspired the term narcissism: especially in narcissist women.
Narcissist women are extremely obsessed with their physical appearance.
Women are objectified in our culture and a narcissistic woman uses that to her advantage.
Regardless of her actual beauty, a narcissistic woman typically spends a lot of time, energy, and money on their appearance.
Narcissist women use their sexuality as a weapon to gain money, status, narcissistic supply, attention, validation, and social status.
This might manifest itself as competitiveness with other women. Including her own daughter, mother, and other female relatives.
The narcissist woman is unable to see other women as anything other than competition.
All narcissists are intensely competitive and narcissist women often use other women as their targets of competition.
This is because narcissist women feed off the social dominance of men. They use the men in their life to achieve a higher status.
And, Narcissistic women use their looks and sexuality as a tool to achieve this feeling of interpersonal superiority.
Anyone who threatens these feelings of superiority (or perfection) will be seen by the narcissist woman as a threat.
Often narcissist women will strike for physical perfection in a way that might manifest in disordered eating, conspicuous consumption, and over-sexualization.
Narcissist Women: How She Acts
One of the key traits of a narcissist woman is an obsession with money.
Rampant materialism is often a sign of narcissistic women.
Narcissist women often manipulate their partners and family members into spending money on them: luxury clothes, expensive jewelry, spa treatments, plastic surgery, and expensive shoes all become obsessions used to provide the narcissist woman with validation.
They will often use their sexuality to find wealthy partners to fuel an extravagant lifestyle.
Or, they might ignore their children's material needs to feed their own desires.
While male narcissists are more likely to earn large amounts of money, narcissist women are more likely to spend a lot of money.
Narcissist Women: In Relationships
Narcissist women use relationships for their own gain and validation.
They often collect admirers to provide themselves with a narcissistic supply. They crave attention and being the object of desire.
Narcissist women often have ex-partners that they keep ensnared, may instigate love triangles to feel validation, and are prone to cheating both emotionally and physically.
Narcissist women are often very seductive.
They flaunt their sexuality to gain attention and admirers.
They may also do this to manipulate their intimate partners.
They may try to inspire feelings of jealousy in order to gain a sense of power over the partner.
They also frequently inspire an idealization phase: they will make you believe they are too good to be true before moving on to the devaluing phase.
Narcissist Women: At Work
Narcissist women are very divisive.
They use passive-aggressive tactics, such as divide and conquer, to gain power within their work and social circles.
They are also duplicitous and backstabbing.
Think of the high school mean girl.
Narcissist women often function in a similar way.
If your female boss finds reasons to belittle you or takes credit for your work, then she might be a narcissist.
Narcissist women's obsession with status can also manifest itself at work.
They might be over accomplished to receive intellectual validation.
They might pursue outward recognition and validation through awards, degrees, or a large social media following.
Narcissist Women: In Friendships
Narcissist women are extremely competitive with other women.
If you have a female friend that is constantly putting you down, she might be a narcissist.
Women who are narcissists are often conniving and manipulative.
For example, does she speak ill of others behind their backs?
This is a huge trait of a narcissistic woman.
She might also act inappropriately with your partner.
Narcissist women don't like it when other women receive male attention or are in healthy relationships.
They may try to sabotage your relationship or undermine your confidence with your partner.
Another common trait in narcissist women is a tendency to martyr themselves.
If you have a friend who constantly blames others for their problems: they might be a narcissist.
These narcissist women will play up the idea that everyone is victimizing them in order to avoid blame.
If you see a woman doing this, then she might be a narcissist.
Conclusion
Narcissist women can be even more dangerous than their male counterparts.
Especially because their abuse often goes unnoticed.
If this article has helped you to recognize that you might have a narcissist woman in your life, then your best option is to seek help.
Understanding narcissistic behaviors and tactics is a great first step to protecting yourself from them.
Resources
https://narcissistabusesupport.com/the-female-narcissist/
https://narcissistabusesupport.com/
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Comments 2
One more thought...I feel that women who knowingly have affairs with married men are more likely to be narcissistic. Why? Because it gives them a thrill to know that they can hurt the wife.
To a narcissistic female, this is what makes them feel good. If it involves hurting another woman and destroying her in some way, they will do it.
One example of this is an acquaintance (NOT a friend). A woman I know has had affairs with married men in the past. Now she is married to a doctor, but here's the catch...she is extremely jealous of her husband's patients, especially the ones that are more attractive than she is. Somebody who works with her at his practice told me that she is mean to the female patients, particularly to a very pretty girl that comes in every few months for a health screening. I think she sees the girl as a threat because she is younger and prettier.
The narcissist is late 40's and rather homely, but tries to disparage other women all the time. She talks about the looks of other women in a rather terrible way (while being blind to her own imperfections). Just a textbook case of narcissistic behavior and the delusions that go with it.
I agree with all of this! I have known many women who fit this description. Not sure if they are all narcissists (per the clinical definition) but their behavior would indicate elements of narcissism or a personality disorder.
As stated above, their need for "status" is obvious. The ones I know are often materialistic, greedy, and they look down on anyone who is content with a more simple life.
Also...the way they compete with other women, even strangers. They can be very cruel to other women. If you are more attractive than they are, they will chip away at you with nasty comments, attempting to kill your self-confidence.
If they feel you are less attractive, or that they are better than you, they will gloat about that. Narcissistic women are bullies. They like to talk about feminism but they don't empower other women.
They hurt other women because of their own internal damage. I have been in the presence of women who try to tear me down by calling me fat, ugly, saying I look older than I do, etc.
This behavior stems from jealousy and a sick desire to make another woman feel bad about herself.
I feel pity for narcissistic women. They don't realize that somebody will always be prettier than them and it's not OK to put other people down. Men play a part in this too, but I think women have a greater responsibility in how we treat one another.
This was a good post...thanks for sharing!