Humans think they can do anything correctly regarding mental health, but when you're escaping trauma bonds, is there a right and wrong way to do it?
Trauma bonds are difficult to escape and heal from, and doing it without a support network or counseling can prolong your suffering.
This keeps you blaming yourself for the abuse you suffered. When you do this, you're giving your abuser power and excusing their behavior simultaneously.
Or you might hope that the abuser will somehow change, especially if you love them enough, which keeps you returning to them instead of moving on and setting boundaries.
There is a right and wrong way to escape trauma bonds, but you will need professional help occasionally to do so.
You won't escape a trauma bond if you keep blaming yourself for the abuse that's happened.
An abuser's main goal is to shift the blame for the abuse to you, the victim, as a way of controlling you.
If they can get you to accept the blame, they are justified in their actions, and they walk away like they did the honorable thing–to ensure that you're controlled and disciplined.
But that can get into your psyche and wreak havoc with your sense of reality.
When you're brainwashed by your abuser, and you think that you're the one who brought on the abuse, you rationalize everything that happened to you, keeping your trauma bond alive.
Blaming yourself for the abuse is not the correct way to escape a trauma bond.
To truly escape a trauma bond, you need to put the blame where it belongs–on your abuser. You didn't do anything to deserve that treatment, regardless of what you might have been told.Your sense of reality might be a little skewed right now, as your abuser gave you a false sense of reality.
When you're in a trauma bond, you hold out hope that the person will change and that you'll live happily ever after together. But that's not what happens.Instead, the abuser becomes emboldened by your compliance and gets away with more and more until the situation is way out of control.
Accepting that the abuser will never change is the next step to escaping a trauma bond.Once you've placed the blame on the abuser and chosen to let the relationship go, you can establish some boundaries.
Dealing with the trauma from a trauma bond on your own might not be a great idea.The reason is that when you get stuck in your head, you don't have the outside perspective to change the thinking patterns that were set during the relationship.
Talking with a counselor to deal with a trauma bond is the ideal place to start when you want to start the healing process.Keep in mind that a counselor is not going to do the work for you, but they have the resources and perspectives that you might not have considered.
You might be tempted to avoid counseling or getting help escaping a trauma bond because you might feel ashamed that you got yourself in this situation.
But remember–it's never your fault. You need to make yourself a priority and remove from your life that which is causing you harm.
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