Are You Married to a Narcissist?

Are You Married to a Narcissist?

If you're reading this, you're probably wondering if you're married to a narcissist. 

Or, you might be worried that someone else you're close to is married to a narcissist.

Unfortunately, there are many people who accidentally end up in relationships with narcissists or are married to a narcissist. 

This is because narcissists are often charming and seductive when you first meet them.

They often will go out of their way to make you feel loved and special at the beginning of a relationship.

They may be especially attractive, charming, or flattering. 

They may also make a good salary.

Narcissists care deeply about outward appearances, so they may have fooled you and everyone else around them.

However, in a marriage, narcissism can not be hidden forever. 

It is often through relationships that someone's narcissism gets revealed. 

They may be able to hide their malignant behavior from friends, co-workers, and even family.

But the mask of a narcissist often falls once they're married to someone. 

Narcissistic Personality Disorder Therapists in Colorado

Shannon Matlock, LPC, NCC

Shannon Matlock, LPC, NCC

Colorado Springs, Colorado
(719) 203-7021
Denise Itule, LPCC

Denise Itule, LPCC

(719) 345-2424

Married to a Narcissist: They Isolate You

One of the first signs that you're married to a narcissist is that they isolate you. 

Narcissists often wait until after they're married, but they will work to isolate you from the people who genuinely care about you.

Research shows that bad-mouthing others is one of the most common traits of a narcissist. 

If your spouse expresses strong opinions in private and then disregards them in public: you might be married to a narcissist.

Or, if your spouse frequently badmouths everyone as soon as they're not present: you might be married to a narcissist.

Marriage can often lead to distance between our friends and family. 

However, when you're married to a narcissist, they will do everything in their power to isolate you from others. 

Married to a Narcissist: They Criticize You (But, Can't Accept Any Criticism

Narcissists often use covert methods to put you down, make you feel inferior, or place themselves in a position of power over you.

They might criticize your appearance, your income, and even your parenting skills.

We often think of narcissists as image-obsessed, and they are, but they're also obsessed with power and status. 

They have delusions of unlimited success and power.

For this reason, narcissists have the inability to accept even the slightest criticism. 

When their delusions are challenged, they often have difficulty dealing with it. In order to protect their delusions of power and superiority, they will project the criticism back onto you.

When you're married to a narcissist, they will perceive all criticism as an attack. 

No matter how carefully you might try to word things, they will twist it into an attack.

Married to a Narcissist: Jealousy

When you're married to a narcissist, they might use jealousy against you. 

This could be by deliberately making you feel jealous to feed their delusions of self-importance.

They might use a past relationship to make you feel insecure. 

Or, they might surround themselves with admirers in order to make you feel insecure.

It's very common for narcissists to cheat on their partners when in relationships. 

This happens just as often when you're married to a narcissist.

They deliberately cultivate your feelings of insecurity in order to control you. 

They also do this to feed their own grandiose delusions.

Narcissists need a constant supply of validation. 

When you're married to a narcissist, their need for validation will outweigh any of your needs.

Married to a Narcissist: With Children

Another common form of jealousy when you're married to a narcissist is jealousy over your children. 

A narcissistic spouse will resent your connection to your children and the amount of attention that you pay to them.

This can also happen in reverse: the narcissist might choose to see the baby not as a threat, but as an extension of themself. 

They might claim the child as theirs and feed their accomplishments in order to gain attention for themselves. 

You might end up feeling on the sidelines of your children's lives when married to a narcissist.

They might also monopolize parenting and criticize your parenting skills.

Being married to a narcissist with children often makes you feel like a single parent.

Married to a Narcissist: They Change After You're Married

Narcissists are often attractive, successful, charming, and seductive. 

It's a common trait for narcissist women to use their sexuality to lure men into relationships. 

Narcissist men often use financial success to lure their partners.

Narcissists of both sexes use a tactic called "love bombing." 

This is inundating a partner with adoration, attention, and affection. 

They do this to pull you in, but can't keep it up long term.

Narcissists also frequently use mimicking to lure in romantic partners. 

They might pretend to like the same music as you do. 

They might pretend to share your interests and hobbies.

If your partner acted significantly different before you were married - that could be a sign that you're married to a narcissist.

Now that they have you in their pocket, the narcissist no longer has any need to continue treating you with love or affection.

If they continue to perform elaborate displays, they will make it increasingly transactional. 

They will expect sex, praise, or control for providing the things they offered freely while you were dating.


If you identify with these, then you might be married to a narcissist. 

If you are, there are a few steps you should begin taking now.

The best defense when you're married to a narcissist is knowledge. 

Understanding their tactics is a great first step in protecting yourself from them.

There are many books, forums, and resources online for people who are married to a narcissist.

The next great step is to seek treatment. 

Being married to a narcissist means that you've been through narcissistic abuse

Your self-esteem has been intentionally undermined.

Your life will not turn out the way you planned when the two of you married.

Getting a counselor to help you through this realization and the outcome is an important step to healing from being married to a narcissist. 


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April 17th, 2024

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