5 Tips for Narcissists to Build Self-Esteem

Self-esteem reflects our self-perception. It is an important part of who we are and how we think other people see us...

Self-esteem reflects our self-perception. It is an important part of who we are and how we think other people see us. However, narcissistic people tend to have fragile and easily deflated self-esteem. Irrespective of the over-inflated grandiose often associated with their traits, their self-esteem isn't stable and is reactive to the environment. This is why they may act out aggressively when they receive any form of criticism or what they may perceive as disrespectful. Therefore, esteem that relies on others' opinions is not self-esteem, which makes it just as important for narcissists to build their self-esteem.

Healthy self-esteem is what narcissists should strive for. Having healthy self-esteem means that it is stable and not easily influenced by external factors. It's non-hierarchical and not based on feeling superior to others. This level of self-esteem is achievable through support for narcissism. Our thoughts play a huge role in how we see ourselves, so it is important to practice mindfulness when trying to build self-esteem. Mindfulness will help you guard against negative thoughts and emotions that can harm your mental health. One of the other tips for narcissists to build self-esteem is learning to accept criticism. This can be especially difficult for people with narcissistic disorder, but you must remember that the road to growth or self-discovery is marked by moments of learning from mistakes. Also, practicing self-compassion can go a long way in building one's esteem. Self-compassion means being kinder to oneself. Read on for more details on tips for narcissists to build self-esteem.

Mindfulness: Be Aware of Your Thoughts

When a person has low self-esteem, they are more likely to worsen it by criticizing themselves. As a result, it is important that you are mindful of your thoughts. Try your best to avoid being judgemental when you chide or praise yourself. Rather, approach the situation from a neutral perspective and analyze what triggered your reaction. Did you feel insecure or have high expectations of yourself? Were you trying to please or impress someone else? Take note of the regularity of these types of occurrences and your reactions to each instance. Practicing mindfulness also extends to the daily practice of brief meditations and using breathing techniques to let go of and accept the present moment. More often than not, feelings of pride and narcissism are your body's defense against any form of self-criticism. Work towards changing negative internal thoughts and learn to be kinder to yourself.

A man meditating on a rock.

Identify Your Skills and Develop Them

One of the best ways to boost our sense of self-worth is to show that we can actually succeed at things that are important to us. For instance, if you have a natural talent for writing, you can use this talent to create a blog, write a book, or produce content that shows your skills. When you try this, you not only improve your writing but also feel a sense of pride and accomplishment that comes from within. Also, keep in mind that identifying your competencies doesn't necessarily mean they have to be natural talents or skills. It also extends to developing new skills that you have a strong interest in. By developing new competencies, you will not only build self-esteem but also discover new areas of interest, which can lead to a more fulfilling life.

Learn to Accept Criticism

Narcissistic people find it hard to accept criticism; usually, they are more likely to react when they receive feedback that they don't like. When they do not receive special notice or treatment, they may feel impatient or angry. They may struggle to interact with people and frequently feel slighted. Learning to accept criticism can help you build a more realistic and grounded sense of self-esteem. Set out to improve yourself and recognize your own strengths and weaknesses. Consider your weaknesses to be a challenge rather than a source of self-doubt.

Practice Self-Compassion

Self-compassion involves being kind, caring, and understanding towards oneself. Narcissistic people should practice being kind and understanding towards themselves instead of being overly critical when they feel they don't meet their own expectations. For instance, you could try noting down positive qualities about yourself, like when you perform certain tasks well or compliments you have received from others. Whenever you are feeling sad or depressed, reflect on these things and recall that there you have many positive aspects. Improving your self-esteem involves having a positive internal dialogue, and that starts with self-compassion. It's important to avoid being overly critical of oneself. It's important to treat yourself with kindness and avoid being overly critical.

Self-Care

Lastly, one of the essential tips for narcissists to build self-esteem is self-care. Give yourself a break. Take some time to do what you love and what relaxes you, and make it a hobby. Self-care is not a one-off thing; it is something you have to continuously practice. How you feel mentally will also affect your physical health. Self-care can help you reduce your levels of stress, boost your happiness, and enhance your overall quality of life. Regular exercise, adequate sleep, and a nutritious diet are examples of self-care activities. These activities can boost physical health, which can boost mood and reduce stress. Additionally, meditation and yoga are powerful self-care methods that can assist narcissists in cultivating inner serenity and emotional well-being. Setting boundaries is another key component of self-care. Narcissists frequently struggle with boundaries because they may struggle to recognize the needs of others while emphasizing their own.

Conclusion

Building self-esteem as a narcissist requires a shift from external validation to internal validation, and the right support for narcissism will determine how this process goes for anyone. Remember, self-esteem is not a destination but a journey; therefore, be patient and kind to yourself along the way. Tips for narcissists to build self-esteem include practicing mindfulness, identifying their skills and developing them, learning to accept criticism, practicing self-compassion, and practicing self-care.

Resources

https://www.skillsyouneed.com/ps/self-esteem.html

https://whatiscodependency.com/narcissist-tactics-to-gain-power-self-esteem/

https://medium.com/thrive-global/12-hints-for-building-healthy-narcissism-e7626a2a5768

https://ideas.ted.com/5-ways-to-build-lasting-self-esteem/

https://rcosf.com/coping-and-personal-growth/self-esteem-or-narcissism-10-steps-to-healthy-self-esteem/

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-insecurity-behind-narcissistic-personality-npd-explained-1107194

Author
Jennifer Luttman, LPC, ACS

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, and owner of Overcomers Counseling. I'm dedicated to helping individuals find strength and healing through life’s challenges. With a deep understanding of mental health and years of professional experience, I specialize in fostering hope and resilience while equipping her clients with tools to thrive. Passionate about empowering others, she creates a safe, supportive space where everyone feels seen, valued, and capable of overcoming obstacles on their path to well-being.

Common Questions about Narcissistic Personality

Can a narcissistic woman be a nurturing mother?

Narcissistic mothers may struggle with parenthood as their self-centered nature can interfere with their ability to put their children's needs first. Often, they view their children as extensions of themselves and can be overly concerned with their children's achievements as a reflection of their own worth.

How does narcissism differ in men and women?

While both male and female narcissists exhibit similar traits like a sense of entitlement, lack of empathy and need for admiration, there can be differences. Female narcissists, for instance, might use their relationships with other women to bolster their self-esteem or manipulate for personal gain. Male narcissists, on the other hand, may be more prone to showcase their narcissism through their professional achievements or financial success.

How does poor impulse control relate to narcissism and cheating?

Poor impulse control is a common trait among narcissists. This can manifest as a tendency to act on whims or desires without considering the potential consequences. In the context of a relationship, this may lead to infidelity if the narcissist is attracted to someone else.

What is the narcissistic abuse cycle?

It is a pattern of behavior that is often seen in relationships where one person has a narcissistic personality disorder. It typically consists of four phases: idealization, devaluation, discarding, and hoovering.

Can narcissism be treated?

Yes, narcissism can be treated, often with psychotherapy. The goal is to help individuals with NPD understand their behaviors, develop healthier relationships, and improve their self-esteem.

How can I tell if I'm dating a narcissist?

If you're dating someone who is always seeking attention and approval, is extremely charming and successful or has a deep need for admiration, they may be a narcissist. However, the best way to know for sure is to consult with a mental health professional.