5 Common Lies of Narcissists

In a world where true connections are treasured, there exist peculiar individuals who excel in the art of deception...

In a world where true connections are treasured, there exist peculiar individuals who excel in the art of deception. Generally, people with manipulative personalities often engage in a lot of lying and deceit. Compulsive lying is linked to narcissistic personality disorders. These disorders are characterized by a lack of empathy and a tendency towards exploitative behavior. You may wonder how they are able to get away with their lies; the answer is in their nature. Narcissistic people are really good at pretending to be people they are not. Why this might sound scary, not to worry, there are ways to navigate relationships with these types of people, and with support for narcissism, they can get better. There are common lies of narcissists that, if translated to the truth, would reveal the true nature of their behavior.

Remember that not all people who say these phrases are narcissists. However, these statements have a much darker meaning when used by someone with a predatory personality who is trying to manipulate others. Narcissists often tell their victims that they would never lie to them, when in fact, they tend to do that often for their own personal gain. Narcissists generally like when everything is about them, and if they have to lie to get it, they do exactly just that. In some instances, they may tell their victim that they would never lie to them as a way to manipulate the victim. Another example of common lies of narcissists is them telling their victims that they will change and stop their narcissistic behavior. They only say this to disarm their victim and deceive them. In the incident where a relationship ends, a narcissist might say something like, "This relationship ended because of you." Narcissistic people say statements like this as a way to shift the blame to their victims. Below are more details on the common lies of narcissists.

"I Wouldn't Ever Lie to You"

When narcissists say, "I wouldn't ever lie to you," they are simply trying to manipulate unsuspecting victims into their web of deceit. The statement is completely false, as lying is one of the skills that a narcissist possesses. They tell so many lies that they end up believing them themselves. With unwavering sincerity, they create an illusion that is hard to resist. What they do is assure their targets that they are different from the rest, that their intentions are pure, and that honesty is the pillar of their character. But beneath this facade lies a world of cunning manipulation. When a narcissist feels like they've been caught lying or if someone points out that what they're saying now contradicts what they said earlier, they will deny that any contradiction exists. The truth is, they will act so well that the other individual may begin to doubt their own perception of what was said.

A man doing a shutup sign.

"I Don't Care About Them; I Just Care About You"

Narcissists often use statements like "I only care about you, not them" as a way to create a false sense of focus and special treatment. This type of statement is intended to deceive the person it is directed towards by making them feel appreciated and special. Essentially, their goal is to separate their victim from any potential competition or threats to their ego. However, behind this front is a truth that breaks the idea of exclusivity. The reality is that narcissists can't get enough attention and approval. They will often say they only care about their present partner when they are actively looking for approval and admiration from many different places. They live on other people's attention and always seek outside approval to boost their fragile self-esteem. Although they may show love and be charming to their victims, their real goal is to keep a network of admirers.

"I'll Change, I Swear to You"

Narcissists frequently make promises to change when confronted with their toxic behaviors. They appear to have reformed and are willing to move beyond their self-centeredness. This false promise of change can be alluring to their victims, giving them hope and drawing them back into an unhealthy cycle. Studies suggest that narcissists have no intention of changing and that their cry for help is merely a means of escape. More often than not, once the issue is over, the narcissist will revert to their previous behavior. Regrettably, this is one of their misleading tactics. Research indicates that narcissistic personality traits are typically unchanging and resistant to change, making it improbable for a person to truly change.

"My Ex-Partner Had an Unhealthy Obsession With Me"

Narcissists have an insatiable desire for self-importance and will do whatever it takes to keep up their appearance. It is common for individuals to blame their ex-partner as a way to protect their ego. They may even build a picture of a past lover who was obsessed and possessive and simply couldn't manage their magnificence. This untruth, however, is a distortion of reality. Narcissists frequently exploit and manipulate their partners, draining and wounding them emotionally. In other instances, this is one of the common lies of narcissists to cover their cheating. They will fabricate stories about the person, such as how he or she has been harassing them with phone calls, showing up at work and threatening to tell their new partner that they are having an affair, and so on. This way, they have created the perfect coverup so that when they are ultimately caught, their partner is more likely to believe them.

"This Relationship Has Ended Because of You"

Blaming and shaming are one of the tactics most narcissists use to avoid taking responsibility. When a person ends a relationship with a narcissist due to their toxic behavior, the narcissist may try to put all the blame on their victim. They spin the narrative, convincing their ex-partner that they are completely to blame for the breakup. This lie is used to free themselves from responsibility while causing more emotional pain to their target. Keep in mind that research shows that narcissists have a pattern of engaging in destructive relationships.

Conclusion

If you are in a relationship with or have previously been in a relationship with a narcissist, you must look out for these common lies. In the incident that you feel it is all getting too overwhelming for you, you could help them seek out support for narcissism. Some examples of common lies of narcissists include statements like I wouldn't ever lie to you, I don't care about them; I just care about you, I'll change, I swear to you, my ex-partner had an unhealthy obsession with me, and this relationship has ended because of you.

Resources

https://psychcentral.com/blog/recovering-narcissist/2018/09/12-of-the-most-common-lies-sociopaths-and-narcissists-tell-translated-into-truth

https://thenarcissisticlife.com/narcissist-lies-to-control-you/

https://mantracare.org/therapy/narcissistic/narcissist-lying/

https://mantracare.org/therapy/narcissistic/narcissistic-liar/

https://elevationbehavioralhealth.com/why-do-narcissists-lie/

https://www.karstennoack.com/narcissists-lie/

Author
Jennifer Luttman, LPC, ACS

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, and owner of Overcomers Counseling. I'm dedicated to helping individuals find strength and healing through life’s challenges. With a deep understanding of mental health and years of professional experience, I specialize in fostering hope and resilience while equipping her clients with tools to thrive. Passionate about empowering others, she creates a safe, supportive space where everyone feels seen, valued, and capable of overcoming obstacles on their path to well-being.

Common Questions about Narcissistic Personality

How can one resolve conflict with a narcissist who is ignoring them?

Resolving conflict with a narcissist can be challenging due to their manipulation tactics. However, establishing healthy boundaries and not feeding into their need for control can help. It's important to prioritize your own needs and not let the narcissist emotionally abuse you.

Can a narcissistic woman be a nurturing mother?

Narcissistic mothers may struggle with parenthood as their self-centered nature can interfere with their ability to put their children's needs first. Often, they view their children as extensions of themselves and can be overly concerned with their children's achievements as a reflection of their own worth.

Can I maintain a healthy romantic relationship with a narcissistic woman?

Narcissists often engage in manipulative behaviors to maintain control and may show little consideration for their partner's feelings. If you're in a romantic relationship with a narcissistic woman, consider seeking professional advice. A mental health professional can provide guidance on how to navigate such a relationship and help determine whether it's possible to establish a healthier dynamic.

What is a cheating narcissist?

A cheating narcissist is an individual who possesses narcissistic traits and engages in infidelity. They often display an inflated sense of self-importance, poor impulse control, and use manipulation tactics to maintain relationships while pursuing other romantic or sexual interests.

How prevalent is narcissism in women?

How does poor impulse control relate to narcissism and cheating?

Poor impulse control is a common trait among narcissists. This can manifest as a tendency to act on whims or desires without considering the potential consequences. In the context of a relationship, this may lead to infidelity if the narcissist is attracted to someone else.