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"Whatever!" - When Our Good Intentions and Optimism Take A Nosedive
At some point or other in our human existence we all experience some varying degree or intensity of the following thought process: 'whatever', 'I quit', 'I give up', 'f@#$ it', 'I'm done', 'forget about it', 'screw it', 'screw this', or 'I don't care'.
We may retreat into this way of thinking when fighting, trying, or struggling to change a behavior or other aspect of our lives.
Remember that new, popular diet you tried that lasted a week?
Or that bad habit (biting your nails, swearing, etc.) that you wanted to stop?
What about your decision to stop drinking or using other drugs?
And let's not forget the ever-daunting New Year's Eve resolutions. When our good intentions, optimism, and efforts begin to take a nosedive, we can easily slide into a way of thinking that ultimately ends our noble pursuits.
The Most Dangerous Thoughts
The most dangerous thoughts, or attitudes if you will, that any human being can contemplate are such as those as listed: 'whatever', 'I quit', 'I give up', 'f@#$ it', 'I'm done', 'forget about it', 'screw it', 'screw this', or 'I don't care'. Because when you don't care………you really don't care, and this brings an end to recovery efforts or other changes we wanted to make.
It becomes easier to bury, caring about change, under the 'f@#$-its', or to retreat into the 'whatever' mentality, than to continue working towards our goal of change. Throwing up my hands in surrender to urges, cravings, frustrations or fear can mean the end of sobriety, and ultimately, I end up making decisions that hurt myself or others. In that state of mind, all of my efforts seem pointless, or all were done for nothing because restoration is a slow process and I want it to all be better now………. that's when hopelessness can settle in. When I disappoint myself, guilt/shame quickly follow and this, in turn, can drive me deeper into a state of apathy.
Preventing Destructive Thoughts
Therefore, learning how to prevent this destructive thought pattern is imperative for making change and living a life of recovery. Thought stopping techniques, cognitive restructuring, 'doing one thing differently', 'eating the elephant one bite at a time', and many more such recovery tools, help us to learn how to take small manageable steps for making measurable progress. We need to see and feel progress or success in order to keep pursuing changes.
We all have tried multiple times throughout our lives to make changes and more than likely we have all failed to make a change. For those struggling with addiction to alcohol and other drugs, failure is not an option. Meaning, the fear of failure prevents some from even trying to stop use despite the ongoing problems, heartbreak, and damage that alcohol and other drugs cause. If you have ever tried and failed to change anything in your life, especially more than one time, you probably have experienced hesitancy to try again. Usually, this comes from a place of 'fear of failure'.
It's Time To Combat Fear
Fail Well
What Therapy Can Do
Conclusion
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Comments 3
These thoughts, from Dr. Machlan, bless me.
"But when the kindness and the love of God our Savior toward man appeared, 5 not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit, 6 whom He poured out on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Savior... ". Titus 3:4-6
Doctor Machlan,
This is my first exposure to your website, your presentation of yourself, Individual Therapy list from A to T and your writings regarding "When Our Good Intentions and Optimism Take A Nose Dive WHATEVER!"
Thank you!
Your awareness of that state of being in such a deep state of self loathing, for WHATEVER reason, to the Point of "trying to NOT care" is startling!
Have you lived that many lives or have you done your homework that well?
The Ph.D. allows that this knowledge could be purely academic. The way you express yourself assures me that you are not supporting us potential clients "academically"!
What a heart you have to acknowledge where we are, not leaving us there and beckoning us to let you co-labor constructively to resolution.
Thank you!
You extend HOPE where there has not been any, a lifetime , a lifesaver to health, peace, renewed mind, truly a lifestyle change for LIFE!
This blog post is so life giving, encouraging and strength giving. I especially like the line, "There is not a person alive who hasn't fallen off the horse called Change."
It's so good to hear that I'm not the only one who struggles. This is strength giving in itself.