5 Reasons Why You Should Not Get Angry at People Offering You Support in Your Grief

5 Reasons Why You Should Not Get Angry at People Offering You Support in Your Grief

A time of loss and difficulty is a time the family and friends of the person grieving gather together to offer their love, care, and support.

This support may be in terms of physical presence, helping with finances, funeral arrangements, and cooking.

Some may come as far as 2 cities or towns away just to be present for their family and friends and offer emotional support as well.

While many people need the community to go through their grieving process, some people may not necessarily enjoy the support people want to offer.

Whichever category you fall into, you should not get angry at people who offer you grief support.

There are different reasons why you should not get angry at people offering you support in your grief.

The number one reason is that the people offering you support while you are grieving usually mean well.

They do not want you to be all alone, but to experience enough support while you are grieving.

Another reason is that most times they do not know what you need, so they think the best thing they can do is to be present for you.

In some situations, blaming them for the incident might make you angry at them irrespective of the support they offer.

You should not be angry at them particularly if they are not responsible for the incident.

You need people around you when you are grieving and people would always want to offer you support.

Therefore, you should not get angry at people offering you support.

Getting angry at them while they are showing you support could also make you frustrated and make it more difficult to handle the grief.

Here are 5 reasons why you should not get angry at people offering you support while you grief:

Grief & Loss Therapists in Colorado

Katie (Kate) Castillo, MS, LPCC

Katie (Kate) Castillo, MS, LPCC

Colorado Springs, Colorado
(719) 345-2424
Samantha Zavala, LPCC

Samantha Zavala, LPCC

Aurora, Colorado
(719) 345-2424
Bethany Cantrell, LPC

Bethany Cantrell, LPC

Colorado Springs, Colorado
(719) 602-1342
Melody Reynalds, LPC

Melody Reynalds, LPC

Colorado Springs, Colorado
(719) 345-2424
Olivia Woodring, LPCC, NCC

Olivia Woodring, LPCC, NCC

(719) 345-2424
Kristen Yamaoka-Los, LPC

Kristen Yamaoka-Los, LPC

Colorado Springs, Colorado
(719) 481-3518
Jasleen Karir, SWC

Jasleen Karir, SWC

Aurora, Colorado
(720) 449-4121
Tracey Lundy, LCSW

Tracey Lundy, LCSW

Colorado Springs, Colorado
(719) 452-4374
Vanessa Dewitt, LCSW

Vanessa Dewitt, LCSW

Pueblo, Colorado
(719) 696-3439
Naomi Kettner, LPC, NCC

Naomi Kettner, LPC, NCC

Colorado Springs, Colorado
(719) 452-4374

They Have Good Intentions 

Many people believe that people grieving should not feel lonely or be left alone.

For some people, support from family members and friends is what they need to go through the process.

And most people are always ready and available to provide support.

At times, they might be available even before you reach out to them.

You might get bombarded with questions on how they can be of help or with advice on how to navigate this trying period.

All these can be quite overwhelming.

Most of the time, their intentions for supporting you are usually good.

However, the pain and sadness from the loss you just experienced could make you take things the wrong way.

During this time, you have to be patient and you should not get angry at people offering you support.

They Can't Tell the Exact Things You Need

Many people are predisposed to offering support to people when they are grieving.

One thing to note is that knowing how best to offer support is difficult and it is the most important thing during this period.

What many people get wrong is that they believe you should accept the support they offer regardless of what your needs are.

They would rather just go all out to ensure that you are okay, whereas, your needs could differ from that of other people.

Their best intentions may also be misinterpreted by you.

On your part, you might feel like they are not providing you with enough support.

You may not also like the support they are offering or how they are offering it.

And when you fail to vocalize this, it becomes possible to be angry at them.

Where your family or friends are not catering to your needs adequately or providing the exact kind of support you need, you don't need to take out your anger or frustration on them.

You can communicate your needs or how you feel about what they are doing so that they can support you better.

Try as much as possible not to be harsh on them or criticize them.

They have the best intentions to support you through the grieving process.

Be patient with them, and point out the areas where you need help.

They are Not Responsible for the Incident 

When bad things happen to us, we sometimes want to hold somebody or an external factor responsible for it.

Doing this would make it feel like the grief would be more bearable to handle.

Playing the blaming game, especially with your family and friends can make you angry at them even when they are offering you support at this time.

For instance, if you have lost a family member to a terminal illness.

A family member who failed to provide you with support during the illness may get blamed for the loss.

Every attempt to offer you support can be met with a cold attitude.

You may also transfer the pain and anger you feel during this period to them.

Where none of your family or friends is directly or indirectly responsible for the loss, you should not get angry at them when they offer you support.

This is because all they want to do during this period is to provide you with all the love and care you need.

You Actually Need Them 

When you are grieving, you may feel the need to shut people out and grieve all by yourself.

You can be less forgiving during this time of any mistake or wrongdoing by people around you.

You however need them around you at this crucial point.

They do not have to be physically present, but people who are readily available and you can call for support when you need it.

This is because grieving can be such a lonely and difficult phase.

The support of people around you is very important as it makes the phase a lot easier to manage.

One thing you need to know is that while you grieve, there will always be people around to offer you support.

They all just want you to feel better and cope with the loss.

Therefore, you should not get angry at people offering you support while you grieve.

It Could Lead to Frustration 

Lastly, the reason you should not get angry at people when they offer you support is that the anger can make you frustrated.

The anger and pain from loss can be overwhelming and can make you do or say things to people that you might regret.

You might also make hasty or drastic decisions that can affect your relationship with family or friends.

Taking out your anger and frustration can push people away.

When you feel negative emotions while you are grieving, you can let those around you know about it so that they know how you feel, or what type of support they can offer.

For instance, if you are from a big family and a lot of family members are around, it can be overwhelming when you are grieving.

You can let them know that you need to take a walk or time to yourself during this period.

Gently reassure them that it has nothing to do with them and that by giving you space, they are providing you with the support you need.

By doing this, you do not get frustrated at them.


Grief support from family and friends during a time of loss or difficult time is important.

You should not get angry at people offering you support in your grief because they are trying to help, they are not aware of the kind of support you need, they are not responsible for the incident, you need people around and the anger can make you frustrated. 


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July 13th, 2024

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